Meeting your ex every day can make it more difficult to mourn the relationship, as it does for Tiana, who has been in a relationship for a few months with her neighbor.
The psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc warns her on Friday in the program Sans Rendez-Vous.
How to move on when you are around your loved one every day? Tiana bumps into her ex, who is also her next door neighbor, every day and it hurts her. Friday, in Sans Rendez-vous, on Europe 1, the sex therapist Catherine Blanc advises her to question this reflection, which, according to her, seems to indicate obsessive behavior.
Tiana's question
"I had a relationship of several months with my neighbor to compensate, unfortunately, he left me a year ago and I still suffer from it. I still see him every day, sometimes accompanied, and it hurts, but I love my apartment and don't want to give it up. What advice do you have? "
Catherine Blanc's response
“The situation would be the same with best friends or siblings. With the people we are close to, there is a major risk because if the story does not come to an end, life will not end. 'don't stop, houses don't move and friendships don't give up. Do you have to move? No, but that's not the point. Yes, she can love her apartment very much, but it is curious to love an apartment so much as that of the person you love, to whom you show your suffering on a daily basis when you show your happiness.
She may not dare to take off.
This raises questions about what, in the love story, maintains links of submission to the omnipotence of the other.
Beyond this relationship arises the question of how she forges links with others.
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Does seeing the person again prevent the wounds from healing, even after a year?
We can remain very obsessed with the other because we have projected a lot of things.
It is not because we are left, that we are injured more or less strongly, that things end up returning to order.
It is always those who are not left who declare: 'One lost, ten found.'
It's more complex because we invest a lot of things in the other.
You have to wonder about the reasons that make you invest, at this point, disenchantment.
It's normal to invest in a relationship and find it hard to give up a completely idealized project.
But when the other exhibits other companions, with a sort of sadism, or when she watches all the people who come and go, it is really a question of non-renunciation of the one who betrays, who loves others. other.
It can go back to personal stories from her childhood life, with the idea that she is the one who is put aside, who holds on when she has to come off, because a mom or a dad is occupied elsewhere.
Can she ask him to move out?
Him, he loved a woman, he left her, period.
He may not have done it in an inelegant way.
He allows himself to live while she forbids herself because she remains fixed.
It is an interior job.
We have to deal with events, we don't leave the places where things happen to us, the jobs where we have experienced disappointments and we do not leave an apartment because there is a neighbor that we have love.
We continue to live and we put ourselves at peace, because we are worth something.
By remaining obsessive on a story that cannot lead to anything other than hurting her more, it is she whom she damages, which tarnishes her own image. "