Is it crueler to leave your partner with ghosting or 'it's not you, it's me' excuses?

"It's not you, it's me",

"now I can't have a relationship" or even some crazy one to never see who you just met again: "I'm going to Timbuktu for a year" .

Each and every one of those excuses, lies or half-truths used to stop seeing someone you were dating or had just met, universally communicated a fact that required no further explanation:

After a "we have to talk" there were those who did not need another word, because the real reasons matter little in the face of that illuminating reality like few others, of knowing that we are not reciprocated, of knowing that it is not there.

Cowardice had always been the typical dish of any ending, abusing lies to justify behavior as human as natural.

As if it were necessary to hide a reality that, although painful for the other person, is liberating for both.

Nobody is bad for the mere uncontrollable fact of not feeling for the other what they long to want for someone.

or to get out as soon as possible without reprisals.

Perhaps many lied looking for understanding in goodbye, because they were more scared to find indifference to their lack of love, than anger and pain.

to the cruelty

But in a time when

without the ability to know desire, normalizing contempt for love, a few simple or concise words are no longer dedicated on WhatsApp, nor a post-it on the fridge to say " We better leave it here."

The infantilization of society makes

What supposes an effort to the weakling of the sofa or what is not instagrammable, is discarded.

Excuses have been replaced in our time by virtual vanishing, by silent and sudden disappearance.

Like a ghost that never existed.

Ghosting is done.

And it's not just men.

Disappear like ghosts

There have always been those who went out for tobacco and never came back, but now it is the rule that one day was the exception.

The dysfunctional normality of relationships in postmodernity consists of disappearing, not answering messages or blocking

the person with whom you were making plans five minutes ago

An emotionally balanced person, even normal, may have

believing that his silence is due to something that has happened, from an accident to a guerrilla kidnapping, because not a single previous gesture led to suspect that the meeting on Thursday He wasn't even going to bother canceling it.

Meeting someone and that real connection arises, that natural complicity that at that moment makes you feel in the place you want to be is not very common, despite what Instagram and other applications may have us believe.

But it begins to happen frequently that after experiencing that connection, the other person disappears online, leaving the other dazed in

.

The relations of modernity

Mistrust and fear are installed when meeting another person.

There is a wall between men and women, increasingly disconnected because they believe that

showing yourself, or putting effort or feeling into meeting someone who probably will not answer you again after having dedicated your best attention to them.

Apparently, sexual and sentimental modernity was to behave like emotional psychopaths, cruel infantilized narcissists, lost in insignificance, in a life that they devalue.

Thus it is impossible to show who you are in an intimate way when the possibility of it disappearing for no reason and without saying a word is so common.

It is becoming more and more normal and even expected that the people we flirt with behave without humanity with whom they have shared intimacy.

The dynamic of treating the other as if they did not exist, for no reason, as if everything were the product of a daydream, digs an abyss of

in people.

the changing future

The fear and insecurity that the generalization of ghosting sows prevents relationships from being considered beyond obtaining a superficial utility, even undermining the carefree fun of enjoying the other.

which is what determines the value of a society.

The addiction to passing the screen leads to dehumanize those who cross our lives, they are companions of experiences.

But in the midst of that dazed cloud of shared mistrust there are

and the same incomprehension towards the absurd, with much to offer and surrender.

Conforms to The Trust Project criteria

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