Zhou Can is a social worker in the Chongqing First Social Welfare Institute.
One day, she received a call and a man asked if she could provide hospice care for his mother.
The tone on the other end of the phone was a little anxious: "Seeing my mother lying in a ward with noisy voices, doctors and nurses often cannot find anyone... I really can't bear to let her'suffer' there, and now I just want to find a quiet place. Place, spend the last time with her."
The "suffering" that this man said is indeed the status quo of most dying elderly people in the country.
Between the various needles and instruments, the pain of life and the fear of death are mixed, and time gradually takes away the last decentness of the old man in the world.
In the traditional Chinese culture of filial piety, even if they know it is futile, family members are willing to spend a lot of money and use various medical techniques to avoid the departure of their loved ones.
However, in this process, the elderly will inevitably have to endure physical pain, and it is easy for people to ignore the psychological needs of the elderly.
The hospice care originated in the United Kingdom advocates giving the dying elderly a kind of humanistic care service.
For the elderly at the end of life, in addition to medication, family members should also pay attention to the stability of their mentality and the realization of their wishes, so as to relieve the elderly's physical and mental pain.
The two concepts are not completely opposed, but one emphasizes treatment and the other emphasizes cure.
"In fact, these two concepts are not contradictory. Hospice care is not'euthanasia', and does not mean giving up treatment, but its premise is that family members and the elderly need to accept the fact that the elderly's life is at the end of life." Zhou Can said, due to Chinese traditions The cultural taboo on death only admits that the elderly are about to leave, and most people still have psychological barriers.
Social workers who dare not mention death
Five years ago, Zhou Can, who majored in social engineering, had just graduated from university.
When classmates went to work in areas such as children and adolescents, marriage counseling, etc., she chose to serve the elderly.
"I find that teenagers and children are more likely to be paid attention to, while the elderly are often ignored. But after getting along with the elderly, I think they are particularly cute. They need you and remember you well." Zhou Can said, sometimes she visits The old man will see the expectant light in his eyes.
Some old people have trembling hands and insist on grabbing a handful of candy for her.
Finally, Zhou Can got his wish and was admitted to the Chongqing First Social Welfare Institute, responsible for the newly launched hospice care services in the hospital.
What she didn't expect was that on her first day at work, Fan Jie, a senior, said to her with a tired face, "We are obviously doing good things, why no one understands?"
At that time, in order to let more people know about this service, Fan Jie would often call his family members to introduce it.
Every time she mentions the word "dying" on the phone, she often cannot wait for her to finish speaking, and the person on the other side of the phone will directly say "No need", and sometimes get "crow's mouth" "You are" "Not sick" and other fierce responses.
Later, they decided to abandon remote communication, and instead walked directly into the ward to chat face-to-face with family members and the elderly.
They also deliberately avoided words such as "dying" and "death", adopting a relatively soft and euphemistic way of expression.
"We have professional social workers in our hospital, who can come to accompany the elderly and plan some recreational activities for the elderly to prevent him from feeling alone. These are free. Do you think you need them?"
Starting from such simple questions, Zhou Can and Fan Jie slowly had the opportunity to get in touch with the elderly.
For a long period of time, they will serve first and then inform.
After obtaining the consent of their family members, they would go to the ward to chat with the elderly from time to time, and write down the needs of the elderly during the chat, so as to provide targeted services.
Some old people used to be soldiers, so they put some relatively gentle military songs in the room; some old people like to read books, so they read newspapers; some old people like to dance, so they invite volunteers to perform... these often You also need to cooperate with doctors, nurses, and nurses.
"We are a team providing services, and we will make the service as detailed as possible. For example, we will ask the caregiver to gently hold the elderly's hand when delivering meals to the elderly, to greet the elderly more, and try to stay in front of the elderly's bed as much as possible. More than 30 seconds." Zhou Can said.
In addition to daily companionship and recreational activities, they also provide life education to the elderly.
They often do not directly talk about life and death, but introduce related topics through media such as movies, music, plants and so on.
"Sometimes, we will put a pot of plants in front of the old man’s bed and observe its growth and aging together with the old man. Through conversations with the old man, we can gradually understand the old man’s views on life and death, so as to give some guidance and guidance, so that the old man’s mentality will be slowed down. There is a change." Zhou Can said.
Having talked about this, Zhou Can also admitted that, in fact, their own attitude towards death has also undergone a process of transformation.
Before the death of an old man without children, Zhou Can and Fan Jie needed to go to the elderly ward to hand over with the nursing staff.
When they reached the door, they saw the silhouette of the old man lying on the bed, and they dared not enter the door for a long time.
Zhou Can recalled that a resistance and fear of death instinct emerged in her heart at that time.
Later, the seniors in the courtyard showed up in time and took them through the entire handover process.
"We are working here, and it is inevitable to deal with'death'." The words of the predecessors woke them up.
Facing death is part of their work.
After that, whenever the old people serving leave, they will take the initiative to ask their family members if they need them to go to the funeral home to send the elderly the last time.
Seeing off is actually not part of the service content of hospice care, but they have maintained this habit for so many years.
Their intentions are also seen by their families.
Whenever family members came to thank them, they took the opportunity to say that this is actually a kind of hospice service.
With such patience and care, they have opened up the hearts of family members and the elderly little by little.
What the old man wants is not much
Now, Zhou Can has been in this business for 5 years, and his family and friends know a general idea.
However, they still don't understand the specific content of Zhou Can's work, and sometimes they have some dramatic conjectures.
"Is the old man's wish, as stated in the movie, to see his first love for the last time? Or to travel far away?" Faced with these questions, Zhou Can couldn't laugh or cry.
Zhou Can explained: "Reality is not as passionate and energetic as movies. The wishes of the elderly are often simple and small things."
There used to be an extremely poor old man in the orphanage who was "homeless, helpless, and without a source of life". His condition was in a hurry and his life was on the countdown.
Zhou Can came to the old man's bed and asked him if he had any unfulfilled wishes.
Zhou Can thought that the old man would want to see a relative or friend, but he didn't expect that the old man only said a word.
"I want to have a bite of fresh orange."
Zhou Can was hit by these words.
The old people have a hard life and rarely enjoy life.
There are many fresh oranges. For most people, it may be just a humble drink on the supermarket shelf.
But for the elderly, more fresh oranges may mean a comfortable and even luxurious life that he has never experienced.
At that time, Zhou Can immediately linked the resources and contacted a caring person to donate a box of fresh oranges.
During that time, it was very difficult for the elderly to eat and could only rely on liquid food to maintain their lives.
Fresh oranges have become the "staple food" for the elderly.
After drinking one box, Zhou Can linked another box.
When the old man left, most of the oranges in the second box hadn't been finished, and more than half were left.
"Sometimes, we even think we can do more." Zhou Can said, but sometimes we think good is not necessarily what the elderly want.
They don't really want much, and some small things are enough to touch their hearts.
Zhou Can once came to an old man with poor hearing with full confidence and said that she had successfully linked a hearing aid for the old man.
Zhou Can thought the old man would be happy, but he didn't expect the old man to come directly: "I don't want it."
Although puzzled, Zhou Can did not ask more, but continued to read newspapers and chat with the elderly.
After a long time, after Zhou Can walked into the old man's heart, the old man said his wish: burning a bowl for life.
The young Zhou Can didn't know what a burning shou bowl was at the time.
After asking the nursing staff, Zhou Can learned that cooking bowls is a custom for senior citizens to celebrate their birthdays. The elderly will gift bowls with his name and birthday to those who come to worship, hoping that the recipients can get some old birthday stars. Blessing.
It turns out that compared to expensive hearing aids, the elderly want to keep their love before they leave.
Zhou Can then met with the elderly's family members.
On the old man's birthday, all his family members came, and the four generations were in the same house.
The old man gathered his last strength and shook hands with everyone.
A few days after the birthday, in the early morning, after the carer finished washing and dressing the old man, the old man left calmly.
"Just like everyone has marriage and love needs and employment needs, dying elderly people also have spiritual needs. They need companionship, and they also have small wishes in their hearts and look forward to being fulfilled." Zhou Can said that these needs are often not like physical illnesses and can be clear. To be seen by everyone.
But precisely because they are not easy to detect, they deserve more attention.
Although what Zhou Can and his colleagues are doing is small, these small actions are like a small beam of light falling into the hearts of old people, illuminating another beam of light deep in their hearts, so that the old people’s hearts can enjoy After a moment of youth, I felt a little beating.
Life will have an end, but these glimmers will not disappear.
(Chen Qingbing)