Was I abandoned by my parents? May 24, 15:17

Have I been abandoned by my parents?

Some people keep asking that.

Many adopted children.

The United States, a major country that accepts intercountry adoption.

What is the fact found by the family who continued to explore their background across countries to answer the questions of the adopted child they accepted?

(Washington Branch Kohei Tsuji)

Why i was abandoned

"Why did the creator let go of me? I lived feeling abandoned by my parents."

It is the words of Meyrin Stai, who came to Utah, USA, as an adopted child at the age of four, 15 years ago from Henan Province, China.

Mr. Stai, who grew up as an Asian American and now attends a local university.

He grew up with love from his American parents, but as he grew up, the question grew.

International adoption is widespread in the United States.

There are many celebrities, and singer Madonna, actors Meg Ryan, and Angelina Jolie are also accepting adopted children from overseas.

Not only couples who are not blessed with children, but also families who want to save unaffiliated children who have faith, and people who are unmarried but want children.

Many people are already adopting their children while they have their own children.

Not only is intercountry adoption nothing special, but I am also surprised that it is not uncommon for me as a Japanese person to have a family that transcends races, such as whites and Asians.

In fact, the largest number of intercountry adoptions accepted by the United States is from China, with more than 80,000 so far.

This is because the conditions for adopting a child, such as the age limit of parents, were not so strict when coming from China.

Brian Stai, the father who adopted Meyrin who appeared at the beginning.

Satisfied with his wife's life alone, he said, "I don't have to have children," but he gradually changed his mind.

Brian

"I decided to adopt because I saw the news that there are many underprivileged children in China. I wanted to provide a family for children who were abandoned and had no relatives."

Knowing the joy of raising children, the Brian and his wife have so far welcomed their three daughters from an orphanage in China.

My daughters repeatedly asked me, "Why did the creator abandon me? Who are the parents?", But at that time, I heard from an orphanage that "I protected what was abandoned." It was just information.

"I want to answer the questions of my daughters

.

"

This was the beginning of everything.

The "facts" that I thought I had found

Brian took us to a room at home for the interview.

There was a large amount of local newspapers that had been collected many times in China.

The newspaper details the gender, date of protection, health status, etc., along with a photo of the baby's face protected by the orphanage.

It was published in the newspaper by local authorities as a "public notice."

It is said that if parents do not come forward within a certain period of time, they will be adopted.

Brian found out that there were such newspapers while investigating his daughter's upbringing, and has been enthusiastic about collecting them since then.

A woman who searched for her daughter from a myriad of photographs and delivered her abandoned daughter to an orphanage was also found and talked about the situation at that time.

Brian:

"The woman told me in detail what she was wearing at the time, even when she was in a cardboard box with a baby bottle. I felt like I knew everything about her upbringing. Was

Brian who grasped the background of his daughter and thought that he played a role.

However, the situation will suddenly develop.

Despair brought about by lies

The trigger was the news that I happened to see a few years later.

It was a systematic incident in which an orphanage in Hunan Province, China, was spending money to collect babies.

In the background, you may get a lot of money if you adopt a child overseas.

It was so-called human trafficking.

"I think my daughter was abandoned, not protected, but sold."

Brian, who couldn't help but visit a Chinese orphanage again with his wife from China.

When asked again, it became clear that the original explanation of "discarded and protected" was a myth.

Brian said,

"The woman who protected her daughter said,'I'm sorry. I didn't find it.' It was totally bullshit. Even if I asked,'Why did you lie?' Once you start to lie, you have no choice but to continue to lie. "

After all, it was unclear how the daughter was sent to the orphanage, such as whether it was sold by her real parents.

Brian took over the adopted child from the pure desire to "save a child who has no relatives."

When asked about his feelings when he learned the facts, he replied after a long silence.

"I felt hopeless when I learned that my decision might not be based on the truth."

Record for 70,000 people

I think there are other cases like ourselves.

Brian was saddened, but he embarked on a large-scale investigation to get the big picture.

We ordered newspapers from all over China and created a database for each person.

The data collected over 20 years has reached more than 70,000 people.

The Brian and his wife have also begun activities to find their creator through DNA testing.

The Chinese side searched for a parent who had let go of the child and collected saliva.

Matching is done at the request of American adopted children and their families.

The number of actual parents and children identified so far is close to 100.

"Is the child protected by the orphanage sold?"

Driven by persistent suspicions, the Brian and his wife asked the identified creator how they let go of the child.

What the "distortion" of the system brought about

Then, it was a surprising fact that I could see from there.

Trafficking for monetary purposes is in some cases, and it has become clear that the "distortion" of a system is a complex background.

That system is China's one-child policy.

International adoption from China to the United States peaked in 2005.

That number is 8,000 people a year.

95% were girls.

This is due to the traditional values ​​of wanting boys in China.

Interviews with the birth parents revealed cases where the second parent, who had a boy, let go of the crying upper girl, and officials picked up the second child.

Of the approximately 100 parents who were able to hear, only one said they had abandoned their child.

Nonetheless, in each case the orphanage explained to the American host family that "the child was abandoned and protected."

His wife, Ron Ran, who is continuing the investigation with him, hesitated to answer:

Mr. Ronran

I had the pressure of "strict one-child policy. Doctors and midwives, grandparents sometimes feared a crackdown by the authorities, to the parents who bestowed a second person, to let go of the child, we were lobbying strongly. In some cases it was for money, but most were due to the distortions created by the one-child policy. "

China's one-child policy introduced to control population.

It had an unexpected effect of annoying families and adoptive children who accepted intercountry adoption in distant America.

How big is it?

How large are these cases spreading?

The exact number is unknown, but similar reports have been reported throughout China since then.

Some American families are worried that the adopted child may actually be regained, knowing that the adoptive child was actually the one that the birth parent had let go of crying.

An American family found that their adopted child had been sold to an orphanage has even called on Congress to take steps to prevent a recurrence.

A changing adoption environment

The adoption environment between the United States and China has changed significantly over the last 20 years or so.

China is rapidly becoming richer and the traditional values ​​of wanting boys are changing.

And the one-child policy was abolished in 2015.

The Chinese government has tightened the conditions for adopting children overseas, and the number of adoptions to the United States, which peaked at nearly 8,000 a year, has now dropped to one-tenth.

"We are a family"

Brian has been investigating the background of his child for nearly 20 years.

Of the three daughters, Meyrin, the third daughter, was able to find the creator.

Meyrin wasn't abandoned by her creator, but she was the second child to cry and let go.

Two years ago, Meyrin also reunited with her creator.

Meyrin looked back on her feelings at that time, choosing words.

Meyrin:

"I've always thought that my creator had abandoned me. I had feelings like anger and lived feeling that I didn't want to get involved at all. But I had to let go. I felt guilty about knowing and believing that they were terrible people, but my parents are now American parents. Even if they are not biologically connected, we are a family. "

Family photos are crammed on the walls of Brian's room.

I was proud to see the family who had been spending time together.

Although I have mixed feelings about my upbringing, the time I have spent as a family is what shapes me now.

I felt that the family photo was talking about that.

Kohei Tsuji, Washington Bureau

Joined in 2002.

After working at Tottori Bureau, International Department, Jerusalem Correspondent, Morioka Bureau, Political Department, etc., Washington Branch from July 2020.