• In 2019, 146 women and 27 men died under the blows of their partner or ex-partner, according to the national study relating to violent deaths within the couple.

  • Of the 173 deaths, eight occurred within same-sex couples, including seven male couples.

  • If domestic violence is almost systematically attributed to a man on a woman, it also exists within homosexual couples.

    But between the difficulty of talking about it, the invisible psychological violence and the feeling of illegitimacy, the victims are numerous to remain silent.

If domestic violence has received significant media coverage in recent years, freeing women to speak, for the victims of homosexual couples, the omerta continues.

In the collective imagination – and in the data – domestic violence is almost predominantly the act of a man against a woman, yet same-sex couples are no exception to this reality.

In 2019, 173 people were killed by their partner or ex-partner.

Among these deaths, eight occurred within same-sex couples, including seven in male couples, according to the national study relating to violent deaths within the couple carried out by the Ministry of the Interior.

While there are no specific studies in France on domestic violence in same-sex couples, in the United States, a study entitled "National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey" and carried out in 2010, reveals that 35 % of heterosexual women have experienced violence from their partner, compared to 43.8% of lesbians.

On the men's side, they are 29% among heterosexuals and 26% among gays.

Relatively close numbers.

A sense of illegitimacy

Homosexual people have themselves internalized domestic violence as the act of a man on a woman, yet it is difficult for the victims in same-sex couples to feel legitimate.

"The media discourse only speaks of violence by men on women, so some victims of homosexual couples do not recognize themselves in this definition, they do not feel legitimate and do not consider themselves victims", explains Johan Cavirot, the president of the association FLAG!, created by police officers and LGBT justice officials.

In this context, it is not always easy to push the door of a police station to file a complaint, according to Ralph Souchet, the vice-president of GAGL45, the gay and lesbian action group of Loiret: "It is already hard to talk about domestic violence, to file a complaint, but when in addition, you are part of a minority, it is even more so”.

For lawyer Me Anne-Sophie Laguens, who defends LGBT people, the police themselves are not sufficiently trained in the reception of victims, in particular LGBT people: "Already that the care of heterosexual victims of violence marriage, it is not always easy, for homosexual people, we are still far from it, ”she believes, noting nevertheless the progress made by the forces in recent years, in particular thanks to the FLAG association!

which has been training police and gendarmes on LGBT themes since 2020. “We have to take an interest in it.

Regardless of the orientation, domestic violence always falls under criminal law, it must be revealed and condemned”.

Invisible violence

If violence exists among heterosexual couples as well as among homosexual couples, psychological violence is more present among the latter, notes Ralph Souchet, evoking in some cases contempt, humiliation, harassment, psychological influence or even dominance.

But for the vice-president of GAGL45, there are two particularly recurrent forms of blackmail in same-sex couples: "That of outing, that is to say revealing the homosexuality of one's partner to one's friends, family or his professional environment, and that of serology, proven or not”.

“It is the difference with a woman victim of domestic violence on the part of her husband.

If she talks about it, she will not be rejected by those around her, she will be supported.

A homosexual person, she,

Especially since this psychological violence is invisible to the naked eye, a feature that further increases the omerta for homosexual victims.

“When we talk about domestic violence, we imagine a woman with a cockade.

But psychological violence, they are not visible, they are sneaky.

The victim does not always realize this, just like people outside.

She can stay between four walls, ”warns the policeman.

And there are also differences between gay couples and lesbian couples.

“There is more physical violence among male couples than among female couples.

Conversely, there is a little more psychological violence in lesbian couples, women being less socialized to violence”, deciphers Magali Mazuy, researcher at the National Institute for Demographic Studies (INED).

“The dynamics of intimate partner violence are based on inequalities.

Among male couples, there is a greater than average age difference, which goes hand in hand with a stronger economic situation.

If there is a hold, it will often be domination, humiliation or contempt, for example,” continues the researcher.

Extra pressure

For victims of domestic violence within a same-sex couple, it is often the double penalty.

“For gay couples, they wonder how this violence, usually associated with heterosexual men, can be replayed in their couple.

For lesbian couples, they say to themselves that their spouse, who is supposed to be their ally against the class of men, cannot also be violent, ”analyzes Magali Mazuy.

"We think that people of the same sex identify themselves, so there can't be any violence," adds Ralph Souchet.

For homosexual victims, there is no shortage of reasons to be silent, between the fear of "outing", the fear of not being believed, of being judged and even of relaunching the debate on marriage for all: "There there is additional pressure for these victims.

We managed to have this right, we took it to our heads, we had to show that we were as good as heterosexual couples, so at the slightest hiccup, there is panic on board, ”explains Ralph Souchet.

But he is hopeful that speech will be released.

"There is obviously an omerta, we have already taken a long time to talk about domestic violence in heterosexual couples, this is not yet the case for homosexual couples, but it will come", estimates the vice-president of the 'association.

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  • Justice

  • Company

  • Domestic violence

  • Sexual violence

  • Homosexuality

  • Homosexual

  • Complaint

  • LGBT movement