"I want to hold my mother's hand" Things transmitted from the hand of the mother who reaches the end January 10, 18:54

How many more times can I hold my mother's hand?

How long can you stay warm?

Not long ago, I couldn't touch it even if I wanted to.

I would like to spend the rest of my time feeling the joy of being able to touch my mother's body.

(Reporter Saki Onishi, Social Affairs Department)

in a small but happy voice

The mother, who had just turned 89 on her birthday, seemed to have a happy expression on her face as she received the bouquet directly from her daughter.

A mother whose forgetfulness is increasing and her hearing is deaf.

Her daughter spoke to her in her ear, and although she was in a low voice, she could certainly hear this exchange.

Mother: "Will you give it to me?"

Daughter: "I'll give it to you, mother's birthday present"

Mother: "It's amazing, is it okay?

"

This may be your last birthday.

Her daughter, Kazuko, said that she visited the facility where her mother was staying with such thoughts.

That's why she says she feels the meaning of "being able to meet directly".

Ms. Kazuko Kato

“At first, I was worried about meeting face-to-face. I also feel that it is. After all, I think that face-to-face is better.”

I thought, "I can meet you if I go to the facility."

Setsuko, the mother of Kazuko Kato (56), entered the facility four years ago.

She was when Setsuko was 85 years old.

She was napping at her parents' house in Saitama City when she accidentally fell out of her chair and injured herself.

Since then she has been unable to stand and walk on her own and has difficulty going to the bathroom.

At that time, Setsuko was living with her husband, Shoji, who was also over 80 years old.

In a hurry, Shoji decided to take care of Setsuko, but there was a limit to "elderly care" for both over 80 years old.

In the end, she decided to leave Setsuko at her facility.

Despite her loneliness, she can't leave her father alone to take care of her.

She doesn't have a mother in her parents' house where she used to live, but she should be able to meet her if she goes to the facility.

With that in mind, Kazuko made a decision.

However, in less than a year, the environment surrounding Kazuko and her friends changed dramatically.

This is the spread of the new coronavirus.

Face-to-face meetings that can't be done Online too...

Before the spread of the infection, Kazuko used to visit her once a week.

When the visitation limit at the facility started, it was no longer possible to meet face-to-face.

The facility also created an opportunity for an “online meeting” using a tablet.

However, as a result of Kazuko's worries, she did not use it.

She was Setsuko who was hard of hearing.

She couldn't have a conversation unless Kazuko spoke in her ear.

Can you hear my voice coming out of the tablet?

Even if the facility explained the mechanism of the online visitation to the person, would they understand?

After all, during the visit, her mother would not understand the situation, and she would just stare at the screen.

Given her mother's condition, she felt that visiting hours would be rather painful, and she was unable to take advantage of them.

Due to a sudden change in my father's family

In the midst of this, his father, Shoji, who was left alone at his parents' house, fell ill.

He complained of pain in his lower back and an examination at the hospital revealed that he had a compression fracture in his lower back.

Further tests revealed prostate cancer.

Kazuko hurried back to her parents' house and started preparing for Shoji's hospitalization, but immediately after that, his condition suddenly changed and Shoji passed away.

he was 85 years old.

The end of his father's life came so suddenly without even preparing for it.

In the midst of great disappointment, Kazuko found something when she sorted out her father's belongings.

This is the diary that Shoji kept.

In it, Setsuko-san's thoughts since entering the facility were written along with detailed records of daily events, which is typical of a father who has a neat personality.

"From today onwards, nights without my mother are

lonely

.

"

I endure loneliness.I wonder if my mother can sleep.I can't help but remember."

As Kazuko read her diary, she thought about the days she spent with her father and mother, who were on good terms with each other.

Her mother who made tea every morning and waited for her father to wake up.

Her mother had a bad leg and spent a lot of time at home, but her father would often take her out for a drive or go on trips with her.

She buys specialty products at roadside stations and shares soft-serve ice cream with her mother and her father.

It was Kazuko's pleasure to sometimes follow her "outing" with her two good friends.

How will you spend the remaining time with your parents?

Kazuko, who was confronted with that for the first time, came to strongly think that he would at least want to stay by Setsuko's side until the very end.

Mother's "power of life"

However, due to visitation restrictions due to the new coronavirus, frustrating days will continue, where even if you want to snuggle up, you can't.

In the meantime, more than a year has passed since my father's death, and February 2022 has arrived.

Setsuko had a stroke.

She was not in a life-threatening condition, but it became difficult for her to eat for a while, and she had to be aware that Setsuko's "end" was near.

At that time, Kazuko received a suggestion from her doctor.

“Why don’t we shift to ‘end-of-life care’?” End-of-life

care is “for patients who have been diagnosed as having no prospect of recovery by a doctor, after discussing with the patient and their family, physical and mental pain is alleviated. and support them to live with dignity until the end of their lives.”

Since her father died so suddenly, Kazuko has been thinking about how to meet her parents' final moments.

It's sad that she lost her father.

But I think it was good for her that she died without suffering for a long time.

I wish her mother a long life.

However, it may be her own "ego".

It may be the time when her mother's own life force runs out.

Kazuko, who was beginning to sort out her feelings, was able to naturally accept her doctor's suggestion.

At least at the very end

On the other hand, the facility side was preparing to see if the family could at least spend time together, even if it was a corona disaster.

Face-to-face visits will be made possible for the elderly and their families who choose end-of-life care.

A visiting room will be set up near the entrance of the facility to prevent contact with family members who visit other residents.

Visiting time is limited to 20 minutes.

From January last year, one year ago, we decided to allow face-to-face visits only for families who chose end-of-life care after thoroughly implementing basic infection control measures.

In the background, there was anguish on the facility side.

When family members meet face-to-face and see each other's expressions and hear their voices, the residents' expressions become richer and their bodies recover.

Before the corona misfortune, I've been witnessing such a scene many times.

But now I can't.

If residents are infected, there may be people who lose their precious family members.

Still, I wonder if there is some way to create an opportunity for families to meet face to face.

I continued to feel frustrated at the situation where elderly people entering the facility could not see their families while visiting people was restricted as a measure against infection.

Naoyoshi Nozaki, who is the director of the facility where Setsuko is admitted, emphasized the importance of infection control to protect the lives of residents, and spoke as follows.

Naoyoshi Nozaki, Director of the Facility:

"Nursing facilities are places where people live, spend their lives, and face the end of their lives, so I think that psychological care is extremely important in addition to normal care. As society's response to COVID-19 continues to change, I believe that the time has come to consider whether there is a way to allow as many visitors as possible, rather than banning all visitors at nursing homes.

On the other hand, there are still not many facilities that have made similar decisions.

In November 2021, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced that face-to-face visits to facilities nationwide should be conducted to prevent infection from visitors and to consider the impact of ties and interactions between residents and families on their mental and physical health. However, based on the infection situation in the region, a notice was issued to ``consider a method that can be implemented as safely as possible.''

However, the reality is that there are many facilities that cannot make the decision when residents and staff become infected.

Things that come from clenched hands

Kazuko is now able to meet Setsuko face-to-face.

Once a month, I visit the facility and see Setsuko's face directly through the mask to see how she is doing.

A mother's hand that has become thin and thin.

Even so, I feel like I can communicate with them just by holding them.

I have a strong grip today.

I hope you still do your best.

I'm a little weak today.

I wonder if I'm not feeling well.

Kazuko thinks about that every time she holds her hand.

When I speak to her in my ear, I sometimes remember Setsuko when she was healthy.

Setsuko-san "Nice necklace"

Kazuko-san "Isn't it okay? Your mother chose it for you."

Setsuko-san "Really?

"

Setsuko loved fashion.

When I went shopping with her, she often gave me advice, saying, "This one is better."

She is also good at knitting, and when Kazuko was a student, she made a knitted vest for Kazuko to wear under her school uniform.

Even though she was sick, she was told to go to school.

She was tough too.

Come to think of it, she liked strawberry sandwiches.

I'll let her eat when she gets well.

Even if Kazuko doesn't react well until just before, her physical condition sometimes improves when Kazuko comes to see her.

Kazuko says that when she sees her mother like that, she gets strength because her mother is doing her best, so she has to do her best too.

Kazuko:

“I don’t know how many more times I will be able to hold my mother’s hand, but right now I am getting more energy. I don't think so. I would like to cherish this kind of opportunity and time from now on, and I would like face-to-face meetings to continue as long as possible."

Social Affairs Department Reporter

Saki Onishi

Joined in 2014

After working at the Kumamoto and Saitama Bureaus, she was in charge of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare in the Social Affairs Department.