Heart knot entwined with purple ribbon
Xiong Dingyu's phone is a pen.
When he wanted to call his mother, he wrote down what he had to say.
Such secret thoughts lasted for many years, and now the 17-year-old young man still remembers his mood at that time.
After his parents divorced, his grandparents refused to let him see his mother and forbid him to talk to her mother.
Not long ago, the host and football commentator Zhang Mohan spoke on Weibo, saying that her husband and sprinter Zhang Peimeng forcibly took away her 11-month-old daughter during their separation. She was separated from the child for 52 days.
The incident caused heated discussion among netizens, and a group called "Purple Ribbon Moms" appeared in front of the public.
These women had similar experiences with Xiong Dingyu's mothers: some were granted visitation rights, but they were unable to visit their children; some obtained custody rights, but the children were taken away and hidden by the other party... They were a group of mothers who could not see their children.
Following the purple ribbon, the symbol of the American anti-violence movement, they call themselves "Purple Ribbon Moms."
This group is active on the WeChat official account, Weibo and Douyin and other online platforms, shooting voice videos, writing joint letters, and opposing the behavior of snatching and hiding children.
In 2019, Chen Haiyi, deputy to the National People's Congress and head of the Juvenile Family Tribunal of the Guangzhou Intermediate People's Court, told the media, “As long as the divorce disputes brought before the court have children, 100% of them involve the custody and visitation rights of the children. Among them, at least half of them will hide children for various reasons."
Zhang Jing, a marriage lawyer and a part-time tutor of the School of Law of China University of Political Science and Law, also found in his research that about 11% of the more than 700 judgments and rulings involving custody and visitation rights on the Chinese Judgment Document Online have reported that one of their parents has hidden their children. Situation, most of which are implemented by the father.
"In fact, the number should be more than this. Some judgments have ruled that it was not made public due to the need to protect privacy, or the court did not record this situation." There are various reasons for snatching and hiding children. For example, Want to obtain child custody to occupy an advantageous position in the division of property.
This means that in some parental wars, children become pawns.
Separate
Julie is active in the "Purple Ribbon Moms" group.
In 2016, during the divorce proceedings between her and her ex-husband, the man took away her 5-year-old son.
Later, the court awarded Julie the custody of the child, but the man refused to enforce it.
In 4 years, Julie has only seen her child twice, and the son in her dream is always the same as before the age of 5.
Julie remembers that on the day she filed for divorce, her husband took his son and left when she went to work.
She thought that he might go back to his hometown, and eventually found the father and son in the hotel next to the station.
In a recording file provided by Julie, in the hotel room, the adults were arguing and the children were crying.
Julie recalled that her husband asked the child to follow him, dragged and pulled, and broke the glass to jump off the building.
At that time, Julie took the child home.
She negotiated with her husband: "Don't take the child away without my consent." He agreed, but took the child back to her hometown after she went to work.
This is a long parting.
Even if Julie knew where the child was, she would not see it.
The child was hidden in the grandparent's house, and she searched for it several times to no avail.
She speculated that as long as she pressed the doorbell on the next floor, the child would be quickly transferred to the neighbor's house.
At that time, Julie had no knowledge of the relevant laws, and her husband took the initiative.
The "Several Specific Opinions on the Handling of Child Support Issues in the People's Courts Trial of Divorce Cases" promulgated in 1993 stipulated: "Children under two years of age generally live with their mother... For children over two years of age, both father and mother require In their lives, the children live with one party for a long time, and changing the living environment is obviously detrimental to the healthy growth of the children. Priority can be given." Under such circumstances, snatching and hiding children has become one of the means for some parents to fight for custody.
Hou Xuebin, a professor at the Law School of Jilin University, wrote in the "Procuratorate Daily" on July 9 this year, "The inheritance needs and emotional attachment of family blood are the motives for the frequent phenomenon of robbing and hiding children." This emotion is not limited to parents, children. His grandparents and grandfather will also have "strong support demands."
Hou Xuebin also pointed out that obtaining child custody may mean obtaining an advantageous position in property division.
Some parents who snatch and hide their children use their children as a bargaining chip to obtain more benefits in the division of divorce property.
Wan Lamei, a woman from Zhenjiang, Jiangsu, has been separated from her child three times.
The first time was in 2009, when the husband’s house was demolished and his son was just two years old.
Wan Lamei said that her husband and in-laws wanted her to "false divorce" out of interest.
She disagreed and took the child back to her natal home, but the child was eventually snatched away by her father.
There is another version of the story in Wan Lamei’s husband Zhang Yilong.
He said that because of the conflict between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he slapped Wan Lamei and Wan Lamei took the child back to her natal home.
He felt, "At least the son was born to me and cannot be abducted by you", so he took his son and left. "There is no premeditated plan to grab the son."
Less than a year after their divorce, the two remarried and gave birth to a daughter in 2014.
In April 2018, Wan Lamei sued for divorce in an attempt to fight for the custody of his daughter. Zhang Yilong insisted that the relationship did not break down. The court finally concluded that "the relationship between the two parties has not completely broken down and there is still a possibility of reconciliation" and did not sentence it.
Before the end of the year, Zhang Yilong had taken away both children.
Until now, they are still accusing each other, insisting that each other has not taken good care of their children.
In the past two years, Wan Lamei has only seen her daughter once.
Search
In April 2017, Julie found her son in a kindergarten in Wenzhou through various inquiries.
She remembered crying a lot, and her son comforted her, "I miss you too".
The little boy said to his mother while changing his shoes: "Grandpa and grandma said you took all the money."
The mother and the son were separated for 245 days, and only got together for more than 10 minutes.
Because the kindergarten teacher was greeted in advance, as long as he saw Julie, he had to notify the father of the child.
The man who had heard the news quarreled with Julie again, and left the child on his back.
Watching her son sobbing on his father's shoulder, Julie didn't want the child to experience such a scene again.
She resisted the urge to see the children and changed to writing letters, sometimes buying some daily necessities, books, and fruits, which she asked the teacher to pass on.
"I want him to know that his mother has always loved him and didn't want him."
Mothers who can't find a child usually find their neighbors and acquaintances to find out the whereabouts of the child, but because the other party is very cautious, few people succeed.
Wan Lamei and Julie were afraid that their faces would arouse alertness, and both asked others to inquire about their children.
In order to avoid the other party's search, the party hiding the child is more careful, and some even prevent the child from going out.
Under the "Purple Ribbon Mom" hot post on Weibo, some netizens left a message: "My parents were divorced in elementary school, and they were sentenced to my dad. They checked their mobile phones every day, and they were forced to carry a locator in their bag to prevent me from seeing them. mom."
When Xiong Dingyu was 5 years old, his parents divorced and custody was awarded to his father. He lives with his grandparents and "does not see his father several times a year".
He remembered that sometimes when his mother called and wanted to pick him up, his grandmother pinched his hand under the table, "Let me say I don't want to leave."
My mother came to knock on the door and wanted to see him. Grandma didn't open the door or let him out.
Xiong Dingyu misses his mother very much, but he is still too young and does not have a mobile phone. He has his grandfather to accompany him to and from school.
If he wanted to say anything to his mother, he wrote it down in a small notebook as a call to his mother.
He always remembered his mother's mobile phone number. When he was in third grade, his grandfather stopped picking him up. He used his pocket money to secretly talk and call. Only then did the mother and son get in touch.
Wang Jianna, the "Purple Ribbon Mother" in Tianjin, thinks that her daughter should have lost her mother's existence.
In 2017, Wang Jianna's 6-month-old daughter was taken away by her father.
The surveillance video of the community showed that three or four people pushed one to the ground, and the woman on the ground was Wang Jianna.
"A few people broke my arms and snatched the baby from my hand."
The parents had a wedding but they did not register the marriage.
According to media reports, Wang Jianna’s ex-boyfriend said that the child was ill, but the woman stopped the treatment and discharged the child. “For the health and safety of the child, my family and I had no choice but to take the child back from Wang Jianna. ".
Wang Jianna denied this statement, "This is nonsense, he has not taken care of the child's illness."
Reporters from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily made calls according to the man's contact information provided by them, and most of them heard the prompts that they had been shut down or were empty.
In the surveillance video, Ms. Guo, a boyfriend who had participated in the "snatching of children", said she would not accept interviews.
In 3 years, Wang Jianna has never seen a child.
At the beginning, she squatted near the man's house. The trash thrown by the other's front feet was picked up by her back feet, "see if there are any baby supplies", but she never found anything.
Now, her daughter has grown up a lot. During the custody lawsuit, Wang Jianna asked her father to provide a few recent photos of her child. "But to put it bluntly, the changes are so great that I don't dare to recognize it anymore."
Dilemma
After the child was taken away, some mothers tried to call the police, but the result was often that the case could not be opened.
Attorney Zhang Jing explained that as long as there is no fighting, it cannot be regarded as a public security dispute; in addition, if a child is taken away by his biological parents, it is not a case of human trafficking or unknown whereabouts.
As one of the public interest lawyers assisting the "Purple Ribbon Mother", Zhang Jing has come into contact with many similar cases.
She found that most of the acts of snatching and hiding children occurred in marriage lawsuits where domestic violence existed. The generation of grandparents often participated in this behavior and raised their children.
It's useless to report to the police, you can only sue the court.
However, Zhang Jing said that the act of snatching and hiding the children has no relevant cause and can only be sued for divorce. However, in the process of suing for divorce, in order to consolidate the results of snatching the children, the other party will generally adopt delaying tactics, claiming that the relationship is not broken. Disagree to divorce.
According to Article 32 of the Marriage Law, “the people’s courts shall conduct mediation when trying divorce cases; if the relationship is indeed broken, the mediation shall be invalid, the divorce shall be granted.” If no strong evidence can be provided to prove the breakdown of the relationship, the court will generally not support the litigation request .
The Women’s Federation, which is often asked by the mother for help, is not a law enforcement unit and has no law enforcement power.
Julie thought about "taking the child back". This idea is "cyclical."
But she always remembered that when her ex-husband took her son away for the first time, her son was terrified.
She was worried about her child, "still want to take him back safely through legal means."
In October 2017, based on Zhu Li’s economic conditions, educational background better than the man’s husband, and factors such as stable job, property ownership, and deep mother-child relationship, it was confirmed that the child had been living in Nanjing from birth to when he was taken away by the man. After Li was raised, the People's Court of Qixia District, Nanjing City, Jiangsu Province made a first-instance judgment: The child was directly raised by Julie... Julie paid the man the property division money of 82,6142.9 yuan.
The son is already in elementary school, and Julie asks the head teacher to go to school to watch the children.
The teacher was also embarrassed, saying that the child might tell his father and grandparents.
On one occasion, Julie's son participated in a school spring outing and went home but said he was out to play with his mother. His father brought someone to the school to make noise.
Julie kept begging and finally got the teacher's approval.
This time I met for an hour, and my son asked her carefully: "Mom, can I tell other classmates that my mother came to see me?"
In November 2017, Julie’s ex-husband refused to accept the judgment of the first instance and filed an appeal. In January 2018, the court of second instance held that “the direct support of Julie was not improper” and upheld the original judgment.
Julie breathed a sigh of relief, but just as she was about to pick up the child, she received a message from the teacher saying that her son had been transferred and the student had stayed at the original school, but the person had disappeared.
Julie can't find out the whereabouts of her child through the education system, or even know whether her son is in school.
In August 2018, the local public security agency filed a case against Julie’s ex-husband on the criminal charge of “refusal to execute the sentence or conviction”. As the criminal law did not clearly explain whether the crime of refusal can be used for custody, the public security agency, The procuratorate and the court discussed the details, and the discussion lasted for 2 years.
In September of this year, according to the judgment of the People's Court of Jingkou District, Zhenjiang City, Jiangsu Province, Wan Lamei won the custody of his daughter, but Zhang Yilong continued to appeal. The result of the judgment is currently unknown.
After several appeals, Wang Jianna did not get custody of the child.
The judgment made by the Beichen District People’s Court of Tianjin stated: “Because the child is still young, his living environment should not be changed easily, so this court believes that the defendant should be brought up by the defendant.” A lawyer Zeng said in an interview with the media, Rights and visitation rights "are like the pros and cons of a coin. If you determine who has custody rights, the other party should naturally have visitation rights."
In October, Wang Jianna took the child’s father to court for infringement of her visitation rights. However, because the child and father had nowhere to find and no subpoena was accepted, the court stated that it could only issue a civil investigation letter.
In the past four years, apart from going to work, Julie spent most of her time traveling between public security agencies, courts, procuratorates, and the Women's Federation.
At first, she had been fighting alone until 2019, when she found a group of mothers who were in a similar situation to her on the Internet.
When she joined the group chat, the mothers in the group were surprised at the fact that she had obtained the custody of a 7-year-old boy while her child was hidden. She brought them confidence.
Julie doesn't want "Purple Ribbon Moms" to stay in self-pity, she wants to help these mothers avoid detours.
"To join the'Purple Ribbon', two conditions need to be met. One is that the child is indeed hidden, the other is that the child has been actively seeking and defending rights and participating in the promotion of legal improvement." Julie has seen some cases of abandonment, she understands Rights protection is not easy.
Slowly, "Purple Ribbon Mom" has established accounts on multiple online platforms. There are already more than 200 members in the WeChat group, and more and more people are fighting for custody or visitation rights of their children.
Wan Lamei feels that "Purple Ribbon Mothers" are not only a place to exchange experiences, but also a harbor for mutual warmth.
Before that, she always felt lonely.
Zhang Jing provides legal aid to this group.
According to her observation, in the "natal family", some parents are not very supportive of their daughters getting their children back. On the one hand, they think it is too much effort, and on the other hand, they worry about affecting their daughter's remarriage.
But many mothers still choose to persist.
Zhang Jing said: "Mothers love their children in the same way. Only if the mother is not weak can it be possible for young children to have maternal love again."
Zhang Jing also encountered the "Purple Ribbon Dad". A child was raised by his father after he was born, and was finally snatched by his mother and then hid.
"In any case, this behavior is an infringement of the parental rights of the child (referring to the rights and obligations of both parents to discipline and protect their minor children in terms of personal and property-reporter's note), stripping the child from the other party Mobility. But this kind of right currently does not have the right to sue in our country, and it is impossible to open a case."
Gain and loss
Mothers who have tried to "reunite" with their children have seen some hope in recent years.
The “Guidelines for the Procedures for Trial of Divorce Cases in Guangdong Courts” implemented on July 16, 2018 clearly stipulate that “behavior of the opposing party who snatches, transfers, or conceals minor children” can conduct behavior preservation (behavior preservation refers to the concept of civil litigation, In order to avoid undue damage or further damage to the interests of the parties or interested parties, the court has the right to take coercive measures against the infringements or actions threatened by related parties based on their applications-reporter's note).
If the act of robbing a child occurs after the court’s judgment becomes effective and the application for enforcement is applied, it may constitute the crime of "refusal to execute the judgment or ruling" in Article 313 of the Criminal Law.
On October 17 this year, the newly revised Article 24 of the Law on the Protection of Minors stipulated: “You shall not compete for custody rights by snatching or hiding minor children.” Zhang Jing said that this law clarifies illegal acts, but There is no provision for illegal consequences, "Even so, in divorce proceedings, the other party can be found to be at fault based on this article."
In 2006, Zhang Jing once represented a case of changing custody rights.
After the parents divorced, the custody of the child was awarded to the father, who still lived with the mother.
Later, the father lost his job and took the child away and made a financial claim to the mother.
This man does not have a stable income, the child cannot eat fruits and vegetables, and does not go to school.
On the day of the trial, the child spat at his mother and said: "You bad woman, you rubbish, I don't want to be with you." But the mother did not give up until she brought the child back to her side.
For a long time, little boys were aggressive.
He wants to learn Taekwondo, "If Dad comes to grab me again, then I can beat him."
Julie is most afraid of seeing a child about the same age as her son on the road.
Occasionally, when she heard a child called "Mom", she would subconsciously think of her son.
She often thinks about how to get along with her son and how to relieve his inner pressure.
In court, she had seen a letter of commitment presented by the father of the child, with the child's signature on it, which read "I don't want to be with my mother."
She once asked her son about this. The child looked confused and said, "Daddy asked me to write."
In the battle for power, "hatred" is injected into the hearts of children by adults.
Xiong Dingyu remembers that when living with his grandparents, his grandfather always "beats me while saying that I look like my mother".
Netizen Sizhu also described his experience in the "Purple Ribbon Mama" super talk.
In her senior year this year, she remembered that when her parents divorced in the lower grades of elementary school, her mother moved back to her grandma’s house. It only took her 2 minutes to walk there, but her father said, "She is not allowed to come back to see you, nor is you allowed to see her. ".
Sizhu is afraid to make her father angry, but she misses her mother.
One day after school at noon, she plucked up the courage to walk to her grandma's house. Now she only remembers that her mother was holding her and crying all the time.
This experience changed her view of her father.
Years later, she mentioned the past during the quarrel between the father and daughter, which surprised her father: "How do you remember?"
Xiong Dingyu claims to be "precocious and lacking in love". He always pays attention to the group similar to his mother and "hopes that the law can be changed for people."
At the two sessions this year, Zhang Baoyan, the representative of the National People’s Congress who founded the "Baby Go Home Finding Subnet", proposed: "Legislation protects the family rights that children from divorced families should enjoy, protects the custody rights acquired by guardians in accordance with the law, and protects the visitation rights of parents without custody rights. The party who refuses to enforce the court’s judgment is sentenced in accordance with the law; the party who hides the child or has repeatedly prevented visits will be deprived of guardianship and be included in the social credit system; law enforcement inspections of divorce litigation cases nationwide are carried out, and those who have obtained custody but have not received guardianship , And supervise the handling of cases that have been granted visitation rights but cannot be visited."
As of press time, after the intervention of the public security organs, Zhu Li and her ex-husband have reached a mediation agreement and are discussing the time for the mother to pick up the child; Wan Lamei is waiting for the next court session; Wang Jianna keeps her daughter who was taken away and left at home. Supplementary food is still actively fighting for visitation rights.
Julie taught herself the editing technique, and made a short video of her own experience and the story of "Purple Ribbon Mother". She wanted to show him when the child came back, "Let him know that his mother has done a lot in this process and did not want him ".
The mother once heard the teacher repeat that her son claimed to have gone to Xuanwu Lake, Sun Yat-sen Mausoleum, the Museum and the zoo with his mother during that spring outing—all the places Julie took him to.
She speculated that the child lied because he missed those times too much.
(At the request of interviewees, Zhang Yilong, Sizhu and Xiong Dingyu are pseudonyms)
Intern Wen Lumin Li Hefeng Source: China Youth Daily