Chinanews, Jinan, May 9th, title: Working mothers are more anxious?
Experts advise not to "override on behalf of"
Author Sun Tingting
My child’s colleague has 5 tutoring classes. Do I need to give him one more?
My child's grades have fallen. Do I have to quit my job and provide full-time counseling at home?
The child speaks clearly and is talented in language. Whether to train him to be a small host... Nowadays, the competition in education is becoming increasingly fierce, which intensifies the anxiety of working mothers.
At the same time, parents’ pension and medical issues, as well as personal promotion, have also increased the pressure on the new generation of mothers.
On the occasion of "Mother's Day" on May 9, the reporter interviewed relevant psychologists to analyze the anxiety of working mothers.
During the "May 1st" small holiday that just passed, Jinan citizen Yang Li (pseudonym) rushed for three consecutive days in the activities organized by her daughter's class.
My daughter is in the third grade of elementary school this year, and the class has successively planned activities such as garbage sorting and civilized tourism. The parents are responsible for planning plans, taking pictures, and summarizing the activities.
In Yang Li's schedule, in addition to her own work arrangements, she also needs to clearly and accurately remember the time her daughter goes to school, after school, and classes in various tutoring classes.
"Wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning, like a spinning top. As we get older, I feel that my physical strength is getting more and more unable to keep up."
Yang Li told reporters that the annual report of a shopping app on her mobile phone showed that she often shopped late at night.
"I always feel that I belong to work during the day, and I have to take care of my children after get off work. Only late at night is my own." Yang Li said that she can still clearly recall that when the child just entered the first grade, a simple pinyin was used. , She needs half an hour of counseling, but in return the child is still "confused".
"Most of the energy is devoted to the child every day, and I am always afraid that she will be compared with others. When I get older and younger, the care and medical care of my parents also makes me very anxious."
The 33-year-old Zhao Lina just finished chasing a TV series about family education, "Little Shelter". While chasing the drama, she often reflects on her own way of education by comparing the "chicken baby mother" and "Buddha mother" in the play.
Zhao Lina's 5-year-old son will be in the first grade in 2022. Right now, she is most worried about choosing a school.
Zhao Lina said that she felt that she would be a "chicken baby mother", asking herself to give her children the "best" and also asking her to be the "best" in all aspects.
Having survived the lack of parenting experience in the neonatal period, Zhang Ping, a “post-90s”, thought that she could finally be able to "Buddha". She didn't want her children to spend the morning in kindergarten and training classes, but wanted them to play more. A happy childhood.
But when she chatted with her friends, she learned that a 4-year-old child of the same age as her child had already enrolled in a number of training courses in English, painting, dancing, programming, speech and eloquence.
"I thought that the pressure of learning and competition would only intensify when children reached high school. But I didn't realize that the anxiety of parents and the atmosphere of society caused children to enter a state of tension in advance."
Zhang Ping vacillated between "losing at the starting line" and "letting children have a happy childhood". She took the children to try drawing and English lessons.
"Many of my friends said that my'Buddhism' will make my children lose on the starting line, so I must pay attention to my children's picture book reading, literacy, and arithmetic, otherwise they will not be able to keep up when they are in the first grade."
Speaking of the anxiety that working mothers are prone to, Shi Gaoyan, deputy chief physician and psychotherapist of Shandong Mental Health Center, believes that the anxiety of parents in the process of raising children is mainly mixed with too many personal expectations and human interference.
"Anxiety is a signal, which means that there is an imbalance. It is just the'tip of the iceberg' of personal emotions."
Shi Gaoyan told reporters that when it comes to educating children, women are more prone to anxiety than men.
"Mothers are more worried about their children's physical and mental health. At the same time, they must balance the relationship between work and family. Working mothers must learn to analyze rationally and deal with anxiety appropriately, which is also conducive to dealing with family relations and other issues."
Shi Gaoyan suggested that parents should not "override on their behalf" when treating their children. This is not conducive to cultivating children's sense of independence and responsibility.
In addition, parents shouldn’t be too “Buddha” and educate their children completely in a “free-range” manner. This will make their children feel insecure.
"Respect the child's personality characteristics, and moderate attention is enough. At the same time, parents must not continue to be in a state of anxiety, this emotion will be passed on to the child." Shi Gaoyan said (end)