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I want to start the 2021 “Let's Dance” season with an all-purpose weapon from the sports reporter phrase pig: It's done.
Every football commentator says this sentence several times a week.
This is usually followed by a boring to below-average grotto kick.
This is what football law wants it to be, or as Gary Lineker once said: "Football is a simple game: 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and in the end Schalke 04 always loses".
Or something like that.
Today the sentence fits like the famous fist on the eye.
And that, although we are not even in "celebrity boxes".
The celebrity density is higher in every falafel stall in Berlin-Friedrichshain than on the dance floor in Cologne-Ossendorf.
But this year the participants are at least very diverse.
There are singers, presenters, the obligatory GZSZ candidate, the athletes, the model, aging grand seigneurs and even the half-sister of Barack Obama.
Auma Obama, by the way, surprisingly speaks better German than two thirds of the jury.
Another highlight for real “Let's Dance” fans: Massimo Sonató won't be there this year.
And he didn't even need a Telegram group for that.
Traditionally, Jorge González starts the season with an overall outfit that makes Olivia Jones' costumes look like Frank-Walter Steinmeier's confirmation suit.
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Even the current lockdown for hairdressers has not thwarted his preference for extravagant hairstyles.
Fortunately, he found an old straw broom in my grandma's attic, which he braided himself into his head as an extension pony.
Or is it one of those bamboo brooms that always come with Matcha tea gift sets that I always thought were scalp massage devices.
Under his yellow kimono he wears a red borate swimsuit to match his mop pony.
As a total work of art, maybe also a nice inspiration for the makeover for “Germany's Next Top Model” in the coming week.
As for the field of dance aspirants, the contenders for the dance star 2021 will be presented in small groups.
The first are Ilse deLange, Valentina Pahnde and Rúrik Gíslason.
Ilse speaks with that typical Dutch gibberish accent.
It can therefore be assumed that she will take over the co-moderation here in two to three years.
Valentina is already the second graduate from Pahde, because twin sister Cheyenne made it to the seventh show in 2017.
We'll see in show eight whether Valentina not only got the better first name, but also the greater talent for dancing.
Rúrik looks like Paul Janke, but can dance.
As a professional footballer, the Icelander even took part in a World Cup in 2018, while he played everyday for Nuremberg and Sandhausen.
It's a bit like HP Baxxter getting an Oscar for his role in the Hyperino commercial.
Fortunately, Rúrik is a man, because what goes on in the social media comment columns during his appearance would trigger a new #MeToo record for a woman.
This week there will certainly be a hail of marriage proposals in the fan mail and I have to admit: So far, I only knew the urgent need for it from sex and not from watching someone dance.
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That even makes head grumbler Joachim Llambi very fuzzy.
After Rúrik's dance performance, the jury chairman recorded: “Sometimes you stand between your legs”.
Whatever that means: the majority of female viewers would definitely like to stand between their legs every now and then.
And experience has shown that Jorge is not a food lover when sex appeal strolls through the Ossendorfer dance halls.
Surprisingly, however, his focus is on Valentina, to whom he writes in the application book: "You bite like a Cuban woman but in blonde!" Please?
In Bonn?
Oh, blond.
Like Jorge's dummy pony.
In addition, Lola Weippert, Senna Gammour and Kim Riekenberg show their initial dance skills in the girl power group.
Kim is the third German who has made it into the world-famous "Sports Illustrated" in swimwear, which was also the breakthrough for Heidi Klum.
She has a striking Michael Schumacher chin, but she is taller, prettier and sexier and has never had to go to the botox alley before.
At Senna's I had briefly thought on the promo poster at the start of the season, oh look: Lisha simply stayed in the foyer of RTL after the “summer house of the stars” ended until she was allowed to take part again somewhere.
The candidates: Vanessa Neigert, Rùrik Gislason, Kim Riekenberg, Valentina Pahde, Kai Ebel, Auma Obama and Mickie Krause (vlonru)
Source: TVNOW / Photo: TVNOW
Then there are Kai Ebel, Jan Hofer, Mickie Krause, Vanessa Neigert, Auma Obama, Nicolas Puschmann, Simon Zachenhuber and Erol Sander, the pensioner clique from the dance bingo residence.
None of the trio turns out to be really big favorites, especially the man with the most tasteless shirts on German television, since Thomas Gottschalk no longer moderated “Wetten Dass”, triggers destruction mode on Joachim Llambi.
He gives Kai the worst of all ratings, the "1".
Very few people in particular know Simon Zachenhuber.
He is a professional boxer and says about himself: "My greatest successes are 12 professional victories, six of them by knockout" - and of course that doesn't even include the upcoming knockouts for Joachim Llambi.
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Otherwise there are traditionally no gigantic highlights in the get-to-know show, except perhaps during Joachim Llambi's first excursion to the Zoten department, when he announced his disappointment to Kim, Senna and Lola: "I expected more down there".
This is understandable, because everyone knows: "Salsa comes from within".
Which is good, because it is now just under 2 degrees outside.
Especially Senna and Kim can't convince him, at least today.
His trained gaze immediately identifies: "Senna was a little too far behind the weight".
Yes, and Llambi is usually a bit too far below the standard.
Senna agrees and addresses a brief warning: "Brother, I kiss your heart".
So it cannot be ruled out that Joachim Llambi will wake up next morning next to a horse's head.
Kim Riekenberg is particularly fond of it.
He thinks she is “a beautiful woman, but that's all there is to it.
She has to come out of herself more ”.
To become Kim Quiekenberg, so to speak.
I am sure she can do that.
At the latest with the Quiek-Snap.
Also present: Nicolas Puschmann, Ilse DeLange, Jan Hofer, Erol Sander, Senna Gammour, Simon Zachenhuber and Lola Weippert (vlonru)
Source: TVNOw / Photo: TVNOW
What is also noticeable during the group dances is that RTL in the federal election year the groups in red (Valentina, Ilse, Rúrik), green (Kim, Lola, Senna), yellow (Nicolas, Vanessa) and black (Auma, Kai, Simon, Erol, Jan and Mickie) line up.
The result is quite clear: the SPD will provide the new chancellor.
At least if the RTL dance oracle is right, because Team Rot clears up mightily: Valentina wins the jury rating, Rúrik the audience vote.
Double victory for social democracy.
At the end of the day, professional dancer Christian Polanc can choose his partner as the winner of the 2020 professional challenge.
His choice falls on "Rohdiamant" Lola Weippert.
RTL allocates the rest.
And the Cologne dance station of the hearts decides for Senna Gammour and Robert Beitsch, Vanessa Neigert and Alexandru Ionel, Nicolas Puschmann and Vadim Garbuzov, Valentina Pahde and Valentin Lusin, Ilse DeLange and Evgeny Vinokurov, Kim Riekenberg and Pasha Zvychaynyy, Auma Obama and Andrzej Cibis, Rúrik Gíslason and Renata Lusin, Mickie Krause and Malika Dzumaev, Erol Sander and Marta Arndt, Kai Ebel and Kathrin Menziger, Jan Hofer and Christina Luft as well as Simon Zachenhuber and Patricija Belousova.
Relief afterwards at home - especially with Luca Hänni.
Last year he first reached the final at the side of Christina Luft and then won Christina's heart and panic for a moment, Luft might have to spend the next few months with the Icelandic supermodel footballer in light clothes and sweaty.
That's how it started with him.
Professional newcomer Patricija Belousova also enters the race almost as euphorically.
Patricija was once Miss Lithuania.
Hopefully “Let's Dance” will last longer than Cathy Hummels back then.
Cathy was once Miss FC Bayern, but had to go home after the first week.
At the end of the day, Rúrik Gíslason wins the Golden Ticket, which shows a first clear tendency for whom the majority of the audience is ready to call.
Rúrik is now saved on Friday, in the first regular show, where the first celebrity will be sent back home.
That means as much as that he cannot be elected, even if he should be by far the last on the table.
If you have to hang up your dance shoes after a week instead, I'll tell you here next Saturday!
Tanz-Marie with jury member Motsi Mabuse
Source: Marie von den Benken
Marie von den Benken is on Twitter and Instagram as @Regendelfin, she is from Hamburg, model and author. In addition, she writes every week on ICONIST about the big and small dramas in “Germany's Next Top Model” and “Let's Dance”. On Friday, February 26th, the 14th season "Let's Dance" starts at 8:15 pm on RTL and can also be seen on TVNow.
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