How to survive the summer without getting divorced in the process

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A

is one of the most painful events that many people claim to have gone through throughout their lives.

The love duel hurts, and a lot;

to the point that many patients report, with guilt and heartbreak, that they would almost prefer to have experienced

than to have been abandoned by the person they loved.

With everything and with that,

is as natural as the beginning of it.

We adults choose ourselves freely and, from that position of freedom,

Of course it hurts, because there is usually a story full of memories behind every couple, and because

can prevail for a lifetime.

Loving each other is not enough to be together, this is something that many of my patients learn in our sessions.

Choosing yourself is finding yourself at a point where not only passion, intimacy and the will to commit come together, but also vital times, rhythms and the potential to build a certain project.

And if breaking up wasn't so bad...

For this reason, in the face of the generalized idea that

by system, what can be demolished from the start is the myth that

Nothing is further from reality.

Every crisis we go through turns out to be an

every well-resolved crisis results in greater vital satisfaction derived from moving to a new stage, a new experience, with a

Take a look back and analyze it from your own life journey.

Why do we break up in the summer

That said, there is a lot that can be worked on in the couple before reaching the most radical decision.

Well, it's simple: we find ourselves after a long period in which

under which everything is swept.

We meet without the distraction of inertia, we look at our side and realize

with whom we truly share our life.

Many times, unfortunately,

Summer is usually synonymous with stopping, taking stock, planning and projecting.

work does not justify any escape and the day-to-day responsibilities that sometimes seem so urgent, become relativized.

For this reason,

summer is also the ideal time to stop doing it, and try to redirect the dynamics of the couple relationship

and the only thing left is to show the distance.

How can you take advantage of the holidays to recover the illusion of the couple?

• Adjust expectations.

  This is definitely the first.

  Things are not wonderful from one day to the next, even if we have decided to throw the house out the window and rest in a dream place.

  The stage helps but does not bring happiness.

  If we talk about taking care of what we have neglected throughout the year, imagine that some work needs to be done and that some patience is necessary.

• Put yourself in the place of the other.

  We arrived tired and with the idea that we deserve many things.

  And it is true.

  But the one we have next to us also arrives below the minimum, also carries dissatisfaction and also has needs.

  Planning that guarantees balance is summer planning that takes into account the needs of both, not just one.

• Let's force ourselves to communicate better.

  Let's find spaces for communication.

  Even if they are forced.

  Yes, you read it right.

  Another widespread myth in the couple is that if it does not come naturally to us, then it is that we are not worth it.

  No, what is natural is the most automated inertias, which are not necessarily the best.

  Communication must be fostered, it is necessary to create meeting spaces and force oneself to share.

  Then things will flow more spontaneously, worse, at first, you have to wake them up.

• Look for activities that you can share as a couple.

  Not only as a family, but exclusively as a couple.

  Relationships are maintained, despite their cost, because the benefits they bring are much greater than their resignations.

  Sharing rewarding activities is one of the most effective formulas to improve the balance of results and reap reinforcements.

• Learn to argue and put the counters to zero.

  Again you read correctly: discuss.

  Discussing is necessary and discussing is also learned.

  Because arguing is not fighting, it is not attacking each other, but rather sharing so that we can both listen to each other and reach a point of agreement.

  Understanding each other is accepting the emotions of the other even if they are foreign to us, and attending to their requests to a certain degree, knowing that we will never be 100% right or 100% of everything we want, but that a good percentage of our needs will be taken care of.

  Summer is a great time to work out sticking points and unload backpacks.

• Create new goals and common projects.

  Plan and get excited.

  Even what has more to do with you, and not so much with the partner itself, will be lived more intensely if you have counted on her and feel her support.

  The beginning of the course is almost more the beginning of the cycle than the beginning of the year, and what better way to take advantage of it to arrive with recharged batteries and renewed projects that take us towards a more motivating and exciting medium or long term.

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