(1)
I am going through a new experience, interesting and disturbing at the same time, but what is remarkable about it is the children’s messages that I receive and their fathers and mothers complain about, and because I am an old father, we fathers and mothers are used to the children being the subject of our complaints whenever we meet: staying up late at night while they are babies, taking care of them and raising them as young, Their rebellion, their stubbornness and their academic problems while they were teenagers, then the battle of marriage and its aftermath, their problems do not end.
But the messages are quite the opposite.
(2)
“My mother does not embrace me,” a short sentence that sums up a bitter complaint, and the girl says: The matter does not stop at depriving her of a hug that gives her the feeling of safety and possession of the whole world, but no sweet word she hears upon completion, nor consolation when stumbling, nor any praise from that which Any girl would love to hear it.
We make a mistake when we are satisfied with loving sincerely, we make a mistake when we think that there is no need to express it, for surely the mother loves her daughter, but she does not want to express it at all. Her daughter, the truth is the opposite.
Perhaps the father has to be firm, at a time when the mother remains a bank of tenderness, to which the children resort, to relieve them if the father transgresses and harsh on them, to covertly answer some of their demands, to relieve them of their troubles and not to underestimate them.
I ask a question without an answer: Who among us would accept that his son disagrees with him in his opinion, that a son or a daughter say to their father or mother, with all respect and with all the polite words: I differ with you in your opinion?
(3)
We love our children madly, and we hope that they are the best of their peers, and for that we may adopt harmful parenting methods, just like a mother who aspires for her daughter to be a perfect figure in everything, so she brought up her to do what her friends do, she doesn't want her to hear those songs Nor to play that music, nor to watch this movie, nor to play this sport, and the girl wants to live her age as she ought to live, practicing what her peers do. Other than that, there is plenty of room.
And because the mother wants her daughter to be an ideal figure, an icon and an unprecedented symbol, she also does not want her to make mistakes, surrounding her from every side, teaching her orders and prohibitions, what she should do, and what she should not do, and the girl wants to go through her experiences by herself. Others make mistakes, like human nature, to learn their lessons on their own.
What will this girl do when she grows up, gets married, gives birth, and the parents are absent?!
How will she go through her life when she is used to having someone around her from every side so that she does not fall?!
Now let her fall before her parents, and they hurry to help her, better than later she should fall alone.
(4)
We fathers and mothers do everything we have for the sake of our children, their upbringing, and their upbringing. Indeed, we suffer for many years, sacrifice everything we have, and waste years of our youth trying to provide them with what they can of a decent life in their future, but is this a sufficient reason for us to want our children to be a copy of us?
It's so selfish, to metamorphose their characters, to ask them to be just like us, love what we like, hate what we hate, study what we've studied, and specialize in our own profession.
Our children were created for a time other than our own.
Because they will be late.
Why do we consider that in our children’s violation of us there is a lack of respect for us, and there is no loyalty to what we have done, and I think the opposite, we raise them to be independent and free personalities, and the first independence is that they choose what they want, if they choose by choice to become like us, it is a beautiful thing, and if they want to be different from us, it is Jamil also.
And to mention the difference, I ask a question without an answer: Who among us would accept that his son disagrees with him in his opinion, for a son or daughter to say to their father or mother, with all respect and with all the polite words: I disagree with you in your opinion?
Treat them as friends, you will find wonder and admiration, enter into dialogues with them, do not monopolize the pulpit, let them talk and express what is burning in them, ask them for help if the family goes through a crisis, move them from the “object” field to the “actor” field, let them mature under your hearing and your sight
(5)
When the father enhances the role of the son at the expense of the role of the daughter, he has wronged her, and wronged his future daughter-in-law, and wronged every woman who will fall in his way. He has established a wrong principle, without any support from Islam if you accept it as a religion, but we tend to our customs and traditions and what we inherited from our previous generations.
Do not force your son or daughter to study a specialty, whether your specialization or a specialization that you see fit for him or her due to your experience, give advice and then let him think about it slowly, make his decision and assume his responsibility.
You should not deal with him as ignorant of the matter, unconscious, not knowing his interest as we used to say, yes he is not complete yet, but some children have a completely clear picture of them since their childhood, they have determined the shape of their future that they will live while you, of course, will be absent about this world.
Do not stop giving advice because this is our duty, but do not get angry if they disagree with you, do not get angry if they do not act upon it, or if they take some and leave some.
(6)
I know it's hard, but the results are amazing, and you'll enjoy it.
As soon as your children grow up, stop treating them as those little ones that you used to carry around your neck, and change their inner and outer clothes for them, now you live with you mature, old people, as if they were strangers, each one has his own personality and needs, you are not a leader in an army they have to listen to and obey .
Treat them as friends, you will find wonder and admiration, enter into dialogues with them, do not monopolize the pulpit, let them talk and express what is burning in them, ask them for help if the family goes through a crisis, move them from the “object” field to the “actor” field, let them mature under your hearing And your sight.
At this age they are in a transitional stage preparing to leave the world of their father and mother, so leave in their souls every good trace, do not wish them what you have done for them, nor what you spent on them, wait for their appreciation of you from themselves, if they do not understand the harvest of your upbringing, they are to blame and you Also, don't evade it.
Give them freedom and do not be afraid, you will reap what you sowed in them when they were young, your chains will not protect them from error, but you may push them to it, your chains will bring them back to the chains of others, never let them captive to a chain.
Seek the help of God, for none of us succeeded in raising his children thanks to Him, but by the grace of God, let the Most Merciful surround them with care, pray a lot for them, not only for success in this world, but for success in the test of the hereafter.
(7)
In years of violence we consider ourselves capable of everything, in theory we admit what time will do with us, but in reality we do not live this meaning, we think that we will always remain strong, we will not be affected by diseases, our backs will not bend, we will not stop working, and we will not pant when we climb the ladder We will not lose our position as the center of attention, and when the years pass quickly, when we become old adults, our children will be in their vigor, and then we will look at them so that they may return the favor.
The truth is that what we sowed in our youth with them, we will reap in their youth with us. If we are generous they will be so, if we are merciful, if we respect them, if we listen to them, if we bear their foolishness, if we are patient with them;
but they will not give us what we expect from them;
Because we didn't give them what they were waiting for from us, so be careful what you sow, they will not heal us unless we justify them.