The "post-90s" began to worry about their parents getting old . The
reporter investigated the only-child exchange group: the "retirement anxiety" of more than 70,000 only-children and the countermeasures
According to the seventh national census data, as of November 1, 2020, the population of China over the age of 65 was 190 million, accounting for 13.5% of the total population.
According to international standards, when the proportion of the population over the age of 65 in a country or region reaches 7%, it will enter an aging society, and if the proportion reaches 14%, it will be a deeply aging society.
As the first batch of "post-80s" in my country gradually entered the age of no confusion, the parents of the first generation of only-children gradually entered the ranks of the middle- and young-aged elderly in their 60s and 70s. The pension problems facing these only-child families gradually become prominent.
On the social platform Douban, there is a group called "One-Child Parent Pension Exchange Organization". Since the group was established in November 2019, this Douban group has gathered nearly 80,000 only-children, and they work together in this world. Share the "anxiety of old age" and care experience that each other is facing or will face.
Most of the members of this group are "post-90s", but also "post-80s" and even "post-00s", including entrepreneurs, civil servants, international students and other groups; some of them have a bad relationship with their parents, while others From divorced or single-parent families; some are facing the heavy responsibility of caring for Alzheimer's disease patients or cancer patients at home; some have reached a consensus with their parents to "live in nursing homes" in the long-term exploration... More than 70,000 Only-children have different “retirement anxiety”.
Recently, the reporter interviewed several representative young people.
Text / All-media reporter Cheng Yilun of Guangzhou Daily
Photo/Chen Youzi and Cheng Yilun, all media reporters of Guangzhou Daily (except for signatures)
Their burden is not small:
"Most afraid of parents getting seriously ill"
"The only children of the 1980s and 1990s have finally come to support their parents. More and more families are separated from each other, and there is little time for reunion in a year. The self-realization of children and the quality of life of parents are a dilemma. Even if two generations are in the same city, disease can be a heavy burden of money and energy.”
The above is a brief introduction of the Douban Group's "One-Child Parent Pension Exchange Organization".
In this group, it is divided into four columns. In addition to "knowledge popular science", "happy bits" and "little emotions", the hottest discussion is the "help" column——
How much savings do I need to protect my parents from getting sick?
I am a divorced single mother, my child is only one year old, and my father cannot take care of himself, what should I do?
My parents are in Guangzhou, my father has bowel cancer, the landlord is an only daughter, 37 years old, single and unmarried, how can I take care of the elderly?
How can I buy cancer insurance for my diabetic father?
...
Every piece of help describes the anxiety and helplessness of an only child when his parents are seriously ill.
The founder of the group is named Lu Sara. She is also a "post-90s" only child. Lu Sara's grandfather suffers from Alzheimer's disease, and her grandfather has a stroke and needs long-term care. She looks at her parents Together with their brothers and sisters, they are caring for the elderly on both sides, and they are still incapable of being separated. They can't help but start to worry about how they will take care of their parents in the future as an only child, especially when they are away from home.
The netizen "Deep Sea Fish" calculated an account. As a mother of a 2-year-old child, she and her husband have to bear the monthly mortgage and property costs of a total of 5,900 yuan each month, and the car loan and oil costs are about 5,000 yuan. The child's milk powder, diapers, complementary food, etc. are about 2,000 yuan, and the daily living expenses are 4,000 yuan... This means that the family has to spend at least 16,900 yuan a month.
"Once our parents are seriously ill, based on the monthly income of 10,000 yuan for both of us, we can't imagine it." Even if the parents are sent to the nursing home, the charges of the nursing home will vary depending on the situation of the elderly. There are differences. Even if an elderly person charges 3,000 yuan a month, it will be a lot of expenses for children.
In her opinion, a parent's serious illness is like the "last straw" that crushes a one-child family.
Netizen Piao Piao showed reporters the bill for her 78-year-old mother-in-law who was admitted to the ICU due to renal failure in 2019: From August 1 to August 7, 2019, 117,902 yuan had been used.
"This is still without tracheal incision and invasive ventilator, only hemofiltration and other monitors are used. In the end, I spent 30 days in the ICU and spent at least 200,000 yuan. And this is still on the premise that my mother-in-law has medical insurance reimbursement. In addition to the cost of the elderly living in the ICU, the only child also has to face the cost of hiring a nurse: "At that time, in order to condition the mother-in-law's body, after the mother-in-law came out of the ICU, I immediately contacted another hospital, and the nursing fee was 220 yuan/day. , we were busy with work again, and in the end, it took two whole months to adjust, and it cost about 13,200 yuan."
"In the end, the issue of old-age care is about money." Piao Piao told reporters: "Once you enter the ICU, there is basically no upper limit to spending money." As a "post-80s", she is also quite impressed with the consumption concept of "post-90s" Anxiety: "If I say I regret the most, I may still feel that I didn't buy sufficient commercial insurance for my family at that time. Now I have noticed that many young people in big cities are already 30 years old, and they are still habitually being 'moonlight people'. The lack of awareness of saving is very disturbing. Maybe their parents do not have health problems now, and once there is a problem, they will find that their ability to resist risks is very low. Therefore, people like Huimin Insurance, Medical Insurance, Anti-Cancer Insurance, etc., These can be considered as a supplement to endowment insurance as soon as possible, and only when children develop the habit of insurance wealth management and fixed deposits as soon as possible, will they not fall into a state of passive panic in the future.”
They choose to go home:
"My mother had breast cancer and hid it from me for two years"
Even the only child who does not have the financial burden of the family is also faced with the anxiety of supporting their parents.
In the exchange group, a netizen named Xiaohua conducted a local survey. Among more than 50 samples, 61.82% of the only children and their parents did not live in the same city, and 62% of the children and their parents could only live in the same city for one year. Meet 1-2 times.
The anxiety and pressure faced by these only children mainly include: worry that their parents will be unable to cope with physical problems when they are old, worry that they will not be by their side in an emergency, worry that their parents will be deceived, disagree with their parents and refuse to listen to each other, worry Parents have no financial resources, etc.
Therefore, as an only child, you often need to learn "time management" well: you must not only be able to deal with your own work and life chores, but also take vacations and time to share and take care of your parents when they are sick; Education issues, but also need to take care of the daily life of parents.
Because of this, most of the only children hope to live with their parents in their own city when their parents are old.
However, due to the cost of living in big cities, the number of only children who choose to give up their jobs in first-tier cities and go home has also begun to increase.
In the eyes of many peers, Ziyu, a 30-year-old girl from Wuhan who has just started working abroad, seems to have an exceptionally smooth life: her parents are in business, about 55 years old, with an optimistic and optimistic personality, and in good health.
Every time we talk about the topic of old age, my parents will tell Ziyu to "fly as far as you want, don't worry about us".
So after graduating from high school at the age of 18, Ziyu went abroad to study alone, from undergraduate to doctorate.
Zi Yu believes that the connection between himself and his parents is still close: two or three video calls a week, and seeing his parents' smiles, Zi Yu feels at ease.
The year before last, Dr. Zi Yu graduated. Between choosing to return to China and staying abroad to work, she chose the latter: "I also discussed with my parents at that time, but they always said 'don't worry about us, we haven't retired yet, you just Take charge of your own life'. So in the end I chose to stay first."
Love, work, life... If you follow the normal rhythm of life, Ziyu may not have the slightest idea of returning to China for development.
Until last year, Zi Yu accidentally learned that her mother was diagnosed with "early breast cancer" during a video chat with her mother.
"At that time, my mother always lied to me that it was a misdiagnosis, saying that she just had a breast nodule and could be cured by a surgery. I saw that her mental state was quite good, so I believed it." Zi Yu recalled, "If at that time, I know this is a lie from her, and I will definitely buy a plane ticket to go back immediately."
During that time, Ziyu was busy defending her doctorate and looking for a job after graduation. Her mother could only quietly participate in chemotherapy accompanied by her sister-in-law, and even told her family not to tell Ziyu, saying, "I'm worried about affecting her." future".
"I don't know how she came here during that time. It wasn't until I chatted with my cousin two years later that I accidentally learned that her mother had been accompanying my mother during that time; it turned out that my mother was not misdiagnosed. Instead, I kept hiding it; it turned out that I was the only person in the whole family who didn't know that my mother had cancer... My whole brain was dazed at that time." Zi Yu said.
After experiencing the new crown epidemic and experiencing his mother's "concealment of illness", Zi Yu now feels more and more valuable to be with his family: "I think clearly, before starting a family, I plan to deal with my overseas work properly. Returning to China. Maybe my parents won’t have material difficulties in retirement, but just thinking that I might miss their old age will make me regret it for the rest of my life.”
Netizen Bach, who is also an only child, also chose to "go home" recently.
Bach's father is in the advanced stage of brain cancer. Due to the epidemic prevention and control, the hospital only allows one family member to accompany her. Her mother takes on the role of nursing, taking care of her husband day and night for injections, sputum suction, nursing, etc.
The city where Bach works is about 200 kilometers away from home, but due to the impact of the epidemic, she spends a lot of energy and time every time she goes home, so a few days ago, after considering various factors, she finally decided to sell the city where she works. The house, broke up with her boyfriend who had been in love with her for many years, and returned to work in the city where her parents lived: "Because I suddenly understood that my parents love me wholeheartedly. In the past, whenever I traveled to and from the two cities, my boyfriend did not take the initiative to accompany me. I know that maybe he is not obliged to integrate into my family so quickly. But my parents always give me the best within their ability. Faced with the current anxiety about retirement, I think the only way to repay them is to be good accompany them."
Crossing the Spiritual "Gap":
"I started an online nursing home"
For the only child, even if the distance problem is solved, there are still spiritual problems of the two generations before them, such as the "gap" in the way of communication.
In the "One-Child Parent Pension Exchange Organization" group, the reporter found all kinds of "old urchin" stories that make people laugh and cry: Dad is addicted to making short videos, loves interaction, and in order to make him happy, I secretly spend money to help him videos "Top trending"; my mother is addicted to group shopping, and her daily hobby is "scratching wool" on her mobile phone, but when she buys it back home, she finds that some items don't even have a brand; what's more, she tells her mother's love for The child's desire for control is too strong, or often "crying poor", and it feels very painful to communicate; the father has only five teeth left, how to persuade him to brush his teeth seriously...
"The biggest problem between children and parents of this generation is not the problem of material support, but the problem of spiritual communication." Hu Chen, who is engaged in the elderly care industry, said, "Today's elderly people need more than material things. Satisfaction, they also need more attention to their individuals, they often need a platform to show themselves and enrich their spiritual life." To this end, Hu Chen, who is only 30 years old this year, opened an "online nursing home", which is to provide services for the elderly. The elderly in the choir, the elderly dance team, etc. connect with the stage resources, the resources for home-based aging transformation, and the resources of the nursing home, etc., to drive the real needs with the spiritual needs, and realize the "spiritual pension" of the elderly.
From Suzhou to Nanjing, there are currently more than 50,000 elderly people in Hu Chen's "online nursing home".
After coming into contact with so many elderly groups, Hu Chen also had some experience in communicating with the elderly.
"Parents living in first-tier cities today basically don't live with their children. In their opinion, they just feel that they can't rely on their children. On the one hand, children who have just entered their 30s often have limited income, and secondly, young people are busy with work. And parenting, how can I have time to take care of the elderly.” Hu Chen’s parents are from Hubei, both 55 years old this year. It is precisely with this mentality of “not relying on children” that they are often more stubborn.
"Parents, like children, need to be nurtured and communicated," Hu Chen said.
In order to solve the problem of parents' pension, Hu Chen began to "train parents" very early.
Hu Chen's father was engaged in the cultural industry when he was young, so he is very experienced in stage activities for the elderly. Hu Chen simply asked his father to act as his "senior advisor".
When fathers learn to look at problems from the perspective of their children, they will naturally become more "reasonable".
There is also a netizen Li Li who is also using the Internet to "tame" his parents.
"You must be deeply aware that no matter how your parents were educated when you were young, when you get old, you will be afraid of being weak and lonely, so you will be easily cheated, such as buying so-called health supplements; you will also become very stubborn. , began to not listen to the persuasion of their children... So when they are only 50 years old and are just 'young old people', we must start 'training' them."
Li Li shared her experience with reporters: she will act as a "part-time secretary" for her parents in various elderly groups, helping her parents screen various activities and information; she will often send her parents some community news or anti-fraud videos to let them They understand how the scam happens; she will teach her parents to pay attention to regular medical and health public accounts such as "Dr. Clove", and tell them to learn correct health knowledge; more importantly, she will re-establish her image in the hearts of her parents , told parents that they must discuss things with themselves.
"Parents always think we are children, and many times they retain the dignity of being a parent, but only when you are mature enough, patient enough, and attentive enough, they will be more likely to accept your opinion." Li Li said , "In the end, the most practical thing to ease the anxiety of caring for your parents is to do something practical from now on, and give them more care and supervision."
Parents returning to work:
'They're afraid to be a burden to me'
In the nearly two or three thousand posts of this one-child exchange group, there is another group that is easily overlooked: the only child in rural areas.
According to a study by the Population and Development Research Center of Renmin University of China, the number of only-children in rural China in 2000 was between 33 million and 43 million. Now as their parents age and rural only-children enter the workforce, the number of only children in front of them will also be There will be more challenges, the biggest of which is: parents do not have pensions, and rural social security is the only guarantee. What will they do with their pensions in the future?
"From the perspective of our children, of course, we hope that we will work harder to make our parents have no financial concerns, but in fact, this does not give parents a sense of security." Keiko said.
Keiko, who is 28 years old this year, did not start worrying about the issue of parental care until her parents crossed the age threshold of 50 in the past two years. In contrast, Keiko's parents are more anxious than her.
Keiko's mother suffered from lumbar spondylosis and rheumatism. She had quit her job in the early years, but she has re-entered the workplace in recent years, helping the factory as odd jobs.
Although the daily income is two or three hundred yuan, but the mother has to live in a noisy environment and needs to stand for a long time.
"Later I said that I could give her a few thousand yuan a month to let her not work and take good care of her body is the biggest 'burden reduction' for her children, but she made an excuse to say that she couldn't relax. In fact, I knew in my heart that she was so The reason for the effort is the fear that the future will be a burden on me."
Xiaobing's mother also chose to return to the workplace this year.
The 56-year-old Auntie Lin used to be an office clerk when she was young. After retirement, she chose to live in a first-tier city where her daughter Xiaobing lives for a short time, "but she felt that she could not adapt to the local life after living for a long time, so she began to think about it by herself. Looking at job recruitment information on the Internet, I asked three or four units within a day. Maybe in her opinion, how much money you earn is not important, but it is a little bit if you can help your children share a little more." It is precisely because of this that she brought her mother to the city. Instead, Xiaobing in Li began to waver: whether to "release" her mother back to her hometown where the rhythm is leisurely and relaxed is the best "filial piety" to her.
"In the past, the concept of old-age care was that 'parents are not far away', but now we are all working outside, and the elderly always say that moving with them is 'enjoyment', but who really knows, this choice is a kind of freedom for them Still helpless." Xiaobing said.
Representatives of the National People's Congress:
It is recommended to encourage the establishment of nursing homes for only-child parents
In the "Notice of the State Council on Printing and Distributing the "14th Five-Year Plan" National Aging Development and Elderly Service System Planning" (hereinafter referred to as the "Notice") published by the Chinese government website in mid-to-late February this year, in order to implement the national strategy to actively respond to population aging , promote the coordinated development of the cause of the elderly and the industry, build and improve a comprehensive, inclusive and diversified elderly care service system, and continuously meet the growing needs of the elderly for multi-level, high-quality healthy elderly care.
It is understood that the "Notice" proposes to improve the basic old-age insurance and basic medical insurance systems, implement a gradual extension of the statutory retirement age, implement a reasonable adjustment mechanism for basic pensions, adjust the basic pension standards for urban and rural residents in a timely manner, and improve basic medical insurance policies, etc. series of measures.
In order to solve the problems of shrinking family pension functions and shortage of community pension and institutional pension services, many industry experts have also put forward suggestions.
Jiang Houquan, deputy to the Guangzhou Municipal People's Congress and chief engineer of the South China Botanical Garden of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, once suggested that a "time bank" could be piloted, that is, the time spent by volunteers to provide public services for the elderly is counted into the "time bank". Service providers provide services for more than three months or After accumulating a certain amount of time, you can "exchange" the corresponding "time currency", either for the services you need when you are old, or for services enjoyed by your immediate family after being reviewed and approved by the management.
"This is similar to insurance to a certain extent. It can encourage the public to help others when they can, serve today and enjoy tomorrow." Jiang Houquan said.
At this year's National People's Congress, Chen Xueping, deputy to the National People's Congress, suggested providing pension subsidies for elderly parents of only children, and encouraged the establishment of nursing homes for parents of only children. , and allow only-child parents who have reached the retirement age to live and work in other places, and enjoy the same treatment as local residents; with the financial support of the government, appropriately increase the pension insurance for the elderly parents of only-child in rural areas; The only-child parents who have passed the social insurance can make up the endowment insurance, and they can also receive the endowment insurance when they reach the retirement age.
Text / All-media reporter Cheng Yilun of Guangzhou Daily