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We spend our lives running from one place to another and, when we stop, we 'need' to be entertained so as
not to think too much
.
Moreover, it is even difficult for us to fall asleep if we do not listen to the radio or a television series in the background that
'distract' us from our worries
.
Why is it so difficult for us to stop?
"Basically, because
they have not taught us to do it
. In this highly competitive world, just as before was associated with having, now being is related with doing. Today we need to emulate that tireless bunny from the battery advertisement because being in continuous movement is synonymous with strength, vitality and youth ", assures Isabel Serrano-Rosa, director and psychologist of EnPositivoSí.
In his opinion, "doing excites us because we feel that we are
moving towards the future
, that we
are
moving
forward."
On the contrary, if we do not, "we are lazy and lazy that we are not going to get anywhere."
It is a
vicious cycle
: "This dizzying activity (towards which we also drag our children) causes us stress that, by generating
adrenaline
, makes it even more difficult for us to stop".
Moreover, many use this strategy as a flight forward "to
avoid states of depression
in a way that is much better valued by a
society that tolerates vulnerability very poorly,
especially if it is ours."
Doing things becomes "a defensive mechanism that produces a
feeling of omnipotence
."
Braking, on the other hand, places us in front of the aspects of our life that are not going well: "Stopping helps us to reflect and plan our objectives but we see it as an action that
will put us in contact with what does not work
and how we live In a deeply narcissistic society, we don't feel like that at all.
If we don't like it, we prefer not to look at it
. "
For Andrés Martín Asuero, founder and director of the Esmindfulness Institute (Barcelona), in addition to the cultural conditioning factors on the value of doing things, "the
emergence of mobile devices
has caused this activity to multiply because now we can do things, work and leisure, anywhere and at all times ".
To all this must be added "the presence of
social networks
, the desire to be seen and the fear of missing something, which is a new type of anxiety (FOMO, in English)".
The
consumer
, of course, is also "a great motivating force for the pursuit of pleasure."
So, with all this cocktail, the frenetic activity has become "an easy resource to be entertained and
prevent thoughts of loneliness, emptiness or sadness from entering our minds
."
OUT OF SIGHT...
Why are we so hesitant to be alone with ourselves?
Serrano-Rosa explains: "Many people do not know how to stop because they lack the connection with their interior. They are strangers to themselves."
There is, he continues, a way of dealing with stress that consists of trying
"not to be aware of how we feel
."
It's as if, when we stop, we really realize "what's wrong with us and get
in touch with our frustration
."
Working long hours can also be "a
cover to hide relationship problems
or simply a way of neglecting ourselves, of not wanting to realize that we are not fulfilling our dreams" and indicates "an inability to self-regulate," he adds.
But why should we strive to do nothing?
"Because we need to focus on our subjective part.
Our best actions are born from the inside out
, from an ego-syntonic relationship. Stopping gives us the possibility to reflect on what we are doing, which will help us to be more effective and plan much better. ".
In this way, we will have the feeling that "we are in command, that we are capable of self-regulation, that we can choose between standing or moving."
This
ability to choose
is typical of "a mature person" and will also help us "to
be more flexible
, because gaining perspective gives us the opportunity to consider another approach."
Stopping doing so many things also has to do with the development of cognitive abilities, memory, attention ... "In doing so, the fast system, the limbic, is stopped and the slow system is activated, which has to do with the cortex. frontal".
Experiencing that we can stop emotional impulses will make us feel "with
more self-esteem and worth
."
For Asuero, one of the experts participating in Diana's application, the Castilian voice meditation and mindfulness 'skill' launched by Planeta with the support of Amazon Alexa, that fear of finding ourselves depends "on people and their trajectories ".
In his view, "we all want something a little better than what we have and are looking for."
However, "the solution is not always stop and think (which for me remains 'do something'), but at certain times,
turn off that mind 'doing' mode to activate the 'BE'.
This has to do with relating in a different way with what is happening to us, in an open, curious, relaxed, trusting and spontaneous way. It is a
relationship of intimacy with our life
, as it unfolds at that moment, without wishing it to be different, without wanting to achieve anything (not even happiness, which is already there). It is like having a moment of falling in love with our life, feeling - unquestionably - that
being alive is already a miracle
".
The question is: how do we get that reconnection?
"Doing things that, not for known, are less effective, such as
being aware of the present when eating or even breathing.
Listening to others also helps us to be in contact with ourselves. Dedicate moments in the morning, for example, to
reflecting, praying or writing a journal
are also good ways to reconnect, "recommends Isabel Serrano-Rosa.
"This is easier said than giving concrete indications of how to achieve it, of course, but those who know
Mindfulness and other contemplative practices
already know what I mean. It is also experienced in some moments by artists, creators and people with great hearts who they act compassionately in the world. It is not a question of completely leaving the 'DO' mode, of course, but of knowing when it is more interesting to
live from the 'BE' mode
", concludes Martín Asuero.
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