This Wednesday in "Without appointment", the sex therapist Catherine Blanc answers the question of Sandra, who wonders how to reassure her boyfriend who ejaculates too quickly and suffers from the situation.

For the sex therapist, the essential response to this problem is dialogue between the two partners. 

Being sexually efficient is a major issue for men.

But what happens when you have difficulty performing?

And how to support his companion in this specific case?

This is what Sandra wonders, whose partner suffers from more or less premature ejaculation.

A sometimes difficult moment for the latter underlines the sex therapist in Sans rendez-vous, which advocates dialogue in the couple to solve the problem. 

Sandra's question: 

My boyfriend ejaculates quite quickly when we are in bed and it bothers him.

He is very stressed every time we have sex because he wants it to last longer.

I told him I don't mind that the report doesn't last long but he doesn't want to believe me.

I don't know how to get him to accept the idea so that he's no longer ashamed. 

Catherine Blanc's response 

It is not necessarily premature ejaculation in this case.

Moreover, the definition has evolved over the years because we never manage to agree.

Does it depend on a time?

Does it depend on enjoyment?

According to Sandra, that doesn't bother her at all, even if she doesn't say that she likes it either.

Clearly, Sandra explains to us that she experiences during the report, however short it is, what she needs to live there.

However, it's not clear why she doesn't mind because the questions are too short.

So, one might wonder why that doesn't bother her.

Would she mind if it was longer? 

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Doesn't it bother her because she's so in love that it doesn't matter if she likes it?

Or does it not bother her because barely penetrated, anyway, she comes?

In Sandra's case, we don't know and we can only speculate.

What we can hear, however, is that it bothers him and that he is not satisfied with his ejaculation. 

So why is he not happy with his ejaculation? Isn't he because ultimately there is something about his anxiety? Is it because he feels like he's not showing a certain image? Is it because he says to himself 'I need her to take it no longer, that it lasts a long time'. I think the first thing to do to help him is to ask him the question 'why would you want this to last longer'? Especially since Sandra finds her account there, and it must be remembered that there is not necessarily a law of time in a sexual relationship. There is simply a coordination of relationship, quality of relationship, pleasure, play, eroticization over a short or long time. 

If it lasts a very short time, can she still have fun? 

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Of course, especially since we do not know if before there were caresses, foreplay, etc ... We tend to summarize a sexual relationship with penetration but there are women who are very sensitive to the skin , of the clitoris and for whom penetration is not an end in itself. 

The first real question to ask him is 'why is this bothering you?'

What do you miss ?

Are things missing for him or does he imagine that he is missing things for his girlfriend?

If this is the case, it is absolutely necessary to clarify her perception.

The problem is, he doesn't believe her.

How to solve this? 

You have to argue to convince him, explaining why she likes it, why she likes it and why she might not like it longer. It is by discussing that they will find a solution together. "