"The most important thing is that when we throw away the'most in lip color and the trendiest sneakers', we need to try to explore, where is our unshakable value."
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Near the "Mid-Autumn Festival" and "National Day" festivals, Xiaoguang, who was a graduate student at Communication University of China, was very entangled.
One day ago, she received a wedding e-invitation from her university classmate Lili. After the WeChat applet was opened, with sweet background music, Lily and her husband laughed very sweetly in the wedding photos.
While Xiaoguang was happy for Lily, he was also thinking about whether to send Lily a red envelope with a gift?
The 25-year-old Xiaoguang is at an awkward age-even though she is still in graduate school, many of her college and middle school classmates have already finished their studies early, and they got married and had children a year or two after entering the workforce.
On the borderline of becoming an adult society, she understands that wedding ceremonies will gradually become her daily routine in the next few years.
However, what embarrassed Xiaoguang was that there was not much left for living expenses this month. If you send Lily a red envelope, you may be stretched out at the end of the month.
Xiaoguang's embarrassing situation is not an isolated case. Many "older" students face this problem.
Qi Shuo, a second-year graduate student of Beijing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics, controls the monthly living expenses very precisely.
A monthly meal is 1,200 yuan, daily necessities cost 300 yuan, and occasional meals with classmates and friends are about 500 yuan, and the monthly living expenses total about 2,000 yuan, Qi Shuo can basically achieve self-sufficiency.
His main income is borne by his part-time job and scholarship, and sometimes his parents also subsidize it.
"I am a young man in his 20s. I am really embarrassed to open my mouth and ask my parents for money." Although his family is not difficult, Qi Shuo tries to avoid reaching out to his parents.
"But when classmates get married, they will disrupt my rhythm." Qi Shuo said frankly, "I don't want to use my parents' money to pay for my favor."
Yuanyuan, a senior in the economically developed cities along the east coast, is also worrying about the money for her classmates' weddings recently.
Recently, Yuanyuan's college girlfriends are getting married and enthusiastically invite the whole class to attend the wedding.
University students come from all corners of the world, how to determine the standard of etiquette?
Yuanyuan is a northerner. According to the customs of their hometown and small town, the "member's money" is about 300-500 yuan.
However, Yuanyuan recently asked local classmates privately, and they said that everyone was unified at 1,000 yuan per person.
Yuanyuan was embarrassed by this huge red envelope. If she gave it, she would have to ask her family for money. Parents would not be able to accept the standard of 1,000 yuan, but if she only gave 500 yuan, she would be stingy compared to other students, and she would not save her face. , And, will it make your girlfriends unhappy?
Although reluctant, Yuanyuan asked her parents for 1,000 yuan on the grounds of "need to buy clothes recently", which reached the average level of the gift.
"I have never lied about asking my parents for money, but I really can't help it this time. Maybe it's vanity." Yuanyuan has always felt guilty about this matter.
Indeed, college is often seen as the beginning of entering society. Birthdays, entering a higher school, looking for a job, and even getting married and having children have all become a part of interpersonal communication, and the ensuing interpersonal relationships also put some pressure on students.
In this regard, Wei Ran, a psychology teacher at Nanjing Railway University, said that wedding rituals are considered part of traditional customs, but because of the amount involved, most students do not have independent financial capabilities. This practical contradiction has caused many internal conflicts among students. .
In fact, we should realize that this is only one aspect of interpersonal relationships. If handled properly, it will not really affect the relationship between personal image and classmates.
Wei Ran believes that the so-called increase in consumer demand is a subjective issue.
Those students who are trapped in high consumer demand actually chose this kind of life by themselves.
Some people are worried about "feeling inferior with less followers." For this mentality, don't accuse them of being "vanity". You must see that behind this is the student's desire for belonging and self-esteem.
Wei Ran said that in college, the interaction and support between peers are very important. Many students worry that if their spending power is not up to the average level and not "exquisite" enough, they will be looked down upon by their classmates or be isolated.
However, when high consumption really makes us miserable, is there only one way to go?
Desire to be part of the group and to be respected by others is everyone’s need.
But there is more than one group. If we cannot integrate into the "high-consumption" group, can we try to integrate into other groups?
"The most important thing is that when we throw away the'most in lip color and the trendiest sneakers', we need to try to explore where our unshakable value is. When we discover our true value, it belongs to us. Groups will naturally appear, and we will naturally feel accepted and respected."
In the past year or so, due to the impact of the epidemic, many social methods have been transferred online. Some old classmates held "cloud weddings" and conducted online live broadcasts. Onlookers can like online, interact with barrage, and brush gifts in the live broadcast room, which has increased a lot. Ways to express blessings freely.
Jiao Jie, a graduate student in Beijing, participated in the cloud marriage of her hometown classmates in the live broadcast room of Station B last year. Friends and relatives from all walks of life "watch the ceremony" through several computers and mobile phones. The atmosphere is warm and interactive at any time. Everyone is very happy.
Jiao Jie said: "I also bought a few hundred yuan rocket for my old classmates. No one is involved in this cloud wedding. I don’t need to compare and participate according to my actual situation. After removing those vain things, I can truly express my feelings. ."
In fact, it is not difficult to give a wedding gift as long as you sincerely wish.
Knowing that she was married on "11th", Ding Yue, a sophomore in her sophomore year, had long been thinking about what gifts to prepare.
She bought a photo album online, and cut and paste all the photos of the two people from childhood to adulthood in the photo album in chronological order. The common experiences and personal interesting stories of the two people are recorded next to them.
On the last page of the album, Ding Yue wrote: "I am very happy for the twenty years I have grown up with you. From this page, I hope you and him will start a new life."
"The feelings between me and my young girl cannot be measured by red envelopes." Ding Yue said, "I'm sure she can get the blessings in this gift of mine!"
In this regard, Wei Ran said that he "very agrees with this approach", "For true friends, within the scope of our financial ability, we can carefully select a gift that is not high, but very careful and full of emotions. Or a few classmates pack a "big red envelope" together. And that married friend who has a strong friendship with you will definitely understand your situation, and it will not really affect your relationship if you don't follow it."
Qi Yuanjiao Source: China Youth Daily