Focus on

  how to be a parent after the "double reduction"

  stop throwing the problem of family education to the phone and time

  "I used to go home every day to help with homework and several extracurricular classes on weekends. Although it was very busy and tiring to take the children, the time flies quickly. Now, the only English extracurricular class left has been stopped. I really don’t know how many of them will be in the future. How did the time pass?" said Jiang Ting (pseudonym), a parent of a primary school student in Beijing.

  For a long time, the heavy academic burden of students has been a major "stubborn disease" in our country's compulsory education stage.

  On July 24 this year, the General Office of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China and the General Office of the State Council issued the "Opinions on Further Reducing the Burden of Compulsory Education Students' Homework and Off-campus Training", "This means that my country's education reform has entered a deep water zone." Beijing Normal University Bian Yufang, director of the University's Institute of Mental Health and Education and secretary-general of the Family Education Guidance Committee of the Ministry of Education, said this at a recent youth family education seminar hosted by China Youth Daily and Beijing Satellite TV.

  Since the implementation of the "double reduction" policy, changes have emerged: children go to school late, most of their homework is completed at school, and there is no need to go to extracurricular training classes on weekends.

So, what is the extra time for?

How should parents use this time?

How to be a parent after "double reduction"?

It has become a "must-answer question" before many parents.

  At the same time, the "Family Education Promotion Law of the People's Republic of China" has been promulgated and will be officially implemented from next year. The law: "Parents or other guardians should establish the sense of responsibility that the family is the first classroom and the parents are the first teachers, and bear the main responsibility for the implementation of family education for minors."

  As a result, the "family affair" of parents managing their children will become a "state affair" under the legal framework.

The importance of the quality of family education in the growth of children is becoming more and more obvious. Parents must assume their due responsibilities and can no longer be "hands-off shopkeepers."

  If it is said that the parents before the "double reduction" tried their best to "chicken baby" and "fight children", then after "raising a baby in accordance with the law", it is necessary to "fight" the parents.

  It's time for parents to make a change.

Change one: You can no longer give the phone to the phone

  What is the biggest problem in family education?

Many parents vote for mobile phones, and some parents even call mobile phones a "time bomb" at home. Many family conflicts arise from it.

  Not long ago, the Central Committee of the Communist Youth League and the China Internet Network Information Center (CNNIC) jointly issued the "Research Report on the Internet Usage of Minors in China in 2020."

The report shows that in 2020, my country's underage netizens will reach 183 million, with an Internet penetration rate of 94.9%, and more than one-third of elementary school students will start using the Internet before school age.

At the same time, mobile phones are the primary Internet access device for minor netizens.

  This is a sample survey of nearly 30,000 students in elementary, junior, high, and vocational schools across the country. Among them, there are post-00s and more post-05 and 10 students.

  Behind these data is that the Internet already exists as air for the children of the generation after 05 and 10. Unlike the previous generation, the bridge between them and the Internet has changed from a computer to a more convenient smart phone. .

  And when these abstract data are restored to real family life, pain and conflict will follow.

  "If you don't touch your phone, your son is an angel. As long as you get the phone, the'angel' will instantly become a'little devil'." said Hua Xin (a pseudonym), a parent of a junior high school student in Beijing.

  One night not long ago, Hua Hin got up to drink water and suddenly saw a faint light flashing in his son's room. Hua Hin was puzzled, so he gently walked into his son's room, and found nothing unusual, and his son closed. His eyes seemed to have fallen asleep.

  Before Hua Hin left, he planned to change the place where he placed the phone next to his son's pillow.

"As soon as I touched the phone, I found that the phone was hot, even a little hot." Hua Hin said.

  Just when Hua Hin hadn't realized what was going on, his son suddenly sat up, grabbed the phone from Hua Hin's hands, and opened his eyes.

  The sudden change shocked Hua Hin, and what shocked her even more was the indifferent look in her son's eyes.

  Just between grabs and grabs, the harmony between parent and child disappeared, and family conflicts escalated.

  Is the problem with the phone?

  When parents hated their mobile phones, Zhu Di, a researcher at the Institute of Sociology of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and deputy director of the Youth and Educational Society Research Office, told the parents: “There are risks in the Internet, and most people face Internet risks. The way young people deal with it is'ignore it'."

  The research of her team shows that if they share, the rate they tell their classmates is 16.24%, higher than the rate of 15.29% telling their parents.

It stands to reason that parents should be the people they trust most, especially when they are in danger.

But the fact is that when teenagers face cyber risks, they often choose to remain silent, or tell their peers and friends, and then the parents.

  Behind the mobile phone problem is that parents are losing their children's trust in the interaction and friction between parents and children, and this is the crux of frequent family conflicts.

  "Research shows that what young people do online is learning, including searching information, passing homework, etc., listening to music is second, and games, chatting, and short videos are next." Renmin University of China Lei Li, a professor and director of the Chinese Psychological Association, said that judging from this ranking, the problem is not as serious as the parents thought.

  A middle school student once said to a reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily: "My parents are looking for information at work with their mobile phones. Why do I play games as soon as I pick up the phone? The more they say this, the more I play."

  Yun Mei, secretary-general of the Beijing Family Education Research Association, pointed out that there is a kind of "experiential injury" in current family education, that is, parents always take their own growing experience in the past to demand current children.

  "We have entered the post-figurative era." Yun Mei said.

Parents can no longer use their original experience in family education, and must learn with their children.

Only in this way can we truly understand the child, and on this basis can we regain the original trust.

  Professor Lei Li pointed out that the current Internet has another meaning for the growth of young people.

  "Why do teenagers like the Internet, music, and games so much?" Lei Li said, every adolescent child has a mental development task that must be completed during growth, which is to solve the problem of self-identity: to figure out who I am and what other people do Look at me, what is my future?

The Internet just provides a platform and space for adolescent children to explore, and the cost of making mistakes on the Internet is relatively small.

For example, if a boy wears a skirt to go to school in the real world, he may be "community-dead", but on the Internet, he just needs to change it back.

  It is necessary to prevent young people from being addicted to the Internet, but they must never use "blocking" methods, let alone allow young people to access the Internet.

Change 2: No longer give time to shake the pot

  "There is a phenomenon of habitual outsourcing in the field of family education." Yun Mei said.

  In the past, when it comes to family education, many parents would say "no time" or "too busy at work", so they hand over the learning of knowledge to extracurricular training institutions, the learning of skills to professional coaches, and even The child’s nutrition enhancement was also "packaged" for takeaway.

  Is it a matter of time?

  Bian Yufang reminded everyone to pay attention to a phenomenon: At the beginning of last year, due to the needs of epidemic prevention and control, many children and their parents stayed at home. It stands to reason that the time parents spend with their children has increased, and family education can be better implemented. However, parent-child conflicts have increased significantly.

"This shows that it is not a matter of time. Some parents don't know how to arrange their children, and many parents don't know how to get along with their children." Bian Yufang said.

  A survey conducted by the China Youth Daily shows that 80.7% of the parents interviewed have a lot of confusion in family education, and 94.7% of the interviewed parents expect the Family Education Promotion Law to help them alleviate their anxiety about education.

  In fact, it is not that parents are incapable of setting up a "timetable" for their children, but that the content on the "timetable" is too single.

  There is such a typical family in the program "The Boy Who Opens His Heart" led by Deng Yaping, the Olympic champion and initiator of the Tencent Growth Guardian Communication Program.

  A 7-year-old girl is in the first grade of elementary school, and her academic performance is very good, but her mother sees that there are children around and will learn some extra content. She is worried that her daughter will be overtaken by others, so she looks for questions and gives her daughter extra homework every day. Describe the daily volume of questions "there are as many as two A4 papers on the front and back".

  Although such examples are extreme, they are not uncommon.

  "I once gave a lecture to a university teacher and mentioned that parents should spare 40% of their children's time. A university teacher immediately said,'That is absolutely impossible.'" Researcher at the Chinese Academy of Educational Sciences and Chinese Family Education Association Director and member of the expert committee Chu Zhaohui said, because this parent has already filled up all the children's time with study.

  "Our family education has become more knowledgeable, school-based, and skill-based," said Sun Yunxiao, a researcher at the China Youth Research Center and chief expert on family education.

  Family education and school education are completely different education. There is no outline and teaching materials for family education, and there are no endless exercises.

Family education actually has to go through a process of "de-schooling".

  What should family education be like?

  "Family education must be like this. Today, something happened at home and the child did not do well enough. At this time, the parent's education opportunity came; or something happened in the neighbor's house, which can also be an education opportunity for parents; the same , What happens in society is also an educational opportunity for parents." Bian Yufang said.

Family education should happen at any moment of the day, and it should happen at the dinner table.

  The China Youth Research Center conducts a survey on the development of Chinese children and children every five years.

According to a survey conducted by the center in 2015, nearly 60% of children eat dinner with their mothers 6-7 days a week, and more than 40% share with their fathers. Compared with 2010, there is a slight increase, but at the same time, there are also Nearly 20% of children eat dinner with their mother less than twice a week, and 30% of children eat dinner with their father less than twice a week.

  Many experts who participated in the youth family education seminar pointed out that family education should return to life, and family eating together is the most typical scene in family life.

  It is said that this generation of parents has strong learning ability, but being able to learn does not mean being able to educate.

"Many parents read very thick reading notes. The important thing is to make out what they have learned." Yun Mei said.

  All the changes can be attributed to the fact that parents need to change their posture from above, put down their body, and really shorten the distance with their children.

  China Youth Daily·China Youth Daily reporter Fan Weichen Source: China Youth Daily