THE SEX QUESTION - Should you talk about your past in love with your partner?

It is a subject that can quickly become taboo within a couple: the "ex".

When you start a new relationship, it's never easy to talk about your past in love.

But should you absolutely talk about it and, if so, should you tell your spouse everything?

The psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc answered this delicate question on Monday in the program "Sans rendez-vous" on Europe 1. 

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"It's normal to have the curiosity of the other: who is he, where does he come from, what does he like, how was he built? Exes are part of this logic This raises the question of knowing what the other likes or disliked in order to know how I should be or behave in order to be loved. 

Talking about your exes is talking about what we loved or what made us suffer.

It is indicating to the other what could make us suffer or what pleases us.

Except that we involve third parties and that makes the relationship difficult to create and build on the basis of neutrality, since it is always in reaction to what has been experienced.

It's like asking your partner to fix or complete what hasn't been repaired in the past. 

Is it misplaced curiosity? 

It's a pretty narcissistic question.

It's asking yourself: is my value the right one, am I better than the previous one?

It can be difficult because I am compared to someone else who was able to make the best days of the person you love.

This is a question that better reflects our weaknesses.

The exes should not be compared because first of all, they are not the same moments of our life, the same fulfillments, the same issues.

So it doesn't have to be comparable.

The risk is to want to prove that one is exactly what the other was who was left, or the opposite of what the other was not able to do.

The risk is to get locked into an idea of ​​oneself that is not the right one. 

I think of a person who came to see me because his wife had left him because their wishes no longer matched.

He was happy to have a new relationship with a woman who wanted him more.

Except that in reality, this woman had this desire because she knew that the previous one did not like to make love.

So she had to like making love, which made her force herself and, in the end, she didn't succeed either.

We are there in a relationship of oneself instead of being in a creativity of relationship. 

Questions about exes are best not answered in detail, right?

So, we can say that I loved such and such a person, that it was great but that it ended and that now I'm on something else.

We do not have to go into details and especially not in the eroticized fantasy which is to bring in a third party to promote oneself, which some sometimes do. 

When is curiosity unhealthy?

As soon as we get into the details of what she or he was doing, or to say: 'why didn't you react at that moment?'

There we judge the past of the other, we rewrite it.

It's judging the incompetence of the person you love, so already there you are completely out of the game. "