ESTHER MUCIENTES
Madrid
Updated on Saturday, 3July2021-11: 18
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Macrobrote Butts, rum and junk food on the floor: the photos of the rooms of the Covid hotel in Palma after the passage of the students
Balearic Islands The Palma judge annuls the confinement of the 180 students who have not tested positive for Covid
More than a thousand infected, as many people in quarantine or affected and young people in the spotlight. The relaxation of protection measures against the
coronavirus
has had
the most controversial consequence
in the
macro outbreak in Mallorca
. Thousands of young people from different autonomous communities who, after the opening of the perimeter closures and the improvement in incidence, decided to do what any young person of their age has done and has dreamed of doing: an end-of-year trip with their friends. With a big difference, the
coronavirus
has changed everything, it has imposed new rules. Was it time for end-of-term trips? Who is to blame for the
macro outbreak
? Authorities, administrations, young people, parents?
The social outrage that has caused the
macro outbreak in Mallorca
has been caused by a perfect storm:
young people
,
parties
,
coronavirus
,
non-compliance with the rules
,
social networks
, questioned judicial decisions and
only a few
parents
, who assumed the responsibility that corresponded to them their children. From images of parents demanding the "release" of their children as if they were in a detention center instead of in a
Covid hotel
, as regulated by the protection measures against
Covid-19
Since March 14, 2020, even parents presenting "habeas corpus" for illegal detention to let their children out of the
Covid hotel
because it was against fundamental rights.
Much has been said about the irresponsibility of some young people and little about that of parents.
All eyes were on the
macro outbreak in Mallorca
, but the reality is that the concern about the increase in cases among young people is beginning to be more than a warning.
The
incidence among young people
continues to rebound, with an increase of 133 points in the group aged 20 to 29 years (499 cases) and an increase of 60 in the group between 12 and 19 years (406).
What is happening?
EL MUNDO has spoken with the psychologist specializing in family and couple relations, Alicia López Losantos, a family mediator with an accredited experience of
more than 20 years
working on the emotional aspect of people.
This expert gives names, surnames and responsibilities to the tsunami that has
caused
the
macro outbreak of Mallorca
.
A tsunami in which young people have been singled out, but in which many others are responsible.
A tsunami that López Losantos does not believe is the behavior of the majority, but that of the minority "that is seen the most."
QUESTION: What makes a father defend his son to even request habeas corpus despite being aware that he has made a mistake and that his irresponsibility has caused a macro outbreak with thousands of infected?
ANSWER:
We have to understand that we are talking about adolescents and place ourselves in the historical and social moment that we are living. Several things come together here. I do not think that parents can be judged as something outside the parents but for the moment we are living. We are in a
moment of fear
, of
uncertainty
, of
desire
, of
expectations
. The behavior of young people, wanting to go on an end-of-year trip, wanting to enjoy with friends is common.
We are at a time when educational styles are very polarized: either you protect your children a lot or abandon them.
You have to understand that the adolescent is a young adult.
However, for society they are not adults but neither are they children.
We have a concept that is in the collective unconscious of the parents.
They are immature, but they are allowed to do adult things and at the same time they are not allowed to do other things
.
They can decide to terminate the pregnancy, but not have a credit card.
They are made immature and little responsible for their actions.
Q. What has led to what has been seen in the macro shoot in Mallorca?
R.
They have influenced many aspects. In social networks it was read that the kids who were in the
Covid hotel
were deprived of freedom, but the reality is that they had a telephone for parents to contact the medical service. This has also happened. There have been kids who would call their parents and tell them that they were scared because they were really scared and parents who would think that by being in a
hotel Covid
they were going to get it. But there have also been others who have had a denialist discourse, because the denialist discourse has been and is in our society. And those guys have broken all the rules.
That speech should also have been stopped.
To all this we must add that there are parents who do not give responsibility to their children but that responsibility is also assumed by the parents.
Sometimes you have to fight against parents and children
.
Parents have to think that these children are going to be adults and that they have to know that each act has a consequence.
If when they get home they do not tell them that they have made us pay money to us and the state, that you have endangered people and that this has consequences, they will not understand the consequences of their actions.
Q. Whose responsibility is it?
R. It
is necessary to understand that it is a responsibility of the whole society and that there
must also be a responsibility for parents
.
If we endanger public health, there must be a punishment, a sanction, a fine, something that there is not.
You cannot legislate the behavior of all people, but it is true that we all agree that
they are not exemplary behaviors
, but neither is it the behavior of the majority.
For example, last year there were demonstrations for the murder of George Floyd and there we were not vaccinated and it was also bad, but no one saw it as an irresponsible act.
That also educates.
Parents have to think that these children are going to be adults and that they have to know that each act has a consequence
Q. What would have to be explained to a young person, to an adolescent so that they understand the seriousness of their actions in a situation like the one that is being experienced with the coronavirus pandemic?
A.
I would explain to my son that this behavior is not exemplary and that this behavior is embarrassing.
It is what not to do even as parents.
The behavior of a few does not mean that it is the behavior of all.
And it is not only their bad behavior it has been the bad behavior of many.
But it is not something general in Spanish society.
We have set an example in a year and a half (...).
What happened in Mallorca was not very civic.
Above all,
it is not necessary to overprotect children
because that leads to them being very dependent adults when they are adults.
I always remember the case of parents who had a girl who was in puberty and who liked to wear miniskirts and tops. The father took her to the cinema to see a movie about trafficking in women and the girl was shocked and it was difficult for her to dress like that again.
It cannot be banned in adolescence
. As a child yes, but in adolescence you
have to make them reason
, show them what we have lived because there are times when people are not aware of what it has been because they have not seen images of coffins. You have to see it because if you don't think it's a movie. Maybe they have to go to a nursing home and see what it means.
Q. What justification can be given first to allow a study trip in the health situation that we are in and secondly to assume the same excuses, explanations and complaints from your child?
R.
If in the end you decide to give in and let him make the trip, you have to understand that in the life of the adolescent it is a very important moment.
We have all been young and we have all lived that moment
.
If we let him go, they
have to be aware of everything
.
People think that teenagers don't listen, but they do if you have taught them to listen.
Everything we say to our children enters them, even when they are in rebellious times (...) We also have to set an example.
We cannot meet, breaking the rules, without protecting ourselves and asking them to be responsible.
Overprotecting what you do is that adolescents believe that whatever their parents do will support them
Q. What does the support of your parents at all levels mean for a young person who has committed certain irresponsibility?
R.
It leads to a lot of adult suffering because they are people who believe they are the center of the world, who see no limits to their attitudes.
They will bring suffering to the family, suffering to their parents and they will be very unstable adults
.
In society you are one more and
you will not have your parents to defend you always
.
Your parents go as far as they can go and they are going to be insecure adults.
At first they come out with a lot of confidence, but it is a false self-confidence.
They are going to be dependent and have very little self-confidence.
Although it sounds loud, they can become
sick adults
.
P. As a specialist, how would you explain or rate the attitude of these parents?
R.
It is an overprotective, permissive education.
The child does not see any limits to his performances.
When there are aggressive adolescents, with behavioral problems, with irresponsible attitudes, the first thing parents say is that they have consented to everything, that they have behaved phenomenally with them, that they have given them everything ... They should have seen that it was wrong and they should have put limits on them.
When adolescents have problems, the adolescent blames them on the fact that their parents have not cared about them, but the reality is that they
have been permissive and overprotective parents
.
You have to pay attention to them, but give them their responsibility.
And that can also be considered a type of abandonment.
Overprotecting what it does is that adolescents believe that whatever their parents do, they are going to support them, they are going to be one of them.
Education has to be reinforcing and limiting
.
And they have to see that from childhood that any attitude has a consequence.
People think that teenagers do not listen, but if they do, if you have taught them to listen
P. Who do you think has more responsibility in this macro-outbreak, the young people for not complying with the rules or the parents who allowed it and who later defended it?
A.
The parents who allowed and defended are families that are going to have many problems.
If they are young people who have not paid attention to their parents, socially they will be frowned upon.
And that is a lesson for them, that makes them see that they have committed irresponsibility.
Images have been seen of girls leaving the
Covid hotel
covering their faces because they felt ashamed.
If the parents allow, they do not raise awareness and defend them, the problem is the family.
Parents cannot help denying their children's education.
Education is primarily from the parents
.
Here the responsibility would lie with a large part of their parents, who have not known how to educate their children.
Q. Where would the middle ground have been?
What should have been done when my son comes and tells me about the trip is sit down and talk with him. I make him understand that what he tells me is important, that I understand him and from there tell him the things that can happen. And not for the performance of the boy but for the performance of the rest.
From there explain the consequences and then let him decide. But let him decide knowing what the parents think and what the parents' reaction will be if a problem occurs.
As parents we have to lead our children to choose the best option
. They have to see us as an example and they have to see that they are also responsible. At that moment he already knows that everything that happens will be his fault and that everything that happens will be his responsibility. And certainly not go to defend that attitude of your children.
How many young people are there in Spain?
What has happened in Mallorca is a group of kids who were in Mallorca having a good time and who could have been in a mess but in the end it has ended in something terrible, also because of the parents who have come out to defend them.
You cannot go out defending the indefensible.
You cannot say my son never lies because your son lies like everyone else
.
You cannot stand up to the authority of the teachers and that is happening.
You have to set limits from a young age and responsibilities from a young age.
You have to teach them to be respectful, polite ...
We give them happiness, but we don't let them manage it
.
You want the motorcycle because you work in the summer to get it.
They are young adults, they are not children.
By managing your happiness you will take responsibility for it.
According to the criteria of The Trust Project
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