THE SEX QUESTION - I suspect my son is gay, should I tell him?

There is often social pressure, especially among young men, to show off with their conquests.

Sometimes the absence of a partner raises questions.

This is the case of Charlotte, a listener, who wonders if her 26-year-old son, who has never introduced a girlfriend, could be gay.

The sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc believes this Thursday in "Sans Rendez-vous" that this is not the right question to have.

It is an easy shortcut, which can be wrong, and which sidesteps the question of the well-being and development of children, which must be essential for parents.

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Charlotte's question

My son is 26 years old and he has never had a girlfriend.

I dare not broach the subject but I suspect he likes boys.

However, when I see him, I always ask him the same question: "So you have a girlfriend?"

so as not to make him uncomfortable while waiting for him to be ready.

should I speak to him directly? 

Catherine Blanc's response 

On the one hand, that doesn't mean he didn't have a girlfriend.

What does a mom know?

And on the other hand we can take the time that is his, we can have difficulties for many reasons to create links, to show up, to dare to tell his desire, to feel up to them.

Everyone's maturity is not the same, the urgency to make love is not the same.

The history, also, of our personal life, which makes our ease on the bodily and sexual subject, is not the same for each one of us.

So there is no urgency, there is no illness in not having sex.

There may be a mother's questions, but not conclusions.

Just because a young man has relationships doesn't mean he has to introduce them to his mom.

Some young people only want to introduce the person they will marry or introduce because that will be the person with whom they will eventually start a family.

The confusions, according to each person's story, are great.

Stop thinking that as soon as someone has no sexuality, they are homosexual.

Or that someone who has sex should tell everyone, and parents first.

We may have the right to delay because everyone has their own pace. 

Do we have the right to be interested in the love life of our child?

You can worry about your child, the difficulty he may have in general in creating links, not having friends in general.

If we do not invite anyone for a birthday this raises the question of the ability to join the social group.

The same can be said on the love level.

"I have the impression darling that you don't have a partner", we can also remove the term "girlfriend" to open the field of possibilities: "Maybe the subject of love is complicated for you, maybe to be that it is that of sexuality, that does not concern me, but what concerns me is the well being of my child so if you had questions, I am there ”.

If, to find out, we keep saying "do you have a little girlfriend", while thinking "I think he likes boys", the child hears only one thing: "Mum wants me to bring back a girl ".

Is asking whether your child is homosexual a legitimate question?

I find it curious that we stigmatize things even more at the level of homosexuality.

Our sexuality belongs only to us.

The border is fragile.

Obviously when we do things, when we invite each other with our reciprocal partners, the question arises of who is with whom.

But in the context of the mother and son relationship, when you are an adult you have to be at peace with what you are going through without being obliged in anything.

When we are between parents and child we do not ask the question of homosexuality, we ask the question of development.

And it is in this context that the question of taste will arise, perhaps, for a boy rather than a girl, but that is not the subject.

It is fulfillment, tranquility and confidence.