China News Service Client, Beijing, May 10 (Reporter Shangguan Yun) "Every day I live in a hustle and bustle, but I am extremely lonely." This sentence was used by some people to ridicule their "unfitness", which vividly illustrates their inner distress .
Recently, "is it really that important to be gregarious?" has become a hot topic on the Internet.
Some people feel that it is not important and there is no need to cater to everyone; others feel that in life, you must be gregarious, otherwise you may be isolated.
In life, many people may have such questions: Is it necessary to "pseudo gregarious" or "blind gregarious"?
"Fear of being isolated and trying to fit in"
In the workplace and life, let's not talk about whether it is "blind", "being gregarious" may be a problem that many people will encounter.
Image source: Screenshot of "Female Psychologist" video
In the earlier hit drama "Female Psychologist", a story was told: "Old Man" Xiao Mo is a bit of a flattering personality, and someone found a reason to ask him to help make a slideshow.
Xiao Mo has already got off work. After weighing it, he finally replied "OK".
He wanted to fit into the company's coterie, but would still be ostracized, appear very alien, and his colleagues wouldn't take him when they went out to sing.
In reality, there are similar examples.
When Xiaoyue worked in a company and was a "newcomer" in the workplace, she noticed the problem of "grouping", "I will consciously participate in the activities of my colleagues, and even if I am not interested, I will perfunctory."
As for the reason, her answer is simple and clear, "I'm afraid of being isolated. It's okay in life, but if you can't get along in the workplace, many good things may not happen to you. Pretending to be gregarious is an essential skill for adults."
Find a sense of belonging
Regarding the issue of "grouping", Song Guangwen, a psychology professor at Nanguo Business School of Guangdong University of Foreign Studies, said that as a social animal, it is almost impossible for people to live and live alone in real life.
He introduced that according to Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs Theory", human needs from low to high are physiological needs, safety needs, belonging needs, esteem needs and self-actualization needs.
Therefore, human beings have the need to belong and love. As an individual, they often summarize themselves into a certain group.
Especially when living in a "human society", it is almost a subconscious self-requirement of people to be "fit in groups".
"Getting in" seems to be especially important when you're out and about.
Whether it is a classmate, a friend, or a colleague, if a person is in these small circles and has a close relationship with others, it is easy to bring more security to oneself invisibly.
Image source: Screenshot of netizen Weibo
The social life in a certain circle brings people more spiritual satisfaction than that.
For example, having a group of close friends can share happiness, talk about pain, and play a role in regulating emotions to some extent.
In other words, everyone's pursuit of being gregarious and willing to be gregarious is a need for survival and a need for development.
Is "blind gregariousness" necessary?
However, there is no need to "blindly gregarious" in life, and there is no need to aggrieve yourself for "ineffective gregariousness".
Song Guangwen analyzed that many gregarious people, whether out of instinct or social needs, more or less have some purpose: either it is helpful for work, or it is effective in resolving loneliness.
He believes that the more mature you are, the more you understand what a true friend is like.
The so-called “community” that makes people feel comfortable is to find a circle that is consistent with their own three views, has similar interests, and is conducive to their own development.
There is also a view that when "blindly gregarious", a person may not feel relaxed, it is better to try to eliminate the pressure caused by the outside world and live more freely.
Therefore, it is unnecessary to blindly "fit in groups", and low-quality "fit in groups" will bring trouble to oneself, and even struggle to cope.
Does "loneliness" have to be scary?
The establishment of relationships between people is often divided into different levels.
Image source: Weibo screenshot
Some are at odds with each other, some are at odds with each other, and some can be honest with each other.
Whether the relationship is close or not is affected by many factors such as three views, character, personality and so on.
"Psychologically speaking, loneliness and loneliness are not the same concept. Simply put, loneliness refers to the psychological feeling of not being accepted and unable to effectively accept others." Song Guangwen said.
Some people are naturally fond of being alone, willing to live alone, and not much interaction with neighbors and classmates.
It seems that he is alone, but this kind of life may be very comfortable for him, and he may not feel lonely.
In other words, if the "non-gregarious" in the eyes of ordinary people does not cause any bad effects in life and psychology, then a person can completely choose the amount and degree of "gregarious", and there is no need to force himself to fit into someone whose interests and hobbies do not match. circle.
"It's good or bad to be gregarious, you need to look at the problem dialectically." Song Guangwen suggested that if you feel that you are "not gregarious", you can actively explore areas of interest, or maintain close contact with your family, etc., and learn to be self-consistent appropriately.
(At the request of the interviewee, Xiaoyue is a pseudonym) (End)