The amount of data we have today on the female orgasm is overwhelming.
A kind of obsession prompts us to take survey after survey on the subject and, in fact, to tell ourselves the same thing over and over again, namely: that women generally have 'difficulties' in achieving orgasm in sexual intercourse heterosexuals.
Most of these surveys are carried out by manufacturers of erotic toys, the vast majority aimed at women.
Research agrees, for example, that
heterosexual women
reach
orgasm 65% of the time,
while
men
do so
95% of the time.
There is even an expression,
'orgasm gap'
to refer to the fact that they achieve it more than they do.
THE IMPERATIVE ORGASM
This asymmetry has an undesirable effect (beyond the absence of climax on their part): the insistence, sometimes obsessive, by many men that their partner reach orgasm at whatever cost. Experts call it
'the imperative orgasm'.
No one doubts that a part of these men strives to help their partner guided by love and generosity; but it is no less so than many others do it to feel, themselves, sexually competent. Consequence: a large number of women
fake orgasm
(
60% of Spanish women
have done it at some time, specifically).
To make matters worse, there is still a strong emphasis on the idea that women should achieve
orgasm through intercourse,
which rarely happens (well, in the movies, yes).
According to a LELO study, only
18% do so through penetration.
This coitocentric culture means that 61.3% of women have ever thought that it is 'badly done', according to a study by the sex toy brand Platanomelón.
IT IS NOT THE SAME ORGASM AS PLEASURE
The prestigious sexologist
Francisca Molero
believes that, in effect, we live under the
dictatorship of orgasm,
in a context that has reduced pleasure only at the moment of climax and where, paradoxically,
what was once criticized
is exalted
:
speed.
"We always talk about the importance of
integral sexuality,
of the participation of the whole body in obtaining pleasure and yet, despite this politically correct discourse, we return again and again to parcel out, to focus pleasure on a specific organ , or in a specific action. For a long time we did it with
penetration
and now we have done it with orgasm. We forget that
orgasm is of quality when it is part of a process.
In fact, it is not absolutely essential. Yes it is desirable, but not as a unique, isolated thing. If you see it like that, you miss the tour. And we
devalue something very valuable. "
Pleasure and orgasm are not synonymous, despite whoever it may be, Molero defends.
"Today we tend to equate them. And
orgasm is a subjective sensation of pleasure, it is not pleasure
. It is a piece, it is not the whole. To reduce pleasure to orgasm is to impoverish sexuality."
So much so that, paradoxically, we are returning sexuality to its old ways: "So many times we have talked about a non-genitalized female sexuality and we have criticized the male one focused on here I catch you here I kill you and pathologizing rapid ejaculations ..., and now we promote the same in women, get a
quick orgasm.
MARKETING AND EDUCATION
In the search for those responsible for this inexplicable change of sign in sexuality, faster and more intense -but also poorer-, it is impossible not to suspect public enemy number one: the market. "The excessive interest in orgasm is promoted by the fact that it has become an object of consumption," complains Molero.
In 2020,
65% of Spanish women used a sex toy
in search, mainly, of orgasms. "Marketing campaigns have focused on rapid clitoral stimulation, rapid orgasm. Women are sold orgasms the more intense and faster the better." And the marketing message creeps. Go if it creeps "And it creates a lot of problems," adds Molero. "For example, among young boys, who need to learn the pleasure mechanisms of their bodies. I am concerned that young people skip those learning phases to go directly to orgasm."
The enemy to beat, however, lives beyond the ads for sex toys.
"What is missing is a good
comprehensive sexual education
to be able to choose freely, something that can only be achieved with critical thinking.
Sexuality is not far from the world where it develops.
We are in a fast sexuality because it is a reflection of the moment we live in. we complain about the world that has touched us, the stress, the lack of time ... We should reflect on this, on our current sexuality, and what we have become ".
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