• Looking at the other in a job interview without conveying insecurity, fear or that you are lying

  • 13 expert tips to make you feel good at the company

It is one of the most envied possessions for those who lack it. Have

great self-confidence

, that essential ingredient in any sauce of success. Confidence to defend your ideas through thick and thin, to speak fluently in public, to carry whatever objective you set for yourself to a successful conclusion, so that others consider you a trustworthy person (for example, in a selection interview).

The fact is that there are people who seem to have been born with it on (with confidence, I mean) and others who have a hard time believing in themselves and in their own abilities.

Marta Fresnedoso

knows this very well

,

a woman who changed her career as a

successful executive

in the financial area of ​​multinationals for another in the

Civil Guard

-where she is a sergeant-, before falling into a

serious depression

and getting out of it by dint of diving to the depths to find herself, she relates. She tells it in

'The Secret of the Phoenix'

(ed. Amat), a book where she shares her life experience and encourages readers to come out of life's trances with the same tools used by her.

Self-confidence, Marta Fresnedoso explains to Yo Dona, "is a

fundamental pillar

to start building a

satisfying life

-whatever this means for each one-, in the sense of making brave decisions aligned with who you really are. , beyond what others expect of you or who you wish you were ".

Let's see now how to achieve it.

STEP ONE: DISCOVER YOUR ESSENTIAL VALUE

How did Marta Fresnedoso herself develop her self-confidence? "Although it seems like a total contradiction, what allowed me to gain a solid confidence in myself was precisely the lack of all the

attributes

that I thought

made me valuable

when I suffered a major depression. to live, when I hit rock bottom, I was able to

order

my

priorities

with total clarity, and then I realized my

essential value, the

one I have possessed since I was born, the one that comes as standard, just as we all possess it ".

Before this dramatic episode in her life, the author explains, "I mistakenly thought that others valued me for being

smart

,

beautiful

or

successful

, but I really discovered that my essential value is not based on any of these attributes, but on what I am it makes me a

good human being:

my ability to

love

and

help

others, in short, my

ability to contribute to the world

. " And he clarifies: "One of the objectives that I have tried with 'The secret of the phoenix' is to prevent people from reaching rock bottom, as it happened to me, to realize their essential value, to begin to accept, value and take brave and consistent decisions. "

For Fresnedoso (before her epiphany), ignoring her essential value made her feel insecure "because any of the qualities that I mentioned in the first place -intelligence, beauty, success ...- we can lose them at a stroke. Someone more handsome will always appear. or smarter than you. However,

values

,

kindness

or

generosity

do not depend on the circumstances or the opinion of others. "

SECOND STEP: TAKE YOU INTO ACCOUNT

-Does gaining confidence in oneself go through, in the first place, putting ourselves above others in our own interests?

"Rather than putting myself 'above', I prefer to say 'keep you in mind'. To me,

excess empathy

always played very bad tricks on me and I made very bad decisions thinking more about others than about myself. In the end, we all lose out. when we act like this. "

The moment we

stop

taking

ourselves into account,

explains the Civil Guard and expert in personal development, the problems begin, because we enter a vicious circle that increasingly undermines security and self-esteem.

"Therefore, what it is about is to find a good

balance

between

contributing

,

contributing

and taking into account

your interests and needs.

Because if you do not take yourself into account, under what conditions will you be able to offer yourself to others? a point in my life where I care about the opinion of others, but not as much as mine. "

STEP THREE: LEARN TO SAY 'NO'

To achieve the above, he says the expert, it

is very important to

work communication,

the

assertiveness

, "knowing how to

say no to people or situations and also learn to

set limits

".

Obviously, these skills, if you lack them, are not learned overnight.

What to do then if we are faced with a weighty situation such as, for example, negotiating a divorce?

In that case, Fresnedoso recommends, "we must have the collaboration of professionals who look after our interests when we cannot do it ourselves:

lawyers

and

psychologists

, for example."

STEP FOUR: DETECT AND NEUTRALIZE THE MIRRORS

A chapter to which Marta Fresnedoso attaches great importance is the impact that the 'mirrors' where we look at ourselves have on us and our confidence. That is why she recommends being very careful with the

inputs

: "If I am continually exposed to 'perfect' Instagram profiles, beauty magazines, movies, programs or series that project lives and bodies ten, the simplest thing is that I feel frustrated with my reality So, in the same way that I take care of my diet, I must take care of the information that enters my mind. "

It does not mean eliminating

all these inputs if you enjoy them, he adds, but "developing the

right vision

for them." In the end, it's all about

not comparing yourself to others.

Because comparing yourself is the mother of many evils - "having reference models is very good, as long as they inspire you and encourage you to give the best of yourself, the problem arises when comparisons make you feel bad, which is what almost always usually occurs"-.

STEP FIVE: TAKE CARE OF RELATIONSHIPS

In line with the above, the expert recommends taking care of our personal relationships: "They say that we are the result of the five people with whom we relate the most. If I am surrounded by dark clouds, negative people who do not trust me, I will feel worse, as simple as that".

AND FINALLY ... DO NOT OVERCOME BRAKING

Having confidence in yourself is something we should all aspire to but ... is excess also bad? Because we all know a case of a person with enormous self-confidence who has hit a bump for not listening to others ... "Lack is as bad as excess," explains Fresnedoso; "An 'apparent' excess of self-esteem may be hiding deficiencies, fears and insecurities, which is not really self-esteem, it is the ego in disguise, and this can become dangerous. The healthy thing is to also be aware of our limitations, because everyone we have them. " In short, the expert adds: getting to build self-esteem, a balanced self-confidence "is one of the best investments we can make in our lives.Without a doubt there is a before and after after this conquest. "Well, nothing, let's get to work.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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Keywords: marta fresnedoso, advice, others, trust, woman, person, confidence, possessions, people, decisions, self-confidence, job interview, selection interview, thecivil guard, rock bottom