The five questions you should avoid asking a bachelor this Christmas

• SEX Does sexual desire end with the arrival of children?

• FAMILY Phrases you should not say in the middle of a fight

Ready for family Christmas dinners?

Well, at this point I imagine that everything is more or less organized: food, gifts, location and desire to celebrate.

But there is something that you may not have taken into account.

Above all, if you are

or a single person, which amounts to the same thing.

I'm telling you loud and clear: they are

you !

Single shaming

is a phenomenon rooted in pop culture and societal expectations, describing the idea that singleness is just a

between two relationships that needs to be resolved as soon as possible.

It is assumed that single people are missing something, as if their independent life is not as valuable as when they are in a relationship.

AMONG THE YOUNGEST

Any 'single' faces the same topics, especially before the family.Shutterstock

A study by Bumble, the

in which women take the first step, shows that

has experienced

In the document, they state that they have felt pressured by their family or society to have a relationship or get married.

Unexpectedly, this occurs more among young people, in one in four of the Spanish Generation Z (those born between 1997 and 2012).

In order to minimize the effects of the five main pillars of

and

, you would need to identify them.

So here they go, and surely more than one will ring a bell.

• "But aren't you together anymore? With the

  good couple

  you used to make!"

With therapy behind you, several intensive sessions of inconsolable crying, with or without friends, and 12 boxes of

, what does your aunt look like commenting on whether or not the best decision was to continue with that relationship?

She takes a deep breath and thinks that

is your most powerful weapon.

With affection and firmness we can convey our discomfort by requesting that our decisions and emotions be validated.

Hard task to prepare for the opinions of others, I know.

Even more so when they are not requested, by the way.

Curiously, they are usually broadcast happily around the table by those relatives who

and perhaps you only see once a year.

Yes, exactly, at Christmas.

And of course, between toasts and toasts, although the inopportuneness does not need them, they get to talk about your derailed, according to their vision, intimate life.

Questions about your exes or embarrassed faces accompanied by a, "with how cute you were", like that, in the past tense.

this pearl.

• "And still

  without a partner

  ?".

A classic of

.

Myths such as the better

and the need it generates to feel complete and loved, in addition to the fears associated with its absence, make people suffer who fail to reach that supposed

.

In fact, Bumble has found that people are not only choosing to be "conscious singles," but are becoming even more aware of who and how they date others.

Thanks to the "myth of romantic love" and its allies, the romantic Christmas movies, it is often thought that a person will be

if they do not have a partner.

A fallacy that leads us to feel and, therefore, to speak as if it were an absolute reality that your situation is painful and that it must be remedied as soon as possible.

The drama is served, they just need to sing to the rhythm of a tambourine: "What are you going to do without a partner for the rest of your life! Well, fun, fun, fun!".

No?, you think.

Because they won't let you talk much, or they won't listen to you, which is almost worse.

You know it because the following year they will repeat the happy

as always.

• "Are you going out with him?

  That person

  doesn't hit you at all...".

We assume socially established stereotypes about why one person can mix well with another.

Stop

others with who society assumes we should be.

Judgments and prejudices make life easier for us because they are mental shortcuts that allow us to

and classify people and their actions quickly.

However, they do not legitimize us to judge the relational needs or desires of another person.

No more incisive interrogations about your love life, with bad cop and good cop if lucky.

• "Don't you get tired

  of going from flower to flower

  ?"

Although for more than two out of three Spaniards (69%) sex is no longer a taboo subject, according to data from the well-known app, we continue to feel exposed to this type of question that questions our sexual freedom and rightly so, since we do not we should give explanations about our decisions.

When it comes to sex and relationships, more and more people are approaching intimacy and dating in an open and exploratory way (42%), but in no case should we be forced to

with family or friends, nor our decision to go out with several people to better understand what we want.

Perhaps better to act as if we had not heard the question or take it as a joke, but sometimes it affects, let's not deny it.

When you understand where this comes from, making you feel like an undesirable jerk for not having a formal relationship, and not in formaldehyde as hers seems to be, you understand why they do it, and although it may cause some pain, the discomfort may

.

Indeed, they may not do it consciously but they feel better

(they think they are), than theirs (which they must be because they are running away from them).

The saying "evil for many, consolation for fools" would divinely represent this very "Christmas" situation.

• "Don't you think you're going to

  miss the rice

  ?"

It is the most heard and repudiated mythical phrase.

The icing on the cake for any dodgy family reunion and an invitation, with a whiff of

, to pair up as soon as possible.

Question that does not usually lead to a good port if the machine is forced.

A couples therapist tells you, in case it occurred to you to accept the proposal.

Sometimes they think they are helping you, I know, but don't kid yourself,

.

When a subject as complex as having children is treated with so little empathy, especially for women, the first thing we must take into account is that there are many possible reasons why they do not have them, such as, for example, there is some difficulty or for personal decision.

Maybe we love a lot but badly.

They may not know how to do it as well as they think, but you don't have to put up with their clumsiness either.

It is time to learn to

them .

It seems that we have not yet assimilated that golden rule that said: "What cannot be solved in five minutes is not commented on."

Above all, if

, and even less if it is done in public.

By sticking to it, we might get her to get that spinach out between her teeth, but not get her out of family Christmas dinner with a partner.

Because of the complexity of the matter and because he doesn't even want it.

Are you single and facing the Christmas interrogation?

Take a deep breath and think that assertiveness is your most powerful weapon.Shutterstock

So let's stop torturing with these inappropriate appreciations

let's celebrate that we love each other without judging each other and respect the difference.

Being unique is what makes us equal.

*Ana Sierra is a psychosexologist.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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