Focus
Misplaced family relationships are pushing children into the vortex of play
Facing a child who is addicted to games and cannot help himself, is it to blame the game, or to blame the child?
Perhaps the answer is neither.
In 2019, Sun Hongyan, director of the Children's Research Institute of the China Youth Research Center, led a team to conduct a survey, hoping to screen out children who are addicted to games based on their behavioral characteristics.
The survey was aimed at more than 10,000 minors. The questionnaire selected eight major questions, such as "Whether you want to go online when you are idle", "I can only play for an hour, but can I control myself", "Does playing games affect sleep"...
Sun Hongyan’s team found through research that in a democratic family environment, the proportion of children who are addicted to games is 1.7%, the proportion of children who are addicted to games in authoritarian families is 9.7%, and the proportion of children who are indulgent in families is as high as That’s 11.7%.
"The problem of game addiction is actually the networking of life problems." Sun Hongyan believes that if children are addicted to games, then parents should reflect on the problems in their children's lives, instead of blindly blaming the children.
Parents only charge 20 yuan for the phone bill, and children throw their phones in front of the class
Jin Ming (pseudonym), who has taught in a work-study school for many years, has witnessed too many split "game families".
In Jin Ming's class, there was a severe family conflict caused by game fees: In order to restrict children from playing games, the father only charged the children's mobile phones with 20 yuan per month.
There was friction between the words of the two generations, and in front of the class, the father and the child quarreled.
The child slammed the phone to the ground and yelled at his father. Everyone on the spot was frightened.
Once, a student’s mother cried to Jin Ming on the phone: the child was holding a mobile phone to play games, not going to bed at night, and not waking up in the morning.
On the other side of the microphone, there were "clanging" sounds from time to time, "It's very noisy".
When Jin Ming saw the kid playing the game: his face was pale, he was tall, and skinny, "suddenly he felt very pitiful."
He can feel the pain of the parents: no matter what they say, they can't get into the child's brain, "I can't wake him up."
Jin Ming analyzed the reason. Children need self-identification during adolescence-he enjoys the glory on the Internet, but this piece is missing in real life.
As a result, the child fled to the online world.
Over the years, children and adults have never stopped fighting over games.
Jin Ming worked as a class teacher and asked his children to hand in their mobile phones.
Some children hide their mobile phones and hand in a simulated model mobile phone. They always want to play games at night. People are scattered."
Zhou Huazhen, associate professor of the Department of Youth Work at the University of Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and director of the Youth Health Research Center, once presided over a study and released the "Adolescent Addictive Behavior Survey Report-Based on the 2017/2018 Adolescent Healthy Behavior Network Questionnaire Data Analysis".
This study shows that 18% of young people play electronic online games for more than "4-5 hours".
She further explained that according to the judgment standards of the World Health Organization, it is generally believed that playing games for more than 5 days a week and more than 5 hours a day is likely to become addictive.
In Sun Hongyan's view, children are addicted to games, and the "board" cannot only be played on games and children. The deeper reason is that parents have neglected the establishment of a good parent-child relationship.
Sun Hongyan once communicated with a child from an Internet addiction treatment institution.
She asked the child: How long did the game take before it was sent in by the parent?
The child replied: After the high school entrance examination, I had a summer vacation.
She then asked the child, did you play before?
The child shook his head.
Later, Sun Hongyan learned that the parents could not control their children and felt that their children had been playing games for too long, so they sent their children directly to the Internet addiction treatment institution.
"To prevent minors from indulging in games, we should not rely solely on technology. The power of the family also needs to be paid attention to." Sun Hongyan said.
There is a story behind every child who is addicted to games
For Sun Qing (a pseudonym), a senior high school student in Wuhan, he was abandoned by his parents.
There is an obedient younger brother at home. His parents have scolded him and beat him for playing games, and unplugged the router before going to work.
At around 3 a.m. one day, he got up to play a game, the "battlefield" on the screen kept flashing, and the sound of gunshots in the earphones passed through the eardrums.
This time his "disguise" was dismantled: his mother went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found the computer light in his bedroom.
He was beaten.
Since that conflict, he continued to play the game, but he also clearly felt that his parents began to focus on his younger brother, "giving up on me."
There is more or less a misplaced family story behind the children who are addicted to games.
Jin Ming found that families where parents are not at home all year round, or where parents always have quarrels, are more likely to make children addicted to games. “They don’t get warmth from home, so they turn to the game world to find psychological satisfaction.” He remembered Zeng. There is a student whose parents are doing business outside. Every night he orders takeaways, eats, and plays games at home alone. "There is no support in his heart, and the child always feels that his world is very deserted."
In the cafeteria, Jin Ming also observed that there was a boy who needed a bowl of white rice and a bowl of green vegetables for dinner, and begged the aunt at the window to give me a little more vegetable soup, just a little green leaf and vegetable soup. Soak the rice and eat it.
Zhang Jin observed him several times from a distance and found that he had saved the money and secretly bought a piece of game equipment.
After understanding the child’s family background, he knew that the child had been living with his grandparents and his mother was not alive for a long time. “In fact, it’s quite sad to look at it.” He sighed, “One reason why children are addicted to games is family love. Missing".
Another reason for indulging in games may be the children's escape under the pressure of the family.
Jin Ming remembers that there was a child whose parents were both intellectuals and had high demands on him. In order to prohibit him from playing games, his parents used violence to suppress him.
Finally, the child's rebellious heart arose, as long as the parents suppressed, they would climb the balcony window.
"Such children find that they are not up to the expectations of their parents and become addicted to games."
The game seems to be a refuge for problem children.
But the problems exposed by the game often have deeper psychological and family problems behind them.
Wei Qingwang, director of the Chinese Society of Social Psychology and associate professor of the Department of Psychology at Renmin University of China, believes that there are roughly three reasons why young people are addicted to online games: the first level is stress management and response to frustration; the second level comes from self-concept and The misunderstanding of psychological growth; the third level is related to the problems existing in the development of the times and cultural feedback.
"The key to solving the growth troubles brought by games lies in parents. Parents need to be scientifically cautious in the process of educating their children, but also to be peaceful, tolerant and open."
Bian Yufang, director of the Institute of Mental Health and Education of Beijing Normal University, conducted a survey through big data and found that every 10% increase in parent-child intimacy, children’s sense of belonging on campus can increase by about 8%, and Internet addiction problems can be reduced. About 7%.
"Parent-child relationship can effectively reduce children's Internet addiction." She suggested that the Internet is a necessary tool for future study and life, and Internet literacy is one of the most important literacy for children in the future. I hope that families, schools, businesses, and the media can Guide the children to correctly recognize and use the Internet together.
The family should also establish a "Gentlemen's Pact" for games
Prior to this, the simplest and rude domestic practice to deal with children's addiction to the Internet was violence.
When Sun Hongyan received the consultation, she heard that in order to prevent children from playing games, parents once unplugged the keyboard of the computer before going to work and took them to work.
She also heard a mother talk about her child being three years old soon, and she planned to put the computer in a cardboard box and put a seal on it.
"For children who are addicted to games, let them find their inner sense of value and gain from reality." Sun Hongyan said.
Another data from Sun Hongyan’s team survey shows that children who are addicted to games are more than 20% more likely to feel despised than children who are not addicted to games.
Qiao Hao (pseudonym) is a history teacher in a middle school in Beijing. He also has a similar view: "Behind the children who are addicted to games, there are more or less problems with family communication methods. It can be understood as a lack of parenting. Lack of self-confidence in the family makes it easy to find oneself through games."
He observed a phenomenon: in the fourth and fifth grades of elementary school, as the difficulty of learning increases, children who are addicted to games cannot keep up with their learning energy, and their sense of academic achievement and self-confidence will rapidly decrease, but at the same time, this stage Other students have slowly developed a good study habit, and the gap has gradually emerged.
"Some children may feel that their game ability will surpass their classmates, and they have gained some sense of accomplishment and self-confidence from this."
After teaching for many years, Jin Ming once did an experiment: He arranged for a child addicted to games to be a disciplinary committee member. The child was withdrawn and was always embarrassed at the beginning and could not express himself, but the class committee had to go to the podium to talk about the rules of the class.
Persevering for a while, by the end of the term, the child has been able to speak for a long time on stage.
The little boy is tall and can play basketball. "Life will gradually become sunny."
Jin Ming also often thinks that corresponding electronic products will appear in different times. For example, "80s" children like to watch TV, "90s" like to play computers, and now "00s" children like to play with mobile phones.
How to improve children's self-control and how to restrain them?
"It's not because this thing has appeared, just thinking about how to control it."
But now parents basically have two management methods for children playing games: one is to adopt simple and rude management methods, such as confiscating them when they see their children using mobile phones and iPads; the other is to let them go.
Zhu Yongxin, member of the Standing Committee of the CPPCC National Committee and deputy secretary-general and initiator of the new education experiment, believes that neither of these is desirable.
He suggested that parents should establish good Internet usage rules with their children, such as negotiating and signing a "convention", agreeing on the length of time to use mobile phones every day, helping children develop self-control and self-management capabilities, or parents bringing their children together for online learning .
In addition, he believes that parents should set an example.
You can’t prevent your children from using the Internet while spending a lot of time on your mobile phone, even affecting your child’s daily companionship.
"To do this, we need to be based on good family rules."
On August 30, the National Press and Publication Administration issued the "Notice on Further Strict Management and Practically Preventing Minors from Indulging in Online Games."
As written in the notice: Actively guide families, schools and other social sectors to create a good environment conducive to the healthy growth of minors, and perform their guardianship duties in accordance with the law.
"The return of the family is the best'medicine' for children to escape the vortex of play." Jin Ming said.
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily, trainee reporter Yang Jie, reporter Qiu Chenhui and intern Sun Shaoqing Source: China Youth Daily