It is the question: what must be taken into account to be a good lover?

Perhaps the quick answer would be to stop doing so many things,

control less, feel more and be you


Because we do too much to prove that we are, and precisely who is, knows that great lovers do not need to prove anything.

You have to know that all people

are fantastic potential lovers.

To achieve this, a series of rules must be taken into account and put into practice:

1. Assess care.

Affective responsibility is based on respect, care, empathy, or understanding that all our actions have repercussions on the other and assertiveness, effective communication based on affection and care.

A great lover, therefore, always maintains

consensual relationships, consensual and desired by all parties


The best lovers know how to 'stop' to listen to the needs of the relationship and ask if they have any doubts about fulfilling that affective co-responsibility.

Always remember that lovers love, honor their name, even if you only share sheets.

Bad lovers see objects of pleasure where there are humans.

2. Goodbye to protocols.

No human relationship is a table of exercises, nor can the same method be applied in variable contexts.

The routine is positive and necessary to rest creativity, but

too much tires and little pleases.

Sometimes in sex, as in all other areas of life, less is more.

And I don't mean that we stay standing and the other person finds out that she is going to have to work on it alone because there is a log in her bed, no!

But what has to be done, yes, but in another way and from another motivation.

Well, doing more never meant doing better.

It does not consist of entertaining or flattering, warming the ear, but

considering the other as an equal


A person with feelings, deserving of love, of whatever kind, and pleasure.

With his strengths and abilities but also with his clumsiness, illusions and fears.

Vulnerable, like you.

A being beyond a body.

3. Play without judging yourself.

To be a good lover you have to recycle yourself and first get rid of your beliefs and then your clothes.

We have been invaded with seduction models and strategies that are dramatically away from the essence of the "perfect" lover.

We are told that sexual success costs money, that it

requires grueling training and performance.

But not;

enduring a lot, having a certain physique or doing everything very well,

does not guarantee you to be a lover of 10


Also, being one is subjective, so being good or bad is a mutable perception.

Being above or below the other only serves to organize with the postures.

For everything else,

horizontal relationships and no hierarchies


Get the power games out of bed;

Unless you like domination and submission, of course.

You are neither more nor less for having a non-normative physique or wanting differently.

Neither does your gaming partner.

No rush, no times or sizes.

Only the size of your enthusiasm, pleasure and desire to play matters.

4. Zero demands


This is not just about generating pleasure for the other person or making them feel good, but knowing how to combine to achieve a favorable climate and that both enjoy and feel good.

You don't need to learn seduction strategies, seduce being you.

You are unique and appearing as such is sexy, for some.

People who love each other, want better, even if it's for a little while.

Accept your vulnerability.

You don't need to be a know-it-all, or even embed, to be a great lover.

So no matter how much Kama-Sutra you know by heart and can practice with the agility of a contortionist, you may

still be a mediocre lover

if there is nothing else to offer.

You do not have to achieve

goals such as intercourse or orgasm


The best lovers are not providers of orgasms, because orgasms belong to those who feel them, but they do make it easier for them to be achieved, without seeking it as the ultimate goal.

Delaying or even eliminating orgasm from the equation usually

enhances arousal

and achieves more pleasurable encounters.

5. Allow surprise.

listen to you

The best lovers are aware of their sexuality, their desires, preferences and also their fears.

Embracing uncertainty is not easy, but it offers us the possibility of surprising ourselves and even enjoying the moments when things do not go so well.

The need for control in sexual relationships is usually present.

This makes us feel


, pushing us into



To avoid this, the practice of mindfulsex is very helpful.

Hypervigilance in a direct pass to dysfunction, whether of desire, arousal or pleasure,

making it difficult for us to reach orgasm


Being a great lover is

understanding that mistakes are not failures

or that releasing flatulence is part of life and puts our capacity for frustration to the test;

important question.

That is the magic of relationships, that they can always surprise us.

It may not be pleasant a priori but, and

what we have laughed at

, huh?


is a sexologist.

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