[In-It] A person who plays well alone can have a good marriage.

# Why does the Chinese boss play a saxophone after work?

Fusion Chinese House is located on the first floor of the mall in front of the house. It opens at 11 am and closes at 9 pm. Was it three years ago? It was 10 pm, and I passed by a Chinese house, and a saxophone sound came from inside. It was annoying from the ear before I was curious. It wasn't music, it was a complete noise. Since then, when I pass the store between 9 and 10 pm, I hear a saxophone sound. Maybe he was practicing saxophone for an hour and going home. However, after about six months, the sound began to change. I was getting close to my ears. I deliberately went home at that time. One day after eating, I asked.

"Why don't you go home at night and play a saxophone?"

The owner replied with a smile.

"Can you hear me? Is there anything special? It sounds good. It's a pleasure to me."

For him, playing the instrument was a little joy to comfort a hard day and soothe loneliness. Previously, after work, he said that he relied on alcohol to drink 1-2 bottles of soju every day. Then he was diagnosed with'alcoholic hepatitis'. I was so upset that I stopped drinking.

The problem, however, was that after drinking, there was no pleasure.Instead of alcohol, I had to find another pleasure. Sax was the one I met at that time. At first, it wasn't very fun, but as the playing skills gradually increased, it got fun. No one is telling me, but I practiced every night. He said that after playing a song to his liking, he cannot be so proud. He met a little happiness through a saxophone. It was happiness , not by someone, but by oneself . He said that if he could do it later, he would like to play a saxophone service in a nursing home.

* Listen to SBS Voice.

# A person who is happy alone can have a good marriage: can I be happy alone?

As a psychiatrist, I have been counseling many couples. Those who come because of their unhappy marriage want and strive for a happy relationship as much as anyone else. So why are you unhappy? In short, it is because of the high expectations of others. Most of them do not feel happy at work or leisure. That's why you want all happiness in'relationship'. Naturally, the expectation of a spouse is bound to be high. I want the other person to do what I expected, and I think that the responsibility of one's happiness and misfortune lies with the other person. So, if your opponent doesn't do what you expect, you will be greatly disappointed and frustrated.

On the other hand, those who feel joy at leisure can be happy alone. They don't try to fill all happiness in relationships, and don't think others have a primary responsibility to make themselves happy. It is the balance between self and relationship. Happiness needs balance. To be happy in a relationship, you must be happy outside. Just as a person who maintains a good relationship with himself or herself can have a good relationship with another person, to be happy through a relationship, one must be able to be happy alone.

# Enjoy rather than stand alone!

We are living in an unprecedented aging age. And society is increasingly personalizing. In this era, most people, whether they want it or not, have no choice but to live alone for a certain time in their lives. If you don't like it, you can't go out of time. Already, the UK is seriously looking at the problem of loneliness to the extent that it will create a ``loneliness minister in 2018.'' The BBC also asked 55,000 people how to resolve loneliness. When I received the answer, people said that it was effective to draw attention to hobbies and studies. So what did you say was the most useless way? He said that he is lonely and meets anyone. Yes. What is needed in this era is to develop the ability to live alone. The key is not to endure alone time, but to know how to enjoy it. Of course, you cannot feel happy all alone. However, if there is an activity to focus on yourself and feel joy during your time alone, we can be happy even for a moment.

What you need for this is not a lazy rest, but a leisure activity that feels joyful. This is called'Otiumótĭum' in Latin. Active leisure activities that give inner joy prevent the loneliness that penetrates deep into the inside and bring happiness now. That joy is the comfort of a hard life.

# How will you live your life?

One of the reasons why our time is unfortunate is that the importance of'I' is growing, but the content that fills me is poor. The pandemic caused by the new corona virus revealed this. Many people have corona blue. It wasn't necessarily because of fear of infection or economic hardship. Suddenly, I didn't know how to spend a lot of time. I felt depressed and frustrated rather than focusing on myself from social activities.

We say we have to live our lives, but facing us is still a strange act. What is really like me? How can we build our own world in a rough world? It's so insane. In particular, it is not difficult to find goodness in work and relationships. Compared to that, leisure is different. Leisure is basically your own time. Those who want to create their own world must first fill up with things they like from the realm of leisure. Let's find for ourselves the little joy that can fill my soul in this harsh world.