Sweetheart stories: bikini stripes on the face

Not that we were surprised.

Here's a lot we've learned in the years we've spent reading tabloids: no event in this world is too tragic for the irreverent tabloids to twist some silly celebrity headline out of it.

It is nevertheless remarkable, the unscrupulousness with which the

constructs its cover story: "She fears for her children - Steffi Graf - shots and screams".

Jorg Thomann

Editor in the “Life” section of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sunday newspaper.

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As feared, the starting point is the shooting in Uvalde, Texas, in which 19 elementary school children and two teachers were killed.

What does that have to do with Steffi Graf?

Well, she lives in Las Vegas with her family, "in the middle of this dangerous country where any insane person can buy a gun."

Well, Las Vegas is a long way from Texas, Graf's children have long since grown up, but "in the vicinity of Steffi's son Jaden Gil (20)'s school", it should be correct: his former school, "police officers" had to "have a criminal" at some point shoot down,” claims

.

"People are getting crazier!" And you can confidently subscribe to this sentence, this only sentence from the whole story: At the

they are actually getting crazier.

Furious

Also quite adventurous is a headline in the

, which of course weakens in the implementation: "The dispute escalates - Harry (37) & William (39) - police operation in the palace," it says there about the fraternal dispute, which at some point "rattled", whereupon employees dialed "the emergency number for the security service in the castle".

Since

should already decide: police or security service?

Whoever arrived found "the distraught prince brothers William and Harry, still infuriated, unwilling to approach each other."

Don't we understand: if they didn't approach each other at all, then there was no danger at all.

TV presenter Annika Lau, who now holds the position of Editor at Large at

, praises the princes' grandmother because "the older she gets, the better she gets somehow," she writes.

"She will probably never abdicate and give Charles the scepter," because "she knows how good her familiar face is for people."

With that, Charles' hope of being crowned at some point should be gone.

However, Lau will have to wish that her unfamiliar face would also do the

readers good.

Outside topless

On the

special page "Summer, Sun, Sunburn", the photo of the singer Prince Damien, whose bikini stripe sits in the middle of his face, is the most irritating: A white zone can be seen on his reddened face where a mouth and nose protector used to be sat.

Will this be the hallmark of those who are particularly cautious in the summer?

Not even Professor Lauterbach would deny that you can walk around topless outside.

Luna Schweiger has caught another prince: according to the

, she had "her first public love appearance with fifth division footballer and adoptive prince Kevin von Anhalt".

Nothing against this certainly delightful gentleman, but the combination "fifth division soccer player and adoptive prince" sounds just as intoxicating as "fairground boxer and marriage swindler".

But father Til appreciates the boy, and according to Luna, the young couple "raised eight puppies together for twelve weeks - that totally welded us together".

So it could also be a good test for other couples, but where do you get all the puppies from?

Gloria-Sophie Burkandt is also the daughter of a famous father, namely Markus Söder.

knows

that she now wants to "take off as a model" and therefore "be politically neutral".

The consequence: "I left the Junge Union." That's certainly not wrong, we have bad memories of the countless political manifestos of many supermodels.

Perhaps Burkandt also fears that as a model with a CSU odor, he will only be allowed on the catwalks with beer mugs.

She would be welcome with Ed Sheeran, because the singer has built a residential complex in his home village, which, in addition to its own chapel and crypt, also includes a pub that is connected to Sheeran's house: "There is an underground one under my Lancaster Lock Pub Tunnel that can be shut down," Sheeran said, according to

.

Hopefully he can still find the tunnel when he's sealed himself.

We're now wondering if Sheeran's estate is always staffed by employees who are called to the pub whenever the boss wants something social.

We wouldn't find that unattractive as a job description.

Mirja du Mont has given up her old job and left Unter uns.

"I'm taking so many people with me who have grown dear to me," she told the

.

That's bad for the fans of "Unter Uns": If you take Mont with them all, there's no one left who can still play in the series.