An infertility patient: "When you see that you can't be a mother, you get the shock of your life"

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They are a walking dictionary of acronyms and dot their speech about RA (assisted reproduction), IVF (in vitro fertilization) and AI (artificial insemination).

They are fluent in their own code, which is actually the one they share with other infertility patients.

As if they were NASA aerospace engineers, a layman understands few sentences if he suddenly lands in their conversation, full of names of hormones, "transfers", "seminograms", "

", cells 'natural killers'...

Words and more words that allude to a treatment, a medicine, a diagnosis.

, who tell their stories for YO DONA, have learned them in the doctors' consultations they have been or are regulars at;

of Saint Google;

and of other women who know about infertility because they have lived it in their own guts.

They are force experts.

They did not know each other before this report, but there is a beautiful thread between them that immediately connects them.

Marichu, Mamen and Sara, three infertility patients.Ángel Navarrete

Three words, this time intelligible, support this approach to infertility: hope, disease and taboo.

The first is what underpins the day-to-day life of patients, who always dream of the same ending: getting pregnant and having a baby.

The second does not correspond to the perception of society, which tends to depathologize infertility, although it is considered

.

And the third, taboo, a barrier that favors the ignorance and loneliness of those who suffer from it.

However, in addition to these three, many more words are needed to explain the process that thousands of women go through each year to fulfill the dream of being mothers.

They (in the case of heterosexual couples) also spend their time, but biology has wanted gestation to happen in us

One in ten babies, the result of assisted reproduction

The latest data on assisted reproduction in pre-pandemic Spain (2019) say that almost 181,000 treatments were carried out between in vitro fertilization (IVF) and artificial insemination (AI).

Of them 37,500 live creatures were born and the Spanish Fertility Society (SEF) estimates that 33,500 were babies born in Spain.

This means, mind you, that 9.5% of births between the last quarter of 2019 and the first three of 2020 are the result of artificial reproduction.

That is, one in 10.

The figures in 2020,

, offer an X-ray where the virus is evident, since in addition to confinement and restrictions, fertility centers were closed: a total of 153,300 treatments were carried out, from which 30,500 babies were born, 8.4% of the total number of creatures that came into the world during the last quarter of 2020 and the first three of 2021.

In 2021, according to the National Institute of Statistics, Spanish women had their

, a figure that invariably increases in each statistic.

In addition, it is a fact that a woman's fertility drops significantly at 35, which is why a certain stereotype is fed that necessarily links infertility with old age, a way of pointing the finger at women for having started late and letting them be pass the rice

None of the three who speak today in these pages had exceeded that critical age when they learned of her illness.

Mamen Arquer: "When you see that you can't, you get the shock of your life"

Mamen Arquer was 32 years old when she and her husband started looking for a pregnancy, like any young couple.

Today, at 38, she happily deals with two two-and-a-half-year-old children.

These lines can hardly summarize what she experienced: "It was

of multiple treatments, thousands of diagnostic tests and a lot of suffering," she explains.

She and her husband exhausted their possibilities and

and she underwent no less than 11 treatments in a row, a tremendous beating for body and soul: "I know it's a lot, but I didn't want to stop."

It was 2019 when the last available embryo was implanted and there came the positive that everyone longs for.

Miraculously, as she says, that embryo decided to divide to make her the mother of twins.

She still gets emotional today when she tells it.

"It was the last one," she repeats herself several times.

The hope of having a baby is the nail that those who suffer from infertility cling to.

And science doesn't fix everything, but it advances relentlessly.

Dr. Juan José Espinós is president of the

and explains that assisted reproduction techniques are becoming more sophisticated and effective.

"We are well above natural fertility, which is around 20% in each cycle. Embryos are increasingly cared for better, and their survival and viability are increasing. This is the result of many years of research in in vitro fertilization [the first baby test tube was born in the UK in 1978]," he explains.

Espinós states that in the number of artificial reproduction treatments, Spain is at the head of Europe and is among the top five countries in the world, sharing figures

, for example.

"We enjoy great prestige and, in fact, we are a reproductive tourism destination for the French, British, Germans...", he concludes.

Experts recommend that women who want to be mothers check the status of their ovarian reserve and if they do not want to have a child at that time, vitrify (freeze) their ovules: "It is advisable to do it before the age of 35 to stop the reproductive clock ", says Dr. Manuel Muñoz, director of the

.

In addition, he continues, in the case of a heterosexual couple, it is convenient to evaluate the male factor: "In 40% of cases that consult us because they have difficulties conceiving, we find problems simultaneously in both members of the couple."

Marichu Suárez: "We decided to stop and start an adoption process"

Angel Navarrete

Marichu Suárez had her first embryo transferred when she was only 26 years old, but neither that nor the other six that came later worked.

"My husband and I spent all our savings and I was emotionally devastated. We decided to stop, enjoy our youth and start an adoption process," she narrates.

Along the way, she opened an informative profile on Instagram and wrote the book

, the practical guide that she would have liked to have when she began her journey.

Through networks, precisely, naprotechnology reached her ears, which delves into the causes of infertility and tries to repair them to achieve natural conception.

In her case, those whys were a blocked tube, autoimmune hypothyroidism, hormonal changes, and faulty ovulation.

The pregnancy arrived at two months and with it, the mandatory suspension of the adoption process, with which the couple plans to continue.

Today Marichu is 29 years old and Juanito, her son,

;

if he doesn't crawl now, he won't be long.

"The doctor tells you to try to have children naturally for a year and to take folic acid. That's it. They insisted that at my age I was still young, that there would be no problem... When you see that you can't, you take the scare of your life", acknowledges Mamen.

until she walked through the door of an assisted reproduction clinic for the first time: "There I found out that you are born with a limited number of eggs. In the gynecologist's consultations they inform you about contraception, but of fertility. Having some explanatory brochures would be enough," he protests.

Sara González: "What they tell you the most is to relax, and that does a lot of damage"

Angel Navarrete

Sara González began her process even younger, since she had not turned 31 when she began looking for a pregnancy with her partner.

Today she is 35 and has nine treatments behind her, but her path is not over yet.

In Social Security, she says, the deadlines are longer than in private clinics, which absorb 80% of the assisted reproduction sector in Spain.

The wear and tear of life as a couple is such that love is not always able to handle everything.

"It is something that occupies your entire life and you accumulate a lot of tension. We have been separated for two months," says Sara.

She is also a teacher of the first cycle of Early Childhood Education, which includes ages 0 to 3 years: "I have been

. It was very painful to be surrounded by small children and babies all day. This course I have joined And I hope it goes well."

Guilt

appears several times in the conversation.

It is recurrent to think that they should have started looking for a baby earlier, to have been more informed, that they miss a lot of work during the treatments ("you can have three doctors in a week," says Sara)... And when, within the process of in vitro fertilization, they transfer embryos that do not prosper, the litter multiplies: perhaps too much stress, perhaps poor nutrition, perhaps this, perhaps that... Too many perhaps.

Sara went to an immunology clinic and was diagnosed with a disease that makes it difficult for her embryos to survive, which also, due to the couple's genetic incompatibility, have a high probability of generating malformations in a baby.

Now they await the diagnosis of four

to determine what steps to take.

Of course, they have asked her many times if she does not prefer to throw in the towel and opt for an adoption: "It is not easy, nor does everyone want it. It is something very personal," she settles.

no shame yes taboo

The psychological weight that these women carry touches many fibers: "It seems that you are less of a woman for not being able to get pregnant naturally," says Sara.

They also admit something as human as envy: "Even with my twins, as there is a pregnancy around me I still feel a pang.

. I'm happy for whoever tells me, but I think that feeling will be there for life", Mamen is sincere.

They have not felt ashamed to talk about their process, although they do admit that it is a taboo and that it generates uncomfortable conversations.

Then there is the reaction of people that, sometimes, is not the best: "What they tell you the most is to relax and that hurts us a lot, but surely I will have said things similar to friends," admits Sara.

At least, they say, women share their emotions more.

On the other hand, it is difficult for them, because they feel their masculinity is threatened.

"My husband did not say anything around him until my children arrived," admits Mamen.

National Infertile Network

View this post on Instagram

Talking and sharing, precisely, was the origin in 2014 of the association Red Nacional de Infertiles.

Today it exceeds 2,600 associates.

, its president, says that infertility needs to come out of the closet and that women need love, information, understanding and company: "Meeting each other was a breath of fresh air for me."

And she adds: «There is still a lot to explain, because people think that as soon as you enter a clinic you leave with a twin car».

One of the services offered by the association is to provide psychological support to patients, who also have a support group in case they decide to throw in the towel.

, a psychologist from the Infertile Network, maintains that those of us who listen should not minimize their feelings with phrases such as "it is better without children" or "you will see how it will come soon".

"And not showing pity, because that's why many women prefer to keep quiet," she concludes.

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