In "Sans Rendez-vous", sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to Johanna, an auditor who wonders about the compromises necessary in a romantic relationship.

Her sister is adamant about the number of children she wants and this has scared off several of her companions. 

Who has never fantasized about their future life?

Whether or not you have children, move to an unfamiliar city or stay at home, enjoy a healthy solitude or have a life partner ... But by getting involved in a romantic relationship, we often have to accept compromises to make our dreams coincide with those of our partner.

Thursday in

Sans rendez-vous

, the sex therapist Catherine Blanc recalls that it can be deleterious to have a too fixed idea of ​​our ambitions and our objectives: at the beginning of a relationship, this can scare the potential partner. 

Johanna's question 

I have noticed that my 26 year old sister has a really hard time finding love.

At the same time, she often frightens men.

After a month of dating, she told her latest boyfriend that she wanted four children and that it was non-negotiable.

Result: he left her.

How can you help her understand that it takes time and compromise in love?

Catherine Blanc's response

Johanna's sister knows what she wants beyond the other.

This is the whole difficulty.

Having a project is obviously legitimate.

But opposite there is a man who either does not have the same project, or would like to feed a concert project and not a project already written.

This being the case, we can also wonder if the goal is not in fact to scare him a little.

When we say to ourselves that we cannot find a soul mate but that as soon as we arrive in a relationship we rush to expose "non-negotiable" projects, it makes you wonder if you have any really want.

We can say to ourselves that this is a way of testing this man.

There is an element of aggression or provocation.

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To say that it is non-negotiable is also not to rely on the reality of life and biology.

It is also possible that Johanna's sister is stuck in the role of a grandmother, mother, sister who had four children.

Firmness can show a way of being dominant over the other, or a certain firmness with respect to oneself, which has pushed us to draw a very rigid course of action.

But I find that it augurs great sadness.

It is not so much the problem of the other, who accepts or does not accept.

What worries me is this willingness to write what she wanted or needed to be to be a successful woman.

If by any chance that didn't happen, she would feel great pain, everything would collapse.