This is how it is linked (in person) in 2022

• Finding a partner at 30 years old.

  The age of the requirement

• It doesn't depend on you and you can't handle everything.

  And besides, you suffer more.

  Love in the 21st century, according to Tamara Tenenbaum

Bewilderment.

That is what Flor (figurative name, 35 years old) feels faced with the current 'theater' of

She lived the same 'protocol' that we

lived at the time (the dates that were forged at night with the repetitive formula exchange of glances + approach + stereotyped verbal formulas + first physical contact with tug-of-war + hours of chat + exchange of phones...) and now he faces a

"where men don't get close, they have a very haughty or distant attitude, they say things like 'it's that you impose a lot on me' or 'it's that I don't know how to act, it's not going to make you feel bad' and it seems that there are to chase them down to get them to pay you any attention.

Just in case, Flor is an attractive, independent, open, extroverted woman.

She's not averse to a one-night stand if things come that way.

But nothing, there is no way.

Marta, from Madrid, has just turned 27 and has a very active nightlife.

I ask him about the

and he tells me the following: "Normally you are at a party, you see someone you like and they like you, you kiss or whatever comes up. Then you talk, but of course you don't stay there, talking for hours. Sometimes it's more of a 'give me your instagram', and everything starts from there. You talk that way and then you see if you stay another day or not".

-And that's because of mistrust?

-The truth, I think it's because you don't spend your party time on that.

It's like "I'll handle it later".

-But then the crush has disappeared from the map?

-No, but you end up managing it later.

Or you leave with that person that same night.

Have you heard of

Well, that, everything more ephemeral.

Marta refers to a type of relationship that was predicted and described by the Polish philosopher and sociologist

who titled one of his books 'Liquid Love.

On the fragility of ties '(Paidós) a spin-off, we could say, of his reflections on the

or

.

For Bauman,

are the consequence of the perception that it is

since we live immersed in a permanent and unstoppable succession of

that affect both our

and immaterial conditions (ideas, affections, emotions, etc.). , status...).

This leads people to

and distrust their feelings and ignore them as much as possible, since they fear that they will make them dependent.

It is assumed that

may or may not be, but in any case they will not be permanent, which leads to them not necessarily being exclusive, but also to

, to keeping a certain 'preventive' distance.

A light and brief flirtation

To prove it, tonight we go out with Irene, 29 years old, from Almería.

And he agrees with Marta about the mechanics of the current courtship: "It's like a

. There is a

a conversation, but the goal is to end up

or even something else, going with the other person to his house or yours. If you get intimate to that extent, you give each other the phone, but if not, and everything happens in the club, you only give yourself

(in a 'how lazy' way. Because imagine you give whatsapp and the next day you don't find it so attractive that person...). You don't spend your party time talking a lot. It's more: I get overwhelmed thinking that I'm spending that time with that person instead of being with my friends or dancing".

For the clinical psychologist and writer

author of 'Novogamia.

Beyond monogamy and polyamory' (ed. Oberon), it is clear that "in addition to the obvious prying about

(which was previously done through conversations or face-to-face activities), I believe that the identity of today's youth has expanded to the digital world and that therefore the presence of digital images has gained greater weight when evaluating possible sexual-affective interests.Looking at a person

helps to

or sex-affective with possible candidates". In addition, Ferrer suggests, "it is very possible that how such candidates present themselves to the world is also an added factor, in the sense that many current youth give great importance to how their friends will perceive their rolls or partners through their images on Instagram". Obviously, the expert points out, as we all know, such

-presentations are highly selective and potentially misleading, but they are not exempt from offering relevant information".

Instagram: the litmus test

Instagram thus becomes a kind of compostelana that, the next day, in broad daylight, the other person will check to decide if they like you or not, or yours was just a mirage in the darkness of a nightclub, probably with a few grams of more alcohol in the body.

In any case, what is clear is that

is played today more than ever on the

card (and not only on physics, because as Jorge N. Ferrer suggested, we can get a lot of other information from the Instagram profile ).

Our 'sticker album' passively replaces us in the 'day after'.

From a practical point of view, it saves us from rejection, if there was going to be any.

Marta and Irene's statements offer another revealing fact: that the

night

has been largely

.

This is confirmed by the journalist and DJ

30 years old, a deep connoisseur of trends: "Since the appearance of applications like

, everything has been

. Before, young people had two fundamental motivations to go out: have fun with friends and flirt. From 2012 to now that has changed.

at the time of leaving.

Being able to make out with someone has become an appendage, not a perfect end of the night." Which is not to say that it has disappeared from the personal horizon. the method to do it has changed", clarifies Irene. "There is still a search.

But I prefer not to dedicate the same prominence to it as to the rest of the things I'm living".

More control over the situation

In addition, now, adds Víctor Ant, there are many ways for relationships, "ways that allow you to

the situation more, have dates and be able to live the whole process in a different way and during the day, without having to go to a nightclub.

now it's pure

. In a way, and in my opinion, this is more than positive.

and gives us

allowing us to consciously meet our dates" (goodbye to drunken relationships) .

The control Victor is referring to is a close-up target.

Control to avoid unpleasant surprises, whether they come through a pest that gives you the turra all night in a disco, a date that chases you by phone or much more serious situations.

"Girls are afraid of being raped and boys are afraid of being accused of crossing boundaries, so they tend to communicate online," plays British writer Caitlin Moran, whom we recently interviewed.

From the

over the process of meeting a potential lover or partner

are increasingly promoted .

, for example, incorporates functionalities such as the

whereby the girl can request a photo through the chat to ensure that the person with whom she is having a conversation is the same as the one that appears in the profile photos .

The fact is that, in the end, no matter how we wear ourselves, the

has been imposed in such a way that it even

in the melee.

In this regard, a more than interesting fact, which for readers of certain generations may seem typical of the upside down world: according to the study 'Dating Trends for 2022', also from Badoo, 29% of singles have ever made a

in a dating app with someone they

previously

36% of these stated that they felt more

doing so and 27% stated that this formula made it easier to ask the other person for an appointment.

Surprised by this information, I ask about the subject.

Head of Brand Engagement and Influence at Badoo, replies

: "Communicating online with people you've already met or know in real life makes

the experience of finding a partner through a dating app more

. In fact, we know that many people find it

to start

Apps help create a safe space that can be a more comfortable starting point for exploring a rapprochement with someone, whether you know each other in the 'real world' or not." You know, Flor: at the end, to pick up on face-to-face you are going to have to jump through hoops, I mean, on Badoo or Tinder, even if it is with your neighbor.

Conforms to The Trust Project criteria

Know more

• lifestyle