In the show "Sans rendez-vous" on Friday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc responds to a listener, Marjorie, who says that she regularly places condoms on the bed of her 17-year-old son because she fears that he will gets a sexually transmitted infection.
Marjorie wonders how to approach her fear with her son.
Difficult for some parents to broach the subject of sexuality with their teenagers.
In the program
Sans rendez-vous
Friday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener, Marjorie, who wonders how to approach with her son the question of sexually transmitted infections.
Marjorie is afraid that her son will catch one, so she regularly leaves him condoms on her bed, without knowing about her sex life.
Marjorie's question
“I used to buy condoms and put them on my son's bed, who is 17. I don't know anything about his sex life but I'm so afraid that he will catch a serious illness! Do you think I should talk to him about it? "
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Catherine Blanc's response
“Obviously, the role of a parent is to protect his child. Simply, to protect him is not to prevent him, it is to give him all the means of his freedom. To put condoms on the bed of the teenager, it's still a curious way to act, especially since she knows nothing and the teenager has not asked her for condoms. love.
Certainly, she thus informs her son that there is a risk and that a condom is needed to protect himself from it.
But this mom, by putting condoms on the bed, also gives her child the impression that he is supposed to be sexually active, which is not very desirable since the child may not be in this timing.
And he may have the feeling that his mom is participating in his sexuality, which is not ideal in fantasy terms.
I think that this mother must first ask herself about her fears, what are the fears founded and unfounded.
Besides, why would it be up to her and not her husband to talk about it to their son?
Why is it not a conversation of men around male sexuality since the son is a boy?
And why is she afraid to tell her son about it?
How can we open the discussion?
We can say: 'I do not know where you are darling concerning your sexuality but if you need to have advice, you know that sexuality is not something trivial, that you must protect yourself and protect yourself your partner.
You know condoms are there for that.
If you can't afford it, I can buy it for you or give you money. '
This last option seems to me to be the best.
This will give him the experience of buying his condoms.
Because if not, tomorrow, when mom will not buy any more, it is not necessary that it is systematically his girlfriend who buys some for him.
Isn't it weird to leave condoms on your bed like that?
It's strange because sexuality is in essence the expression of a freedom, that of the adult, that of infidelity to parents ... It is therefore a moment of flight.
However, leaving him condoms in this way implies a kind of dependence at the very moment when the child has to leave and symbolically leave his mother and father.
It says a lot about the relationship between mother and son.
And that certainly says a lot about the mother's story on the subject.
In any case, I can only advise this mother to broach the subject with her son.
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Is it normal that the teenager does not tell him anything else?
Insofar as the parent is having difficulty putting words on the subject, how could the child have the competence?
Here, the parents kick in touch while being almost in the invitation to the sexual act which, once again, is perhaps not yet relevant for this young man.
This can then strengthen him in his doubt.
He may be like, 'I haven't had sex yet and my parents say I'm supposed to.'
However, logic wants the child to make love by saying to himself 'Oh la la!
My parents think I'm still a baby when I'm already on the adult side, I have sex. '
So I think we have to be careful not to rush things. "