Tuesday, in "Without appointment", the sex therapist Catherine Blanc answered the question of Clara, who hesitates to contact one of her ex-friends while she is in a relationship.

For her, it might be a good idea if it allows her to put her past in order. 

Can our old romantic relationships be approached serenely within the couple?

Most often, these questions are taboo, when they do not become a direct source of conflict between the two spouses, due to the jealousy they arouse.

It is because she is aware of this risk that Clara, a listener from Europe 1, hesitates to write to her ex.

But in

Sans rendez-vous

, the sex therapist Catherine Blanc advises her not to let herself be paralyzed by the fear of annoying her current companion. 

23-year-old Clara's question 

I have been in a relationship for two years and in love, but I would like to write a message to one of my ex.

He meant a lot to me and I didn't always behave well with him.

What do you think ? 

Catherine Blanc's response

Sometimes it happens that we need to check that we stay in the hearts of others, so we wave to say that we still exist.

But in Clara's case, it seems to me that it is that she has matured, and that she now realizes that she has not behaved well in the past.

To grow up without this guilt, she needs to be able to apologize, to be able to put things in context. 

It has nothing to do with a love affair.

This does not mean that we want to multiply relationships but to grow.

In our life, there are lots of times when we do things without awareness and then the awareness comes back to the load, which can be very disturbing.

So it's good to be able to clean up our past by apologizing to whoever it should.

So is this a good idea? 

I think we can do it.

Imagine that it is not a story of exes but of siblings.

Have we always been correct with our brothers and sisters?

Sometimes we grow up and say to ourselves that they have forgotten ... But they grow up with it.

We can also take the case of a mother who would one day explain herself with her daughter. 

I believe that maturity comes day after day.

It is not necessary that there is only justice which obliges to face the past reality.

However, it is only when we commit reprehensible acts that justice puts our nose in our error. 

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Find sex questions every day at 3:50 p.m. on Europe 1 as well as in replay and podcast here

You have to know how to observe your life, not to always be in the retro, but to be able to say that there are things that we have done well and that we will be able to transmit, and others that were less well and which have left their mark on us and on each other.

And it's good to be able to help the other get free.

But isn't Clara's partner in danger of being jealous? 

Do not be afraid of what the other is doing.

If he's actually doing things that jeopardize the relationship, it's because that relationship doesn't make sense.

We cannot measure a quality of relation to the imprisonment in which we put the other.

We cannot say that we have succeeded in their relationship because we have succeeded in locking them up.

It is very important to give free rein to this desire, insofar as we do not narcissistically try to prove to everyone that we exist.