Guangzhou youth "off the list" for 40 years
There are no role models at home, no courses in teaching, and distortion of social and cultural works are the pain points of the current marriage and love culture guidance
Young people read the information of the opposite sex according to the card number. If they are interested or have the right eye, write down the number, and the dating agency will help communicate and let the two sides meet.
If at the end of the conversation, there is no phone or address for the other party, the blind date is basically over.
40 years ago, how did young friends "get off the single"?
In 1982, the first place in the country approved by the municipal government to introduce "objects" to young people - Guangzhou Youth Marriage Agency was established. The place is the Youth Culture Palace on the commercial pedestrian street of Beijing Road, Guangzhou.
Today, the transformed and upgraded Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace Youth Marriage and Love Service Research Center has not only built an online marriage and love service platform, but also introduced a series of offline marriage-related psychological counseling, educational counseling and other public welfare projects to help young people deal with it correctly and running a romantic relationship.
It provides thousands of single young people with more platforms for making friends and getting married, and provides more possibilities for them to "get off the single".
Develop the most romantic group wedding
Feng Junsong was a veteran of the Guangzhou Municipal Committee of the Communist Youth League. At that time, he was keenly aware that young people generally had difficulty finding targets.
At that time, young people mainly rely on introductions and blind dates to find a desirable lover.
As a result, Feng Junsong thought of a lot of good ideas, the most popular of which was the regular gathering held by the Guangzhou Municipal Party Committee of the Youth League.
Since the establishment of the dating agency, drinking tea, dancing, dating and falling in love here on weekends has become a very fashionable thing among young people in Guangzhou.
Not only that, the dating agency also provides youth marriage counseling services for single young people, so that young people can correctly understand the psychology of love and accurately grasp the opportunity of love.
One of the great events of the year was that in 1984, the Guangzhou Youth Marriage Agency held a grand collective wedding for the young friends who were successfully married at the Oriental Hotel. The then Mayor of Guangzhou, Ye Xuanping, attended and served as a witness.
As of June 1984, the Guangzhou Youth Dating Agency has matched more than 1,400 couples with a success rate of 14.4%, ranking first among marriage agencies in the country.
Over the past 40 years, more than 300,000 single young people in Guangzhou have entered into marriages with the help of the Youth League.
In fact, the first youth collective wedding held by the Guangzhou Communist Youth League was in 1983.
In 2001, the Guangzhou Communist Youth League organized 33 couples to hold a collective wedding of Guangzhou youth underwater diving in Sanya, Hainan.
At that time, the news of the collective wedding of the youth of the "sea" vowed "mountain" alliance was pushed onto the front pages of major media across the country.
With the continuous innovation of Guangzhou youth group weddings, the forms have become more and more diverse, and young people have held group weddings on Mount Everest and the bottom of the sea.
The Xiang Yang couple, who participated in the mass wedding on Mount Everest, still remember the scene.
"Mount Everest has always been synonymous with sacredness and purity. 9 couples held a collective wedding at the base camp of Mount Everest to experience the blessings of the snow-covered plateau. It has been more than 20 years and it is unforgettable and meaningful!"
As the planner of the collective wedding that year, Yang Cheng, the current secretary of the Party Committee of the Guangzhou Youth League School, said that on the day of departure, many people watched and blessed the newlyweds. There were many model airplanes hovering in the sky to sprinkle gold powder on the newlyweds.
After arriving in Xining, they headed towards Tibet and Mount Everest along the Qinghai-Tibet Highway.
Although they experienced many difficulties such as altitude sickness on the way, everyone persevered.
He recalled that despite the limited conditions at the Everest base camp, the group wedding was still very solemn. The wedding was held under the witness of the sacred Mount Everest and was held with the characteristics of the Han and Tibetan nationalities, which was very romantic.
"This is a submarine diving wedding certificate!" Holding the newspaper of the year, Yang Cheng told reporters excitedly that 33 couples signed the marriage certificate ten meters below the sea with specially-made paper and pens and wearing diving suits. And exchange rings, the swarms of sea creatures around witness the romantic wedding.
This wedding also set the Guinness World Record for diving weddings with the most participation.
Changes in young people's understanding of marriage and love in the past 40 years
To this day, on the bustling Beijing Road Millennium Road, this matchmaking agency still hangs the plaque of "the first marriage agency in New China", and old photos of these collective weddings can be seen in the exhibition space of the hall.
Hu Zhanhong, director of the Youth Marriage and Love Service Research Center of the Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace, told China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily that all the people who come here want to have a happy family.
In this process, everyone's judgment of happiness is constantly changing.
"What we hope is that happiness can return to its essence and not be disturbed by too many external factors."
A survey data from the Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace Youth Marriage and Love Service Research Center in 2021 shows that nearly half of the post-90s youth in Guangzhou tend to develop love partners from friends/classmates, and choose marriage agencies/marriage websites to find love partners young people only accounted for 1.09%.
Faced with the problem of "difficulty in getting married" among young people, everyone is reminded of the government's pioneering spirit of building a matchmaking platform in the 1980s.
Forty years ago, marriage was considered an inevitable stage of life. As long as both men and women did not resent each other and relatives and friends felt it was suitable, they would naturally become husband and wife.
Today, the change in the concept of marriage and love has prompted young people to put forward higher requirements for marriage.
Hu Zhanhong said frankly that this generation of Guangzhou youths live in the Internet age and have obtained a wealth of information. They have the courage to accept new things and have different concepts of marriage, which is in sharp contrast with the generation of their parents.
"Some people go on a blind date with the illusion of a 'perfect' other half, or with strict rules and a 'next better' mentality, which will only make the probability of finding a match lower and lower."
It is worth noting that various platforms and activities for making friends and networking are becoming more and more abundant, but many young singles of the right age do not have a strong internal drive to choose a mate.
Hu Zhanhong found that the pressure from family members, relatives and friends, and themselves and even public opinion forced them to step up their consideration of life-long affairs, but their lack of love experience made marriage unresolved.
Hu Zhanhong said, "No matter how the method of matchmaking changes, the essence of the connotation is the same, which is to provide a way of understanding, understanding and communication between people. From these developments and changes, we can see the changes in young people's concept of mate selection."
In 2017, the Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace held a Lingnan folk-custom wedding at the Chenghuang Temple Square. An "unexpected" couple got married through a matchmaking agency.
"Jia Xin" and "Bing Qiang", one is a post-80s unmarried female master, and the other is an auto repair master who is a divorced daughter born in the 70s.
The woman's requirements are too high and many people are swept away, while the man's conditions are not ideal and many people are discouraged.
When the staff asked Jiaxin, "Why did you choose Bingqiang, you don't mind being her daughter's stepmother?" Jiaxin said, "Bingqiang moved me with action and sincerity." During the Spring Festival of 2017, Jiaxin was in the circle of friends There was a message that he wanted to go to Sanyuan Palace. Other single men he knew often just liked or verbally said "Happy New Year". Only Bing Qiang offered to accompany her.
With the changes of the times and technology, the root of youth marriage difficulties is no longer social channels and social costs.
Hu Zhanhong described, "Young people can get to know strangers in different fields by 'shaking' their mobile phones, but the shortcomings of using channels and solving marriage and love problems limit the occurrence of fate." Therefore, the Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace put the focus of its work on the work. In the marriage and love education for young people, "Lian Ai Xuetang" has become a perennially crowded activity item.
The lecturer often cites the stories of Bingqiang and Jiaxin as an example, "To make the other party like you, you need to do it yourself, not make a promise."
Willingness to "get off the single" and the emotion of "marriage fear"
According to the survey data, the post-90s single group in Guangzhou has a relatively high willingness to leave the single.
Among the single youths, 63.55% are willing to leave the single, only 9.19% of the youth have no willingness to leave the single, and 27.26% of the young people have an indifferent attitude towards leaving the single.
Hu Zhanhong said frankly that the wave of singles was in the 1990s, and many divorce cases occurred.
This generation of young people who are afraid of marriage is the children of the previous generation of divorce.
In such a dazzling environment, the value of marriage or the role of marriage in their eyes must have been greatly reduced.
"Love is a matter of two people, and everyone has a unique life experience, and has their own living habits and hobbies." Hu Zhanhong said that how to intersect two people's hobbies and circles is the opportunity for love to start.
For the post-90s post-90s working unmarried in Guangzhou, it is difficult to make sure that the other person is the same as him. If two people live in different time zones, it will be difficult to coordinate the time spent with each other.
"Most people turn their living habits into conditions when choosing a mate." Having the same hobbies means that they can resonate with each other on the same thing, and they will also think that the other party is more suitable for them.
It is worth noting that Hu Zhanhong said that marriage and love counseling work is a means to remedy the situation. Through psychological, legal, social work and other professional methods, it can help young people who have fallen into emotional problems to get out of the emotional haze as soon as possible.
Through the means of social education, the shortcomings of family education and campus education will be made up.
Hu Zhanhong found that in the process of marriage and love services, in fact, many issues of marriage and love between the sexes are accumulated over time, and it is also a transition from technical issues to principles.
Whether to do cost accounting when dating
Hu Zhanhong pointed out that only when the "availability" is high will take the initiative to attack.
When choosing a potential partner, post-90s post-90s workers in Guangzhou also have an important consideration. No matter how much the person’s conditions are in line with their ideals, they will evaluate the probability that they and this person may be together in the future.
If this probability is very small, I will choose to give up directly and not pursue it.
"Finding an object" is an investment cost, including time cost, energy cost and opportunity cost.
Hu Zhanhong believes that these costs will also form a "common exchange" with the cost of wealth.
For example, why you delay in making a decision is because you are worried that you will consume your own opportunity cost on the other party, and the possibility of realizing greater benefits will be reduced.
In the past, young people "looking for a partner" may be to solve the problem of having a spouse to start a family; now, young people may focus on thinking about what changes will be brought to their lives by finding this partner, whether it is a burden or a help.
Hu Zhanhong believes that many young people will consider this issue, and when considering this issue, this is actually the threshold.
Once a small boss came to the dating agency to "look for a partner". He explained to the staff that he was in foreign trade and wanted to find a girl who majored in English.
The staff asked him: looking for a job or looking for a partner?
The little boss said plausibly, "I hope to find a girl who can support my career development." His remarks were immediately poured cold by the staff, "You still recruit an employee honestly, and you can find a wife to give you free of charge. Working, isn't it obvious that people suffer?"
Hu Zhanhong bluntly said that many young people today are excellent individuals and have successful careers, but their ideas will come from their own perspective.
They may worry more about whether the other half will bring him a family burden and become a drag on him.
"They don't want to lower their living standards because they get married. Many of them would rather not get married than lower their living standards. This is a very realistic portrayal."
"Happy marriage is not achieved overnight, but a long-term operation, and it is also the inheritance of family tradition." In Hu Zhanhong's view, when young people place their love on matching and screening, the proportion of divorces in recent years has continued to rise, allowing young people to marry and love. The field of service research has produced profound reflections.
There are no role models at home, no courses in teaching, and distortion of social and cultural works are the pain points of the current marriage and love culture guidance.
Hu Zhanhong said that the marriage and love education and marriage counseling work of the Guangzhou Youth Culture Palace is explored and carried out in this general environment. Guide young people to establish a civilized and healthy concept of marriage and family and scientific and effective marriage and love skills.
The group "issued objects"
Shao Mingzhong, a teacher from the Marxism College of Guangdong Youth League School, who is engaged in research on the history of the Communist Youth League, believes that marriage and love are a major problem in youth development. Marriage issues in .
A hundred years ago, the youth of the May Fourth generation who established the Youth League had studied and discussed the issue of youth marriage and love in depth from the perspective of ideological enlightenment and liberation.
The young Mao Zedong once wrote a series of comments criticizing the old marriage system on Zhao Wuzhen's suicide.
After the founding of the People's Republic of China, the Youth League organization not only assisted the party committee and the government in establishing civilized marriage customs among young people across the country, but also provided a platform for young people to communicate with each other. endorsement.
In the new era of reform and opening up, the Communist Youth League has actively played the role of a social welfare organization for marriage and love. On the one hand, it promotes and educates young people to establish a correct view of marriage and love in school classrooms. Wedding and other forms, leading young people to establish a healthy and civilized lifestyle.
Since the beginning of the new era, the Communist Youth League has actively responded to the voices of the youth "targeted by the Youth League", included "youth marriage and love" in the medium and long-term development plan, and helped the older youth "get off the single", and also used the Internet and other emerging media to build a youth exchange platform, which is widely carried out. Healthy and progressive, various forms of marriage and dating activities help single young people "get off the single".
China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily reporter Lin Jie Source: China Youth Daily