Is it natural for a wife to respond to her husband's request? "Sexual DV" hidden between husband and wife January 21 14:43
"My husband has been asking for sexual activity on a daily basis, even on busy mornings and when my child is at home."
I can't refuse because I'm in a bad mood.
So she says she has been patient for nearly 10 years.
However, it is said that it was just before divorcing her husband that she learned that such an act of her husband was DV = domestic violence.
What women received is called "sexual DV", and in Japan it is difficult for even the parties to recognize it as domestic violence.
We covered the current situation in Japan regarding "sexual DV".
(International Department Reporter Nobuko Matsuda)
Husband who keeps seeking sexual activity persistently
"I felt like sexual intercourse with my husband was a quota. If I didn't respond, I would always ask for it. I had no choice but to decline."
Yuri (40s, pseudonym), a woman living in eastern Japan, speaks like this.
In response to her husband's request for sexual activity without contraception, she became pregnant five times and chose to have an abortion.
Regardless of Yuri's feelings, she is asked every day, so she became very painful during sexual activity and sometimes went to a gynecological clinic.
It is said that her husband did not use contraception, but Yuri had a vague idea that she might not need to use contraception "because she is a married couple."
The one who put up with it ends earlier
My husband said that even if Yuri took a shower before going to work in the morning, she came into the bathroom and asked for sexual activity.
Even if there are children in the house, he sent them out to play and approached Yuri.
When Yuri complained, "I want you to stop," her husband was in a bad mood, and he said that he had been persistently asking until Yuri responded.
That's why Yuri began to think about spending that time, saying, "It's better to put up with it."
Is your husband's act DV?
Yuri is not without doubts about her husband's actions.
However, since I am a married couple, I can't help it.
It is said that there was such an idea.
Also, Yuri, who grew up in a single-parent family, wanted to raise her children in a family with parents.
I managed to keep my family without breaking up with my husband, and while working myself, I was almost alone in charge of housework and childcare.
However, because my husband repeatedly cheated, I never consulted with a support group five years ago.
And while talking, he was pointed out unexpectedly.
"The act that my husband is doing to Yuri becomes'sexual DV'"
The husband's act of being in a bad mood or not cooperating with contraception if he does not respond to the request for sexual activity is one of DV = domestic violence. It corresponds to "sexual DV".
Yuri:
"I didn't think that my husband's actions would be domestic violence. I was thinking that the couple would be like this. I realized at that time that I didn't have to put up with it just because I was a couple. I did. "
What is "sexual DV"?
What exactly is "sexual DV"?
When I looked it up, the Cabinet Office classified the forms of domestic violence into the following three categories.
・ Physical
・ Mental
・ Sexual
And "sexual things" are explained like this.
"I hate it but force sexual activity, force abortion, do not cooperate with contraception, etc. Even if you have sexual intercourse between a couple, you may be guilty of compulsory sexual intercourse under Article 177 of the Criminal Code (even if you are a couple). , Sexual intercourse using assault / intimidation is not allowed) "
In addition, the following actions are given as specific examples.
・ Show porn videos and magazines even though you don't want to see them ・
Force sexual activity even though you don't like it
・ Force abortion
・ Do not cooperate with contraception
"Sexual DV" lurking between couples
So how many women are suffering from "sexual DV"?
In the "Survey on Violence between Men and Women" published by the Cabinet Office in 2021, there was data that shows a part of it.
When I asked 1,400 women who had been married before about their spouse's experience of violence, the results were as follows.
・Physical violence 17.0%
・Psychological attack 14.6%
・Emotional stress 8.6%
・Sexual force 8.6%
However, some people have pointed out that there are more women suffering from "sexual DV" than these figures.
Kayomi Kurihara, the chairman of the Kanagawa Prefecture NPO "Women and Human Rights Support Center Step", which supports the rehabilitation of domestic violence perpetrators, says:
Kayomi Kurihara, Chairman of the Women's and Human Rights Support Center Step "About 90% of cases where you come to consult about domestic violence have some kind of'sexual
DV'. Often there is an idea that "it's natural" and "it can't be helped because it's a couple". "
After that, Mr. Kurihara asks the victims and perpetrators of domestic violence the following, and if even one item is true, he suspects "sexual DV" and is considering countermeasures.
□ Start having
sex when the other person is sleeping □ Force
sex □ Hurt or insult when having sex □
Rape with force or violence □ If
you do not accept sex, you will get cold or moody
□ I hate you
□ Do not cooperate with contraception
□
Say that you will cheat if you do not accept sex
* From the material of "Women and Human Rights Support Center Step"
Why can't I recognize it as DV?
Further interviews show that it is difficult for "sexual DV" to surface in Japan, because even couples are not aware that sexual activity without mutual agreement is sexual violence, and the social background of Japan is regarded as a problem. There was also an expert to do.
Chisato Kitanaka, co-representative of the National Women's Shelter Net, a national organization that supports domestic violence victims, said:
Chisato Kitanaka, Co-Representative of the National Women's Shelter Net
"The current situation is that the existence and seriousness of sexual violence between married couples is not understood."
According to Mr. Kitanaka, regarding sexual crimes, under the current Japanese law, it is necessary to prove that "assault or intimidation was used" in order to punish sexual acts as crimes, but it is "daily" between couples etc. Even if there is a "controlling relationship", there are often no obvious assaults or intimidation, and it is said that the current situation is that it is not possible to file a case.
In addition, in Japan, based on the "DV Prevention Law (Act on Prevention of Violence from Spouses and Protection of Victims, etc.)", there is a system called "Protection Order" in which the court orders the perpetrators to stay away from the victims. Yes, but the target is only physical violence, not sexual or mental violence.
(* As of January 2022, discussions are underway to revise the law.)
Therefore, in February 2021, the "National Women's Shelter Net" issued a statement about "sexual DV" and said "sexual DV". Recognizing the seriousness, the law states that it is subject to the "protection order" of the DV Prevention Law, and that "sexual DV" between couples and dating partners cannot be punished under the current sexual crime provisions. We are requesting amendments or punishment for all sexual acts without consent.
What is the status of "sexual DV" overseas?
Then, what is the situation overseas regarding "sexual DV"?
After investigating, it has become common in Europe and elsewhere to think that domestic violence includes not only physical violence but also sexual and mental violence.
Of these, the Council of Europe, which is formed by EU member states, adopted the "Istanbul Convention" in 2011 to prevent violence and domestic violence against women.
The treaty defines DV as not only physical but also sexual, psychological and economic violence.
It also requires that unsolicited sexual activity be subject to punishment as a sexual offense, and requires that it be applied to couples and dating partners.
Currently, 34 countries such as Germany and Austria have ratified the treaty, and 11 countries and organizations have signed it, and are proceeding with the development of domestic law for ratification.
(As of January 2022)
Outside of Europe, even in Taiwan, the criminal law clearly states that "sex crimes can be established even between spouses."
In addition, although it is said that there are not many cases where protection orders are actually issued, "sexual DV" is positioned as mental DV and is the subject of protection orders.
Yuri who started walking again
After divorcing her husband, Yuri, who was interviewed this time, wants to acquire a childcare worker qualification and support women and children who are suffering from domestic violence in the future as well as herself.
He also said that he would like to open a daycare center where parents can leave their children while they are consulting, so that they do not have to talk in front of their children when discussing domestic violence, including "sexual DV". ..
Yuri:
"I don't want to say" I don't like what I don't like "to people who have the same feelings as me, and I'm telling them that I don't have to put up with it and respond to requests just because I'm a married couple. I would like to come"
Social understanding of "sexual DV"
In this interview, I heard stories of people other than Yuri who were victims of "sexual DV", and said that they would respond to requests for sexual activity from their spouse or dating partner as "wives and women." Many women felt that they were obliged to do so.
How can women and men build an equal relationship?
What is needed to ensure that the perception that "sexual DV" is also a form of violence pervades society, and that victims speak up and the victims who speak up are protected?
I would like to continue to cover.
International Affairs Department Reporter
Nobuko Matsuda
Joined in 2008
After working at the Chiba Bureau, Nara Bureau, Sapporo Bureau, and Social Affairs Department
, interviewed mainly on gender and climate change issues.