Bai Daxia is writing a letter to a stranger in the distance.
Photo by Beijing News reporter Pu Xiao
Bai Daxia always saves 100 letters before going to the post office to send them.
She still remembers the surprised look in the eyes of the security guard when she first went to the post office on Jiugong East Road, Daxing District, Beijing to send a letter.
Seeing the girl holding a pocket in one hand and stuffing the letters one by one into the letterbox in the other, the uncle couldn't help but ask: Is this from the company?
Bai Daxia replied: No, I wrote it myself.
The uncle then asked: Who are you writing to?
She replied: Stranger.
The uncle asked again: do you accept the money?
Bai Daxia said: No money.
After sending the letter, Bai Daxia left while the uncle still had some doubts in his eyes.
"He may find it difficult to understand." Bai Daxia guessed.
Before March this year, Bai Daxia may not have imagined that she would do this, and she has never even made pen pals in the past.
Now, she has written 600 letters to strangers, 400 letters away from her goal of 1,000.
Writing letters to strangers suddenly became the most important thing in her life right now.
In March, the girl whose online name was "Bai Daxia" posted the message of "writing letters to strangers" on the Internet, and tens of thousands of letter seekers emerged.
She calls them "pen pals", among them are confused girls who dropped out of school, middle school students who have experienced school violence, programmers who suffer from uremia and depression, and English teachers who haven't conceived a child in 10 years...
After Bai Daxia sent the letter, he also received more than 100 replies, "They wrote very long personal stories. These things may not be easy to talk to people they know, or maybe no one around is willing to sit down and listen." Be an outlet for pen pals' inner emotions.
Among them, many of them are receiving and writing letters for the first time.
letter not sent
Bai Daxia's hometown is Luliang, Shanxi Province, and he came to Beijing in 2008 to study fashion design.
The screen name "Bai Daxia" comes from the nickname given to her by her classmates in college.
"Maybe my classmates think my homework is too rough, and I have the character of doing whatever I want, with the style of a 'hero'."
In 2015, Bai Daxia lost his job, had no savings, and owed his girlfriend 5,000 yuan.
During that time, the relationship between Bai Daxia and a boy ended without a hitch, and the girlfriends who originally shared the rent together moved out because of their relationship.
"There was no money, no job, no love, and even the best friend moved away. It was really low at that time." Bai Daxia couldn't find anyone to talk to, so he started writing letters to the boy and his best friend, but none of the letters were sent. .
But writing it out makes me feel better.
She spread the unsent letter on the floor and took a photo as a souvenir.
On the afternoon of March 9 this year, Bai Daxia had a whim and posted this photo full of letters on a social platform with the text: "I loved writing letters for a while, maybe because I was too lonely, I wrote to My own, for my best friends, for someone in the future, I wrote one letter after another, but I never sent it out, I found out that day, and there were so many..." Unexpectedly, the photo caused a stir. Netizens' attention.
Some netizens suggested that everyone can be a long-term pen pal.
Within an hour after the photo was sent, more than 20 netizens asked Bai Daxia for letters in the form of private messages and messages.
In Bai Daxia's private letter, a boy who worked in Hangzhou told her that his work had not been smooth for a few years, and he was very confused about his life and future.
Bai Daxia thought that he had also experienced confusion, so he decided to write a letter to share his experience as a past person.
So she bought 20 envelopes and started writing that night.
In the letter, she shared her confusion in the first few years of work: she changed many jobs but did not find a career she liked, she had no savings, and was later fired.
Accidentally started reading books and found that the world in the book is full of sunshine and energy, so Bai Daxia read the book for a whole year and found a career she likes. Now she is a freelancer engaged in soft clothing design.
At the end of the letter, she gave a series of sincere wishes.
Thinking that this may be the first letter in many people's lives, Bai Daxia felt inexplicably happy.
She made her usual illustrations into postcards and attached them to each letter, and also put the petals of the peony in the vase.
On social media, there are a steady stream of letter seekers every day, Bai Daxia thought: Or write 100 letters.
Later, she thought that if she wrote 3 letters a day, it would be 1,000 letters by the end of the year.
It is not difficult to write a letter for a few hours in the evening when you are busy with your work during the day.
So she posted her plan to write 1,000 letters to strangers online.
To this end, she prepared a special notebook, and every time she wrote a letter, she wrote the pen pal's name in the notebook, and numbered everyone.
There were too many people leaving messages, and writing 3 letters a day became 5 letters a day.
On March 28, Bai Daxia wrote 100 letters.
Carrying this large package of letters, she walked for half an hour to the nearby post office.
The weather was cool and windy today.
"Every second is beautiful along the way."
Hearts that have nowhere to tell
On April 3, a junior high school student named Yanran sent a long private letter to Daxia Bai.
Yan Ran was about to take the high school entrance exam, but was hit hard by the drop in grades.
After transferring from junior high school, her grades suddenly fell to the middle and lower reaches. The mock exam was only over 400 points. The competition in the new class was fierce, and she didn't believe she could get up again.
It was difficult for her to tell the loss to the people around her.
Most of Yanran's thoughts over the years have been digested by himself.
Her parents divorced when she was 2 years old, and she lived with her grandparents since she was a child, and had already learned to deal with everything by herself.
Even if he had encountered school violence, when he returned home, he still acted as if nothing had happened, and did not want his grandmother to find out.
A week after asking for a letter, Yanran received this handwritten letter from a stranger.
Bai Daxia wrote in the letter, "I hope you can become confident, don't feel like a very ordinary person, believe that everyone is a unique individual. I hope you can get into a good high school through hard work."
These words hit Yanran all of a sudden, "She said exactly what I needed to hear at the time." Yanran said that she lacked self-confidence since she was a child, and Bai Daxia repeatedly mentioned the importance of self-confidence in the letter, He also introduced many ways to improve self-confidence, such as reading more books, developing hobbies, etc. Yanran felt that he was right.
This is the first time someone has told her about these things. "She told you this very sincerely, and she felt very warm in her heart." Yanran said, looking at the letter, it was as if someone was sitting across from her, like a friend Talk to her and encourage her.
That night, Yan Ran was still touched by the contents of the letter.
She suddenly figured out: it's no big deal to fail an exam, she is only a teenager, and there is still time, keep studying and don't give up.
Yan Ran had a good background in studies. Through intensive review, he scored 616.2 in the senior high school entrance examination, and was admitted to the high school he wanted to go to the most.
On July 15, Yanran wrote a reply letter to Bai Daxia. After going to the school to get the admission letter, he went directly to the post office to send the letter.
She hoped that this letter would surprise Bai Daxia.
Bai Yun, an English teacher in Yunnan, is also one of the seekers.
After ten years of marriage, she experienced three pregnancies, but the embryos always did not develop well and often stopped developing in the end.
Over the years, she has sought medical treatment everywhere, but has never found a solution.
The older he got, the more anxious and powerless Bai Yun became.
In recent months, there have been many cloudy and rainy days in Yunnan, and the bad weather has aggravated Baiyun's sense of loss.
After Bai Daxia told Bai Yun that the letter was sent, Bai Yun was worried that this thin letter would be lost on the way.
After a week, Bai Yun finally received the letter.
Inside the envelope was a postcard with a pink cloud, some flower petals, and several pages of letter paper.
Bai Daxia wrote a lot of words of encouragement to Baiyun in the letter, and said that she would buy a bunch of flowers online from Yunnan every week, and when she was in a bad mood, the flowers would get better when she was in a bad mood.
After that, Bai Yun began to try to buy flowers, from pink peonies to roses and jasmine, he bought them all.
After get off work every day, Baiyun looked at the blooming bouquets at home and felt that his mood had indeed improved.
Bai Yun's persistence in writing a thousand letters also inspired Bai Yun, she felt that she needed to find something to enrich her life instead of getting caught in a certain emotion.
"Writing a letter is a particularly sincere way of communication." Bai Yun said that she found that sometimes she was reluctant to reveal her heart to people she was close to. Maybe it was because she was afraid that she would be laughed at, or she felt that other people's concern was instead a burden.
Her fertility dilemma is rarely mentioned with friends, but in the letter, she released the grievances and sadness in her heart, "It's like there is a hole in a tree, I will tell you a little secret, and then say it, and I will feel more at ease."
On June 23, Xiaoyu, a girl who lives in Zhoukou, Henan Province, received the second letter from Bai Daxia.
In the letter, Bai Daxia recommended that she who dropped out of high school can try self-examination, and said that she can try to do anything that can make her grow and improve, and don't feel inferior.
In the past few months after receiving the letter from Bai Daxia, Xiaoyu's life has undergone some changes.
When she was a sophomore in high school, Xiaoyu felt lonely and depressed because she couldn't adapt to the new environment after transferring. She was always sick and couldn't concentrate on her studies.
She told her parents that she didn't want to go to school and stayed at home for a year.
During this period, Xiaoyu began to write a diary and began to think about what she wanted to do.
She thought of being a cake chef, thinking that a beautiful cake can bring people a good mood.
But she was slow to act.
On March 30, Xiaoyu saw Bai Daxia's letter writing plan on the Internet and sent her a letter asking for a letter.
20 days later, she received a letter from Bai Daxia.
In the letter, Bai Daxia encouraged her to do what she liked and made her believe in herself.
She wrote at the end of the letter, "There is one more important thing in life: action! All the troubles of moving are gone. Come on! I wish you to meet the self you like."
Xiaoyu cried when she saw the letter.
No one had ever said such a thing to her before. The family always felt that she was young and worried that she would go out to work.
The next day, Xiaoyu really took action.
She asked three cake shops, and finally got an apprenticeship in one cake shop.
Xiaoyu always had the answer in her mind about how to go in the future, but at that moment, the letter from Bai Daxia gave her a push.
The wind blowing on me feels different
In early May, Bai Daxia received a handicraft from a stranger from afar. Inside the glass cover was a dandelion, a panda holding a bamboo leaf, and some small flowers.
This exquisite handicraft is from a uremia patient from Sichuan named Er Shun.
Before the diagnosis of uremia, Ershun had been working in the computer industry in Tibet.
Today, Er Shun's daily life consists of going back and forth between the two hospitals in his hometown of Neijiang.
He is in the hospital for three dialysis treatments a week.
After the treatment, I will go to another hospital to take care of my mother, who recently suffered a fracture from a fall.
In the hospital, he behaved normally, but only he knew that the state he showed to others was the result of his best efforts in his heart.
Since the diagnosis of uremia, Ershun has been prone to depression. He has closed his circle of friends and refused to contact his colleagues, friends, and classmates.
Even his best brothers, he didn't tell them he was sick.
"I'm a very sensitive person, and I'm afraid others will worry about me, and I'm worried that he might be sad because he can't relieve my pain. I'm afraid they will be sad."
And the price of this is that Er Shun becomes more and more closed and lonely.
He said that there is a kind of luck in his heart. If one day he completes a kidney transplant, he will reconnect with his friends and return to their world after he is cured, instead of appearing in front of them in this sick state.
But until now, Ershun is still waiting for a matching kidney source.
During the Spring Festival this year, Er Shun and his girlfriend broke up.
He found that he could only sleep three or four hours a day or less, could not concentrate on anything, and was not interested in anything.
However, Ershun was reluctant to see a psychiatrist.
"The cost of treating uremia is already huge, and I can't accept myself having another disease psychologically."
One day in April, Er Shun happened to see Bai Daxia sending letters to strangers on the Internet, which is what he wanted to do but failed to do, "She gave many strangers comfort and touch, and this is what I need very much. ." He gave her a handmade one to express his admiration.
Ershun has some talent for manual work. In the first half of last year, when the depression was not serious, he studied the practice of immortal flowers. After the design and technology were mature, he was also invited to participate in the cultural and creative market.
This time, I was doing manual work for Bai Daxia, and he was much slower because he couldn't concentrate. It took him half a day to do it in half an hour.
After receiving the immortal flower, Daxia Bai contacted Ershun, and she learned about Ershun's condition through communication, and also sent him a letter.
Ershun received this letter from afar in June. Looking at the beautiful handwritten lettering on the two pages of letter paper, Ershun felt amazing: a friend he met on social media could remember what he told her, and Give comfort, even though she has written letters to hundreds of strangers.
Er Shun felt a kind of warmth from friends who had been away for a long time.
"Letter, compared to speaking or sending a message, its expression is strengthened. The same sentence, conveyed to you in handwritten text, you will be easier to remember, and it can bring more impact and power to people." Er Shun said.
Since being sick and hospitalized, he has seen a lot of indifference of human affection.
When he saw that a patient's family members were seriously ill and could not take care of themselves, he left him in the hospital and only came to visit once every two weeks, and some even came once every six months.
But when he received this letter, he was thinking that it turns out that there are not only those bad things in the world, but there are still people doing meaningful things and things that can warm people's hearts.
In those few days, Er Shun's mood improved a little.
"The world you feel is different in different moods. If you are in a better mood, you will feel different when the sun shines on your body or the wind blows on your body." Ershun said that at the moment when he felt the breeze, he It will be reminded that Bai Daxia may be writing letters to people of different backgrounds and experiences all over the country.
But Er Shun did not reply to Bai Daxia.
Writing a letter required concentration, which he couldn't do.
What he most wants to do now is to take good care of his mother and spend more time with her. At the same time, he also adjusts his mood and opens an online handicraft store to make a living.
To do this, he knew he needed to confront depression first.
Ershun is willing to receive treatment for depression.
100 year old promise
Two months ago, Bai Daxia found that the morning is the best time, so he changed the writing time from the evening to the morning.
Every day at 8:30 in the morning, Bai Daxia will appear on time at the long table covered with white tablecloth at home.
After turning the phone to silent, she skillfully took out the stationery and pen and started writing letters to strangers in the distance.
From Dehong, Yili, Mohe, Sanya, Nanning, Shanghai, Macau and Hong Kong, within 4 months, 600 letters from Bai Daxia arrived in many cities across the country, and even sent to Malaysia.
At the rate of writing 5 letters in 4 hours a day, Bai Daxia is almost continuously moving towards the goal of 1000 letters.
Occasionally there are times when she can't write, but she can adjust quickly.
She was pleased with her victory over laziness, saying it was an ego victory.
Now that she has written 600 letters, Bai Daxia has begun to have a confused memory of the details of many letters, and she can hardly recall the contents of many letters.
But she asked herself to be sincere every time she wrote a letter, and in one go.
"If pen pals can feel insincere, then it's a waste of writing." She has been in frequent contact with some pen pals.
In addition to more than 100 replies, Bai Daxia also received various gifts, such as hand-printed and dyed fabric works, sketches of flowers, woven keychains with the words "good things happen", hot pot bases, lucky bracelets, heart-shaped greeting cards, etc. .
There is also an ingenious Guangxi netizen who wrote her a menu of morning tea and Guangxi cuisine.
Today, Bai Daxia's home is gradually being surrounded by gifts from netizens, and her life is also lit up by blessings from afar.
On the day of her birthday, many pen pals also sent birthday wishes to Bai Daxia, and she just received a reply from pen pal Lan Lan.
Lan Lan said in the letter that she is the sun god who delivers warmth.
Although the letter did not say happy birthday, Bai Daxia felt that she was happier than receiving a bouquet of flowers.
She also received a birthday present from Xiaoyu: a large box of small stars and a hand-knitted lucky bracelet.
Bai Daxia's birthday has not been so lively for a long time. "In the past few months, I have received the most blessings and praises until I am 34 years old."
Bai Daxia's 600 pen pals range from 11 to 40 years old.
In 4 months, she had their home address, phone number, and hidden story.
One day after writing the letter, Bai Daxia suddenly realized that his heart seemed to be undergoing a transformation, "In the past ten years, I have read books and traveled for myself, but this matter is what I want to share with others and encourage others. . Maybe I just gave a little, but I got a lot." She felt as if she had become more inclusive and empathetic.
At 9:30 a.m. on July 13, after sending 100 letters for the sixth time, Daxia Bai suddenly asked himself a question he never thought about: Do I like writing letters?
She then thought, if she didn't like it, how could she finish 600 letters?
Why would you walk half an hour in the sun to send a letter?
Bai Daxia wrote on the Internet that he hopes to be able to write with pen pals until he is 100 years old. When everyone is old and lying in rocking chairs, they can still read each other's letters on the phone.
"Maybe until the end, only 50 pen pals out of 1,000 people are still writing letters to me. I'll leave it to them. I'll write until the end."
(Yanran, Baiyun, Xiaoyu, Ershun, Lanlan are pseudonyms in the text)
Beijing News reporter Pu Xiao