"Leave the country to have children"

Thank you for taking up this topic.

It is a pity, however, that you do not critically discuss the statutory limits of reproductive medicine.

We left our country to have children.

We lived in France for a few years and had planned to return to Germany when we started treatment.

In Germany, however, we would have had to get married for this, and it would have incurred high costs. In France, treatment is fully covered. (Why does the desire to have children in Germany actually depend on the wallet? Does society believe that it is our own fault if it doesn't work out?) The wedding was something special for us. In the agonizing years we didn't want to have to “get married quickly” and also “sacrifice” the wonderful event to the KiWu. We have now married, but the way we wanted it to be. Dealing with the topic is different here: the couples have to be released from their employer for treatment, the topic is discussed much more openly. The first time I went to the pharmacy to get medication and it was lost, the pharmacist asked her colleagues.“She is also currently being treated. Incidentally, I had my child that way. ”That gave me confidence.

After five attempts at treatment, it turned out that I needed egg donation.

Not because I started wanting to have children too late, that is also always propagated, I've tried since my 30th birthday, my husband is four years younger.

My egg cells (presumably) have a genetic defect and do not develop any further in the laboratory.

In France we are on the waiting list for the donation.

This would not have been possible in Germany, where egg donation is prohibited and couples abroad are on their own.

I don't know how they can take it.

Especially since in Germany people still pretend that this is morally reprehensible.

But sperm donation is not questioned.

We can no longer imagine returning to Germany.

Anonymous (name is known to the editors)

"It takes more respect"

Birth is an existential experience and shapes at least two people for life. It is all the more important to design and accompany this event as best as possible. The chance that a birth will go well increases when the conditions are right: a secure, stress-free, trusting and self-determination setting is important. Good birth preparation includes dealing with your own wishes, ideas and possibilities. The result can be recorded in a birth plan and passed on to the birth team.

Most births are normal.

But of course, as is so often the case in life, not everything can be influenced during a birth.

What can be influenced, however, are the handling and communication.

The current S3 guideline for vaginal births on appointment says: "All health professionals should ensure at all times that women receive individual and respectful care, that they are treated with appreciation and respect and that they can make informed decisions themselves."

So obstetricians need to be educated about the pros and cons of interventions if they want to carry them out.

One then speaks of joint decision-making.

An undesirably performed intervention is bodily harm as long as it is not an acute child's emergency.

Different people have different experiences.

For a woman who was traumatized during childbirth because her wishes were disregarded, the phrase “the main thing is that the child is healthy” is a mockery of her experience.

Whereas a woman might agree to that after a silent birth.

A doctor who deals with high-risk pregnancies in the clinic and who has seen countless emergencies in the course of her career will have a different perspective than a home birth midwife who has mostly accompanied beautiful births.

But every birth deserves a salutogenic view and must not be characterized by fear and pure safety medicine.