How to accept failure and make the most of even the worst of them

When I'm about to write an article about 'embracing failure', I go into my email and the first thing I read is a press release from a fashion company that begins: "Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid of the failure, failure is just another step to greatness."

Oprah Winfrey

It is not that we have never read the phrase in question (there are more famous quotes from Oprah than grains of rice in Villarriba and Villabajo paellas), but it reminds me of something very interesting: the very different concept that Spaniards and Americans have of

.

In fact, one of the few reports that I have not managed to get ahead in my life (and I have been in the profession for more than 30 years) was one on how to overcome failure in business.

No one wanted to tell me what he had failed at (it seems that in this country only success is achieved).

In the end, what was a real failure was my report...

IF YOU DON'T FAIL... YOU ARE SUSPECT

However, the

works differently.

An entrepreneur who has not suffered at least one

in his life may be

.

Failure is conceived as a challenge that life puts before you so that you can show everything you are capable of.

That is why the corporate 'mythology' is full of stories of

before breaking with corduroy, from

who was fired from a newspaper for lack of imagination and ideas, to

herself , fired when she worked as a reporter on television, early in his career, because he wasn't the type.

And that's not to mention

who wasn't even admitted to the film school at the University of Southern California.

Or

who after spending her life without any boss assessing the quality of her work as a salesperson, decided to send everything to hell and write a book to help other women not to have the same thing happen to her .

When she reread it, she realized that she had made a real business plan and set up a million dollar company.

In her book 'Workbook to overcome a failure', the psychotherapist

asks: "A life without failures, without rupture, is it even possible?".

And it is answered: "No. Any

needs a

All

implies breaking with

Every day is made of choices, of

What if we thought about failures and ruptures from another angle? What if They had a heuristic value? We could look at them as a

, as if they were teachers for our life".

Okay, we're not all made of the same stuff.

But there is a great truth in that saying that

Being able to close the door where failure remains behind you and look at what is in front of you is the key to getting out of the vicious circle that leads us to one failure after another, as a self-

BREAK WITH THE IDEA THAT THINGS HAPPEN 'FOR' SOMETHING

For failure to 'rent' us, it is mandatory, above all, a

If we think that things happen 'for a reason', we are supporting the

that something happens to us that we

, and that almost 'magical' conception of existence is not exactly the safest way to move forward, since on the one hand it keeps us

and, on the other hand ,

that more things will happen to us in the future... because "we deserve them" (how much damage has the trivialization of karma done, my goodness...).

However, if we think that

all that load of negativity is minimized.

This is not to say that we don't feel pain from failure (it hurts all of us to fail).

But in this way we give a

to what happened that can help us

The

if an engineer hadn't invented a glue that was horrible to stick... but enough to keep a piece of paper stuck to a surface.

SEVEN STEPS TO HANDLING FAILURE WELL

For the American psychologist

these would be some of the guidelines to follow in order to best deal with any type of failure.

Listen and understand you.

The feeling of failure is complex.

It can include anger, sorrow, guilt, envy... Sitting down to analyze it, putting a name to all that emotional whirlwind is the first step to get out of it.

Accept what happened.

Denying failure or hiding it from yourself can paradoxically leave you stuck in it.

It is useful to write what happened, or tell someone you trust, in the most objective way possible.

This will allow you to identify your fears and also describe the situation in which that failure leaves you for the future.

Identify negative thought patterns.

We tend to set ourselves

so as not to get out of the bad mood.

For example, you can find yourself thinking "I'm a failure", "it's my fault", "I do everything wrong".

When these ideas appear in your mind,

You are not a disaster, since there are things that you are really good at, better than others.

You are not a failure because a failure would never try to profit from their failure.

It's not about guilt, but about responsibility, accept yours so you can move on...

Turn your negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

Boswell gives this example: "Instead of saying 'I failed to find a job,' say 'I haven't found a job yet.'

Dare to investigate the causes of your failure.

We must put aside the typical thought "I am innocent, the fault lies with others", because most of the time it is a lie.

The question now is whether you really want to correct those mistakes or give up and take a different path.

For example, if you have failed in living with three partners consecutively, maybe living together is not your thing?

Perhaps the type of person with whom you usually pair up is not the ideal one for coexistence?

Chances are it's time to

and see what happens, rather than keep bumping into the same wall over and over again.

Set realistic goals.

for ourselves ,

which inexorably leads us to frustration.

"I always fail in my slimming diet", for example.

For this reason, experts always recommend setting smaller goals, whose results we can see closer in time and with greater clarity.

Objective in which it is more difficult to fail.

Lastly, use this

.

Look into your past for

that led to positive situations or achievements.

For example: "Thanks to the fact that I was fired from this company I found my true vocation";

"thanks to the fact that I broke up with so-and-so I was able to do the master's degree that I wanted"... Looking at the opportunities to improve that arose after previous failures helps us to 'predict' that our last failure will also bring us something positive.

So that, in effect, it is "just another step towards greatness."

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