No mention of homework. Mother, kind child, filial piety, mention homework.
Get out of the vicious circle of family education
"Don't mention homework mothers who are kind and filial, but just mention homework."
"Some parents are afraid of their children all day long. As long as their children don't study and obey, they can't hold back the fire."
"Some parents kept their mouths on the'children of other people' and kept pressing their children, as if they would not report their children to classes, they were embarrassed to say hello."
"Some parents actively join various groups, hoping to find'a fresh trick' and find a'golden rule', but the results often backfire..."
At the Family Education Sub-forum of the 7th Annual Meeting of the China Education Thirty Forum held not long ago, the topic of Chinese parents’ education anxiety was frequently mentioned. What is behind this anxiety and how to eliminate it, Become the main topic discussed by participating experts and scholars.
The first key word that Bian Yufang, director of the Institute of Mental Health and Education of Beijing Normal University, thought of family education was "anxiety."
In 2018, Beijing Normal University, where she worked, released a report entitled "National Survey of Family Education", which surveyed nearly 200,000 fourth- and eighth-grade children and their head teachers across the country.
The results show that the eighth grade students feel that their parents have higher expectations for their performance. 45.9% of the fourth grade students believe that their parents want to get the "top three in the class", and 42.7% of the eighth grade students think that their parents want to get it. "Top ten in the class".
"Our parents always think that it’s good for children to learn well! This starting point is undoubtedly the heart of being a parent, but the problem is that when we only ask for children to learn, we also ask children to do well in learning' 'Extraordinary', at this time our children may become'abnormal'." Bian Yufang said.
Having been engaged in youth research for nearly 30 years, Sun Yunxiao, the chief expert on family education at the China Youth Research Center, feels very similar to Bian Yufang. He thinks of family education as "childhood panic".
Many years ago, Sun Yunxiao issued an appeal: beware of childhood panic.
He said that childhood panic made life difficult to grow, even distorted and destroyed.
And behind the "childhood panic" of children is actually "parental panic".
In his view, with the continuous improvement of people's living conditions, people's expectations for education are increasing, hoping to provide children with the best quality education, but different families have very different understandings of quality education.
Some family education has gone out of style, falling into the misunderstanding of “schooling” and “knowledge” of family education.
As a result, the family has become a school, and the parents have become teachers. The focus is on learning and skills.
"This deviates from the fundamental purpose and main task of family education." Sun Yunxiao said that the essence of family education is life education. A child needs knowledge education as well as life education.
Only when these two educations are fully integrated and supported and cooperated will there be a healthy, harmonious and developing child.
So why are parents so concerned about their children's learning and so anxious?
Some people think that an unavoidable reason is that some school teachers "transferred" part of the task of correcting homework and teaching children knowledge to parents. After a day of exhaustion, parents have to deal with their children and "heavy" homework, and it is inevitable that they are exhausted. , Produce anxiety.
But in Bian Yufang’s view, the reason why parents are so anxious and care about their children’s learning is that they are always afraid that their children will have no way out in the future. The better the academic performance, the better the future growth.
"The deep-seated reason is that parents do not understand the child's growth law, lack of understanding of what stage the child cultivates and what ability, what stage to learn, what not to learn, and do not know the child's growth needs, nor can they enter the child's inner world. "Bian Yufang said.
She used children from 0 to 6 as an example. What do these children need to learn?
"Think about how we grow up from 0 to 6 years old. It happens to be free to play. Quite a lot of exercise is in line with the growth of children." Bian Yufang said. A large number of studies have shown that children between 0 and 6 need outdoor sports. Time, including 1 hour of physical exercise and 3 hours of free play.
In her view, children have many growth needs in their growth. They are looking for the meaning of life, knowing the value of their lives, they have the need to interact with others, and they have to prove in many aspects of life that they "I can They are first of all a person, not a container of knowledge and a learning machine. They need an abundance of life, not the repetition of simple lives such as "eating", "learning" and "sleeping".
According to Liu Changming, the principal of Beijing Financial Street Runze School, parents are more and more interfering in their children's lives, and children may lack independence. This is a problem with family education.
Adults always think that children are small, that they cannot do without their parents, and that children depend on their parents, making them more and more dependent on their parents, and parents are increasingly interfering in their children’s lives, imposing adult ideas on their children, and falling into Vicious circle.
A typical example is that many parents think that getting good grades and getting into a good school is the top priority for their children.
It’s not too late to develop interest after the exam, and do other things of interest.
Therefore, when the children's interests are inconsistent with the parents' wishes, most parents will find ways to make the children obey the will of the adults, or force or induce them.
But in Liu Changming's view, interest is the result of brain development. Many studies have shown that interest will weaken or even disappear after a certain stage.
"So my suggestion is that as long as children's interests are healthy, we should encourage them. Life without interest is dull. When the learning certificate becomes a common feature for everyone, interests and specialties become the value of one's social existence. . If you have unique social values, there will be no competition with others, and there will be no anxiety.” Liu Changming said.
In his view, the anxiety of many parents is that they fear that their children will be overtaken by "other people's children" in terms of skills, thinking that if they are overtaken by others, they are losing at the starting line.
In fact, what parents need to consider should not be whether the child loses at the starting line, but whether the child will be left behind after 10,000 meters or 20,000 meters, and whether they will be able to adapt to this rapid change in 10 or 20 years. The world and society.
What kind of education view is most conducive to the development of children?
Sun Yunxiao believes that there is no doubt that we must proceed from the reality of children, respect the characteristics of children's physical and mental development and their personal potential.
In Sun Yunxiao's view, the genius chose the path that suits him, and the stupidity chose the path that was not suitable for him.
Good education makes people obtain freedom, happiness, and realization of their potential. This is the essence of education.
Children are very different, and their potentials are also very different.
Children's education is to discover, liberate and develop children.
As a scholar, Bian Yufang has been asked more than once, "Is there any trick to educating children", and her answer is usually "no".
"If you have to find one, then it is much more important to make your child a normal person than to simply become a learning'supernormal'. Let them have human emotions, be grateful to their loved ones, and compassionate to others; They have basic life perception ability, emotion regulation ability, anti-frustration ability...to cultivate children in a human way. This is the biggest trick." Bian Yufang said.
China Youth Daily·China Youth Daily reporter Qiu Chenhui Source: China Youth Daily