[In-It] A yes man who doesn’t even have a heart, if you keep going, you will get sick

There are many civil servants in the world, but not all civil servants are created equal.

The public officials we encounter at the city hall or city hall are called general public officials, and those who deal with special fields such as teachers, soldiers, police, and firefighters are called specific civil servants. The 119 Rescue Team, to which I belong, selects and organizes personnel who have served as military officers for more than two years in the military special forces (special forces, UDT, marine reconnaissance, etc.) Even if you watch a TV program called 'Steel Troop', which is very popular these days, our rescue team says, "Who's classmate this is, and who's the senior?" People who cross the bridge know everyone. To put it on a spoon, I too have lived in the same building for over 3 years as a member of the same unit as the entertainer Park Gun in 'Steel Troop'. By the time he transferred to the unit with a nosebleed and became a master of cleaning, Park came in with his nose hanging down to the uvula. Even though Park was a bit clumsy in my memory, he was a very kind and enthusiastic soldier. Anyway, given the circumstances, it would not be an exaggeration to say that the horse was a firefighter and started a second military career.

That's why the thought of 'Kara-myeon' was natural to me. It is an expression often used in the military, but it means that if a superior asks you to do something, you follow it without saying anything. It seems to have been a thought that, given that the rust of the country is eaten, it is necessary to think more about the will of the organization than the individual. In fact, I still don't know exactly why I felt that way.

When I started my life as a fire department with such a heart, I became an 'easy person'. Last year, the Seomjin River embankment collapsed due to heavy rains, and I was on the verge of exhaustion by running and running all night long, and I was told that an emergency worker was needed. No matter who I was, the job came rushing to me. I was assigned without much thought for the mission to be dispatched to Incheon International Airport. It was on the way down from my mother's house to Namwon, and when I heard the news, my eyes were actually completely black. It is destined to be driven only by being isolated from society for over a month. Busy training has passed, and now I have to think about dating and getting married, and at the moment when this happens again, I wondered if I was the only one to live alone. I was also surprised by the answer to the rescue chief's call from the car.

"Yes, Captain. I'll go to Incheon. I've always wanted to go there."

Nara was increasingly recognized as a necessary person for our rescue team. Unfortunately, under the same title as 'the last bastion'. He became like a vacuum cleaner who does things that others are reluctant to do. Then I thought it would be a little easier. I thought that if people found me at work and recognized my zeal, that would be living as a happy person in the organization. After living like that for over a year, I suddenly realized it. It means that my heart is getting uncomfortable and the people around me are getting more comfortable. Then the incident happened.

“There is a team reorganization due to the strongest firefighters competition. So, I hope everyone understands and follows along,” the rescue team leader delivered during the shift.

I knew early on that there was going to be a team reshuffle, and my mind was constantly anxious. Last year alone, I changed the team three times, and it felt like I was going to move again this year. Last year, he transferred to the strongest firefighter rescue tactics team and trained hard, but the results were not very good. So I barely made it back to my original team. I couldn't join the training team because of a shoulder injury during training, and I had to change the team again. I moved the team four times in one year, and there was no way I could explain my feelings. Then, a senior who moved teams as much as I did, said this to me.

“Hey, I know because I’ve moved a lot of teams, but then I don’t feel like a social misfit. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

My mind was exactly that. I came here and tried to adapt well, but the feeling I felt was that I could not settle down at the company and was out of place. Meanwhile, the captain sat me down and encouraged me to move to the fifth team.

"I'm sorry, Captain Choi, but I think we'll have to change the team again because of the strongest firefighter, is that okay?"

He bowed his head and was silent for a long time, and then, with a raging heart, confronted the captain.

"Chief. Frankly, if the rescue team says that, I'm moving unconditionally, so why am I the only one doing it? Others can't because they have a family, some people can't because they're far from home, and they don't want to do it.

Tears and sorrow came to me as I vomited up all the things that had been stuck in my heart. I've never answered "NO" to my boss, but for the first time, I expressed myself and said that I didn't want to do it. It was only when I was young that I was afraid of losing the friend I liked, so I always said I would know, but it was so upsetting and stupid that I became a yes-man who only said “YES” in order not to lose people around me or to be recognized even after growing up.

A few days later, I wandered. I had no idea where it went wrong and how to fix it. This was my own problem that I couldn't blame anyone for because I was caught in a trap I made myself. There were times when I thought that becoming a firefighter would actually be the end of it. I became a civil servant that others envy, and I thought that I would only walk the flowery road because it was the best thing I could do, but life was not always easy. While I was telling others to be happy, I was wandering every day without finding my own happiness.

Late at night, I got a call from the manager who was drunk.

"Hey, Chief Choi. Was it hard? If it's hard, I have to say it's hard."

"I'm not the manager. Have you been drinking a lot?"

"It's me, I eat something every day. I'm drinking today, but you keep sticking with me like a grain of sand in my heart. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having such a hard time. Hey, I did too. I went to a few competitions. I thought it would be right if I just lived like that. But...but don't live like that. Why are you living like that? Captain Choi. Everyone in the rescue team knows how hard you work. So you say you can't either."

"Yes, Chief..."

It's been over a month now.

As time went on, the team leader's comfort seemed to have given me strength.

A business friend advised me that if I had a problem, I could cut off the root of the problem.

"Then cut me off?"

The comfort of a friend who insisted on leaving the rescue team that had been hard at work was of no help at all.

However, the chief's comfort was a little different.

A person who was usually speechless borrowed the power of alcohol and barely brought out the words "I'm sorry" to a subordinate, which seemed to give strength to my heart.

The situation didn't change much, but once I gained strength in my heart, it got better.

It doesn't seem like a problem has to be solved.

Moreover, working life is already twisted and twisted, so I don't even know where it started.

<Conditions of happiness taught in Cheonghak-dong>

First, you must eat.

When you're hungry, you steal what you eat even though you know it's wrong.

Second, it must be recognized.

Being recognized for what I do is very important to happiness.

Long before I even started working, I read the conditions for happiness taught in Cheonghak-dong and took it to heart. At that time, I was like, 'That's right' or 'I think so', but as I got older, happiness became much more complicated. To add one more thing, I thought that the comfort of a colleague could be one of those conditions.

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