Maybe on Valentine's Day, your significant other will not have planned a surprise, candle-lit restaurant, but will spend an entire dinner watching you, listening to you without being interrupted by a notification or an SMS on their portable ?
“20 Minutes” questioned its Internet users and Magali Briane, psychiatrist and addictologist, on a very common contemporary couple problem: smartphone addiction.
Indeed, more than one in two French people criticize their partner for spending too much time on this small screen.
Our readers tell us about their dismay in the face of this new addiction... and their ways of escaping it.
“I dream of the days of our parents and our grandparents when the mobile phone did not exist, sighs Elise, 28 years old.
My companion can't even wash his hands without taking his eyes off his phone.
The smartphone, the couple's best enemy?
As we celebrate Valentine's Day this Monday, many of our Internet users recognize that the laptop is a source of conflict in their relationship.
Even a love killer.
A Bouygues survey from January 2021 shed light on this problematic trend: 62% of French people find that their other half spends too much time on their laptop.
“If we are each on our phone, we might as well do a roommate!
»
This little utensil takes a big place in our daily lives... and often monopolizes the attention of our other half.
“If when we get home we are each on our phone, we might as well make a roommate!
», tackles Elise.
“The excess cell phone bothers me when we haven't seen each other all day and my partner is on it for a long time in the evening.
Or when we go to see friends and of course when we are at the table, list Gaël, 22 years old.
Sometimes I want to confiscate it or throw it away.
Sometimes she doesn't listen to me when I talk to her because she's watching stuff on her phone.
“The cell phone is the extension of my wife's hand, even her prosthesis!, Mehdi, 31, is alarmed.
Notifications at the table give her temporary squints and in bed, she falls asleep by putting it next to my head, which has the gift of driving me crazy!
»
"The smartphone can become the enemy of the couple when the use is excessive, confirms Magali Briane, psychiatrist and addictologist.
There is a person or two moreover, who are less available.
But how do you define “excessive” use?
“It's not a question of duration, but of behavior, continues the one who is also a member of the Scientific College of the Ramsay Health Foundation.
In addiction, there is the fact of increasing the consumption of the product, but above all not being able to do without it even when it poses a problem.
»
“Our sex life took a big hit”
Anaïs, 25, has lived with her partner for six years and has always known him to be addicted to mobile phones.
“His addiction is so strong that he buys a phone approximately every 18 months or less.
One evening he had a car accident that cost him more than six months of stoppage, he began to realize that he was neglecting me because of the time spent on his phone.
It only lasted a while ... Our sex life has also taken quite a blow.
“An impact on the intimate life that several readers evoke.
“It has become hellish, my spouse always has something to do on the laptop, regrets Sylvain, 36.
It kills the libido.
Moreover, the Bouygues survey revealed that one in two couples consults their smartphone in bed, each on their own.
A phenomenon even more accentuated among young people: it is 75% among 18-34 year olds.
How do you try to detox?
Many aspire to find a life as a couple a little more passionate, but do not know how.
“My husband is H24 on his phone, he spends his time playing, looking for stuff, he always finds something to do, it's unbearable, complains Soraya, 28.
But hey, we live with it, we have no choice.
" Truly ?
If it is obvious that going without a smartphone today can put a spoke in the wheels on the professional side, establishing a few rules to live better together is not impossible.
“You have to talk about it, hear what it makes the other person live, advises Magali Briane, addictologist.
Try to put rules that suit both.
For example, not using the cell phone while at the table, cutting off notifications at certain times, deciding on moments of sharing and disconnection such as a cinema, a sport.
The idea is not to throw away the smartphone, but to regulate its use so that everyone gets something out of it.
“Why not choose a time slot together without a smartphone, then with it?
Or a drawer where you put your laptop down for a meal, a game, a movie?
“We have established some rules”
Some readers share their parades.
“From now on, when she picks up her phone during a movie, I put it on pause to make her understand that it bothers me and that I'm waiting for her to put her phone down to continue, explains Pierre, 19 years old.
It works quite well and she understands quite quickly.
»
Gaël, 22, also found solutions by talking to his girlfriend.
“We have sometimes agreed that I take her while she is working so that she is not distracted.
We have often argued on the subject but we each make a lot of effort on what the other blames us for, and we have established a few rules, in particular no telephone at the table, and not when watching a film.
But it sometimes happens that certain bad habits related to the telephone return, surely due to a different education concerning the use of screens.
»
Because the question of the smartphone is sometimes only the tip of the iceberg… “I have established rules, the laptop no longer enters the room or at the table, insists Mehdi.
I therefore put my finger on the fact that it may raise another concern… communication.
The one without package, the real one.
»
Society
Valentine's Day: “Even more in love than twenty years ago”… Since the health crisis, they have reconnected with their ex
Society
Valentine's Day: "The coronavirus has allowed couples to refocus on them"
* Poll&Roll study of 1,000 respondents aged 18-65 carried out for Bouygues in January 2021.
Addiction
smartphone
Couple
Portable
Society
Valentine's Day
0 comment
0 share
Share on Messenger
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Share on Flipboard
Share on Pinterest
Share on Linkedin
Send by Mail
To safeguard
A fault ?
To print