How "Maid" helps to understand domestic violence

• The

  Maid

  series

  ,

  one of the most watched on Netflix in France, tells the story of Alex, a young woman victim of domestic violence.

• It is rare to see a series speak with such precision and relevance about psychological violence within the couple and emphasize that a woman can be a victim without having been beaten.

Are we a victim of domestic violence even when the aggressor has not (yet) struck a blow? This is one of the main questions addressed in the Netflix series 

, based on the autobiographical bestseller

by Stephanie Land, which tells how Alex (Margaret Qualley), a a penniless young mother succeeds in escaping from a liberticidal marital situation.

“Physical violence never exists without this psychological violence portrayed in

.

These are the precursors of the physical violence that will appear later, ”explains Karen Sadlier, doctor in clinical psychology and specialist in these questions.

Moreover, the blows will not be long since Sean (Nick Robinson) begins to aim at her with objects.

“First, he taps next to her and then he'll hit her,” confirms Annie Ferrand, a psychologist specializing in the treatment of psycho-trauma.

We take a look back at three striking scenes that allow us to understand the mechanisms of influence.

When Alex arrives in the shelter for victims of domestic violence, she perceives her situation as less serious than that of the other women in the household.

Arriving in the shelter, Alex is dissociated, she finds it difficult to see herself as a victim. “The longer a woman has lived through violence, the more she will develop dissociative symptoms, through which she is disconnected from her emotions,” emphasizes Karen Sadlier. She will minimize the seriousness of what she has experienced ”. This minimization of the harm experienced is also part of the violent partner's strategy. “Some women come out of hell but the abuser kept saying, 'You're too cozy'. Impregnated with this discourse, they do not identify the extent of the damage, ”explains Annie Ferrand for her part. Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence cannot be reduced to beating. “Some women have not received it, but all other forms of violence, extremely destructive, are present.And they are worried, like Alex in

, not to be believed, ”notes Karen Sadlier.

The term “coercive control” used in Canada, and increasingly in France, encompasses all forms of violence: psychological, emotional, financial, administrative that we find in the series.

It gives a good idea of ​​what is at stake in domestic violence.

"The perpetrator of coercive control isolates his victim from all forms of support, exploits his resources, prevents him from accessing new resources, regulates the daily life of the victim and deprives him of the means necessary to achieve independence. , resist or flee ”, we can read on the website of the association Women for Women France.

Once safe, the victim can finally connect with what they have been through and realize the gravity of the facts.

Alex ends up giving in to the advances of Sean who does everything to get her back.

Once back home, it's rock climbing.

A woman returns an average of seven times to her attacker.

One of the main reasons is economic violence.

After their departure, some of these women plunge into great poverty.

And it does not miss in

, Alex comes back after losing his home because of… Sean! At the same time, he regained control, no longer drinks. He even offers his support when Paula (Andie MacDowell), Alex's mother, is hospitalized. “When the victim returns, a first idealized honeymoon period may exist but very quickly the spouse puts the control mechanisms back in place in an amplified manner,” points out Karen Sadlier. We can see it in the series. Sean starts drinking again almost instantly after the young woman returns. He confiscates his cell phone on the pretext of not having the means to pay it and he takes away his car, his only way to work. She becomes his prisoner.

Violent spouses act according to five strategies, described by the Feminist Collective Against Rape (CFCV) which has uncovered them by cross-referencing thousands of testimonies. “First, the geographical, friendly, relational, professional isolation. Then, the devaluation and destruction of self-esteem, says Annie Ferrand. We also find the inversion of guilt, the way in which the aggressor makes the victim believe that he is responsible for everything that happens to him; the organization of a permanent climate of insecurity. And, finally, the strategy of secrecy, the way in which the aggressor manages to prevent the victim from escaping or talking about it ”. And, Sean ticks all the boxes.

"Each time the victim returns, the violence tends to worsen, which weakens the woman in order to protect herself", continues Karen Sadlier. The aggravation of violence anesthesia and it is by raising the stakes that a new start can take place, if he takes out a knife or attacks the child, for example. For Alex, the isolation is total. Even her father refuses to admit the facts. "The aggressor will on the one hand isolate the victim from everything that can be a resource, professional, friendly, emotional… but he will impose toxic people on him," notes Annie Ferrand. Because his father was himself an abusive partner in the past. "What do you want him to testify about?" Is he going to testify that his daughter is going through normal things? », Concludes the specialist with a touch of irony.

Once back in the trailer, Alex no longer reacts and sinks into a dizzying void.

We can see Alex's psychic death very clearly.

shows her impassive, absent, numb.

She sinks into his mind like a gigantic black hole.

It no longer exists.

"Rare are the films which succeed in making understand the state of mental distress in which one can find oneself vis-a-vis an aggressor", insists Annie Ferrand.

Abusive spouses use the same techniques as the enhanced interrogation methods employed by US intelligence agencies in the fight against terrorism. These include screaming at the victim, using loud music, depriving sleep, or making stressful use of light. “The spouse uses sleep deprivation to create a state of cerebral exhaustion which makes the victim much more manipulable,” describes Annie Ferrand. It lowers the temperature to 14 degrees in winter under the pretext of saving money ”. A control of the body is put in place so that the violent partner destroys the integrity of the victim. "It has the impression of dissolving itself", underlines the psychologist. She loses contact with herself.

Considered torture, Barack Obama's administration banned the use of these techniques in 2009.

Society

Women testify to psychological violence in young couples

Society

Violence against women: Gérald Darmanin announces new measures

• Series

• Violence against women

• Netflix

• Domestic violence

• Culture