Simulation in bed is relatively common.

For Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst, that is not necessarily a bad thing.

However, when, as in Camille's case, it becomes systematic, you have to succeed in explaining to the other the reasons for this behavior and unblocking yourself.

Reaching orgasm is not possible if the conditions are not right.

As Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst explains, in Sans rendez-vous, simulation can be a means of putting an end to the relationship without offending the other.

In Camille's case, it is for fear of offending her husband that she almost systematically fakes her, to the detriment of her own pleasure.

The specialist recommends discussing it, accepting to let go and stop, at least a little, worrying about the other in order to focus on yourself.  

Camille's question

I simulate very often so as not to upset my husband, but I would like to talk to him about it to finally have fun.

How should I do it? 

Catherine Blanc's response

Sometimes we simulate simply because we want to do good to the other.

It's narcissism because we don't want to sound like someone incapable, but it's also altruism.

To say that it's wonderful when you find a bad film is a way of flattering the other and you do it quite naturally in everyday life.

In fact, it's hard to be around someone who criticizes what you do.

So we are always a little flattering to the other to be loved by the other and then, to establish the relationship, to secure it, it's pretty classic.

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However, women know very well that men are obsessed with the idea of ​​making them come.

So as far as they're down, they don't want to stay down too long because they experience performance anxiety that they don't reach while it sends men incompetence to cum.

So they simplify, for them and for the other, through simulation.

Is the simulation uniquely female?

We do not simulate an erection, but we simulate a pleasure that leads to ejaculation or no ejaculation, because it allows to close something that is a little sluggish.

So yes, men pretend just as much as women by suggesting that it's great.

For example, they will make groans during oral sex when not much is happening.

How to make her have fun

She does not take zero pleasure but in any case she does not have an orgasm, that's for sure.

By simulating, she is forced to play a role.

From time to time, it is a stimulation for you and you get caught up in the game of being.

But often, by dint of being in a simulation, it gives her the feeling that he can ejaculate and the relationship ends, which completely closes the possibility for her to have fun.

Hence the importance of trying to afford a little time. 

How to talk about it to your spouse?

I think you have to say: "Very often, I don't come and therefore I pretend to smooth things out, to reassure you, to make it go well. I don't always have fun."

You have to encourage her not to see clutter to the fact that when she is not enjoying herself.

She doesn't do extraordinary things and has to explain to him that because of this, she feels stuck and prevented from enjoying what he does to her. 

The problem does not necessarily come from the other.

If it comes from her husband doing things that he doesn't like, you have to have a discussion about what he likes and what doesn't.

But insofar as it is in her that it is blocked, since she is too attentive to always communicate something positive, she does not give herself the right to let her pleasure take place quietly.