This is how promising it starts: "Silvia of Sweden - Secret heartbeat", headlines

Das Goldene Blatt

.

Sweden's queen is “more beautiful and enchanting than ever”, we read: “Secret palpitations seem to make her feel happy.” The tension immediately reaches its climax.

"And indeed: an elderly gentleman is apparently making the queen rejoice." Who would have thought, is the marriage now breaking up, the kingdom shaking?

"But the unknown admirer is apparently none other than Silvia's own husband Carl Gustaf (75)!" Pfff.

In the past, the booklets at least invented some romances with gallant court officials or graying counts, now your own, unknown husband has to make your heart beat secretly.

Disappointing.

Jörg Thomann

Editor in the "Life" section of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung.

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At Silvia's and Carl Gustaf's age, people think of cardiologists when they hear unusual heart rhythms.

Sky du Mont, 74, is also on his guard, who

remembers “17 years of marriage and an expensive divorce”

in the

Neue Blatt

and says: “Fortunately, I always wear sneakers - then I can flee quickly if I have a great one, but much too young woman. ”No offense, Herr du Mont, but we could imagine that the young woman, if she is not wearing stilettos, will catch up with you without any problems.

Brush with Pink Floyd

Jasmin Wagner, once known as the singer Blümchen, seems to be a speed miracle.

She

tells

Gala

that while cleaning she “hears 'little flowers' songs loudly. The household is done in three and a half songs. There is no faster and more accurate cleaning to any other music ”. Wagner is either incredibly fast or she lives - unfortunately, her golden days were a long time ago - in a tiny apartment. Well, we'd clean up to Blümchen songs very quickly too, just to get it over with, but we wouldn't even get very far with three and a half twenty minutes of Pink Floyd. And even the 29-hour Stockhausen opera cycle “Light” would not be enough to bring some order to the children's room.

Helene Fischer's new song only lasts three and a half minutes.

“Together with Latino-Pop-King Luis Fonsi (43, 'Despacito') she sings the song 'Vamos a Marte' (German: 'Let's go to Mars'), which will very likely take the hit lists around the world by storm “, Claims

Echo der Frau

- and if someone could research now whether the piece is already number one in Guinea-Bissau or Bhutan, then we would be very attached to him.

By the way, we didn't think going to Mars was a good idea, we would recommend a spaceship - as we are surprised anyway that fishermen, who, according to

Bunte

, showed themselves on Instagram

in a "T-shirt with a bald eagle and US flags", didn't sing her Mars song with Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos.

Pale in focus

In Monaco, where you could reach the top of the singles charts if only three people bought the song, another gala concert had to be celebrated without Charlène, who is in Africa. Instead, “Albert's former lover Nicole Coste, 49, who came with their son Alexandre, 17,” was in the hall, ”

Die Current

says

indignantly

and asks:“ Is she perhaps even replacing Charlène? In times of gender and anti-racism everything is possible! ”Exactly, the

latest

: In Europe's monarchies, pale princesses and queens are being replaced by black women in rows.

The new sheet

in the meantime registers, alienated, that Coste and her son had "good seats at dinner".

If we were princes ourselves, then we would always place former affairs and illegitimate children at the cat table near the toilets.

Meanwhile,

free time

fun starts with the headline “Shame on you, Harry!

He's selling his grandmother for 20 million. ”Hopefully to dear people who take good care of the old lady.

Can she take her corgis with her?

A possible buyer would be the alleged new friend of the singer Adele, who, according to the

Gala, is

“a multi-million dollar sports agent” and is called Rich Paul - apparently his correct, but also an extremely adequate name, as he could be translated as “rich Paul”.

The successful crime novelist Catherine Shepherd, on the other hand, actually comes from Germany and is called Katrin Schäfer. Translating your own name into English is a clever trick to suggest sleek cosmopolitanism. Other German bestselling authors could also gain new readership if they wrote their books as Patrick Sweetchild, July Toe, Daniel Throatman, Peter Welllife or Eckart of Deerhouses.

The actor Florian Odendahl leads us back to love affairs, the

Bunte

reports: “I had a love, and they were both very jealous. We broke off the antennas, kicked dents in the car, breakfast rolls flew through the air. ”Quite impressive, if strange: the two were apparently jealous of the other's car.