• The feminist convictions of some women have become incompatible with the idea of ​​a couple.

  • Worn out by the mental load and tired of taking a back seat, they now thrive in celibacy.

  • But celibacy does not mean rejection of men or abandonment of sexual or romantic relationships.

Is the couple the key to happiness? For these heterosexual women, the answer is no. Exhausted by the mental load, tired of being at the same time "bonniche, cook, lover, mother, laundress" in Diane's words, they decided to leave their companion and remain single. Our appeal launched after the publication of an investigation by

Le Monde

gathered around a hundred testimonies. Women whose feminist convictions have become incompatible with the idea of ​​a couple. Women for whom personal development can now only go through celibacy.

With all due respect to the few Internet users who have poured out a flood of hatred and insults following our appeal, it is a reality.

It is not a fight, neither personal nor of the editorial staff, against men.

This is not a manifesto for the end of the couple, it is just a fact.

A fact that must, or at least that can question us about the place left to each within a heterosexual couple.

"A total lack of freedom"

“The heterosexual couple today makes me think more of continuous sacrifices as a woman than of the fairy tale that we have been trying to sell us since our childhood,” says Marion, 29, who left her partner during the confinement of March 2020, after nine years of living together. What all the women who have written to us have in common is the impression that the concessions, a priori essential to a married life, only went in one direction. That the needs and desires of their companion always came first, that the entire life of the home rested on their shoulders alone, without a division of tasks being possible. “What I remember from my fifteen years as a couple is a total lack of freedom,” recalls Diane, 38 years old. "I did not feel listened to or respected," regrets Alicia, 33 years old.

“The rise of the feminist movement opened my eyes to the lack of equality between men and women,” explains Jeanne, 39 years old.

Educated in a patriarchal system, I saw my mother and my grandmother serving as "boniches" to the men of the house.

Shopping, cleaning, raising children ... All this seemed normal to me before, but today it revolts me.

"When Marion got into a relationship at 25, it was" to submit to what society and those around me expected of me.

I met a very nice young man, already well established in life, and everything happened.

All of my beliefs about feminism have been shattered.

"

"The impression of living again"

Professional classical musician, the young woman works late at night. “I was the one who after the concerts when I got home at 10 pm - 11 pm had to prepare food. It was I who, during the 30-minute breaks between rehearsals, rushed to do some shopping, again I who had to do the housework and the laundry between two workouts. The last straw was during the first confinement. I no longer performed on stage, but I still had to work on my instrument. But I hardly could touch it because my partner felt that I was on vacation and that I could do a little more because he was telecommuting. Today I have the impression of living again, while my family died of worry to know that I was single and childless at almost 30 years old. "

And this is the happiness that these women find when they leave their partner and decide to remain single. At 47, after three relationships and two children, Sonia considers herself "the happiest of women". Single for six years, she says she is "totally satisfied" since she lives alone: ​​"I decide everything, I do not suffer anything. I finally feel fulfilled in the role of the woman I imagined myself when I was a teenager. I will never get back as a couple. The couple is an insult to my intelligence as a woman. "

Does giving up married life mean giving up love?

No.

Sonia says to herself "coveted by a bunch of lovers who all treat me ten times better than my ex-husbands".

Ditto for Claire, 54 years old.

She divorced the father of her three children after 25 years together and is now careful not to move in with her new boyfriend: “We just share outings and good times.

Routine would kill my new love duo.

It is very well thus, no reproach nor weariness.

Everyone at home is better for everyone.

Society

Coronavirus: How confinement increases the mental burden on women

Media

"Gaze", feminist magazine with a raised fist and a multicolored look

  • Couple

  • Testimony

  • gender equality

  • Single

  • Feminism

  • Mental load

  • Society