Tree hole
Those matters of psychological pressure of middle school students
"In addition to daily knowledge accumulation, another major decisive factor that affects performance is mentality." With the arrival of the examination season, the public number "Zou Xin Psychlone", which is independently operated by the students of the psychology club of Shanghai Jianping Middle School, recently published an article To explore ways to ease test anxiety.
After analyzing the "loser mentality", "player mentality" and "winner mentality", the article believes that the most "advanced" is the last one: focus on what you got in the exam, and use the experience gained to prepare for the next exam; Optimistic and motivated students can often appear upstream in the exam ranking.
After a long period of online class life and returning to school not long ago, changes in academic performance have become the primary source of psychological pressure for middle school students. Huang Ying, the person in charge of "Zhongxin Psychlone", told reporters from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily that many students' results were "sharpening" after the start of school: some of the "backward students" worked very hard to improve during the online class, and achieved great results after the school Progress; some students who had excellent grades were too arrogant and could not resist the temptation of online games. After returning to school, the exam was "like learning again".
In addition to learning pressure, Huang Ying also summarized the parent-child relationship pressure, social pressure, emotional pressure and physical pressure that middle school students may encounter. "Especially during the online class, I stayed with my parents all day. Many students felt that their parents were too demanding of themselves, and it was very annoying to see their children everywhere."
Find a support system
Shen Hui, a senior psychology teacher in Shanghai Jincai Middle School with 27 years of work experience, found that when she feels that she is under great psychological pressure, her children are more willing to seek help from parents, teachers and professional institutions, but parents sometimes do not support their children. Decide.
Shen Hui gave a representative example. During the epidemic, the online class at home made a boy who was not so social at all feel "extremely good" because he could avoid interacting with classmates. But in fact, after coming into contact with his classmates, he had the idea that he was not as good as others, and he felt a bit depressed. He took the initiative to ask his parents to see a psychologist, but the parents didn't think it was a problem that they had to go to the hospital to solve. In the later stage of the epidemic, the parents finally took him to the hospital. The doctor prescribed a bit of "eatable but not eatable" medicine. The parents were afraid of the side effects of the medicine and refused to take it.
"Parents feel that this is a problem that can be solved through the efforts of their children. They can not take medicine; children think that even doctors feel that they can use drugs to help me. Why do parents strongly disagree?" Later, through teachers and parents’ Communication, only reached a consensus between parents and children.
"Parents should not evade their children's problems, but should give their children real support." Shen Hui analysis said that children with high psychological pressure often feel that their pain is beyond their parents' understanding, and the parents' empty words of "supporting you" appear Very weak. "Parents should pay attention to the child's growth process other than learning, and explore the child's own problem-solving ability and enhance the child's self-confidence; more often, not just telling the child'this problem can be solved', but to really take specific Ways to face problems together."
Cai Danyi, a psychology teacher at Pudong Foreign Language School affiliated to Shanghai International Studies University, also emphasized the importance of a “support system”. In her view, the children of junior and senior high school students often have more influence on their self-perception than their parents and teachers. "Although online courses provide excellent teaching resources for students, the existence of schools and classes is not only for acquiring knowledge, but also has many functions for growth. It is inevitable that home study is missing."
"I haven't started school for a long time. I miss my school friends." More than one middle school student told reporters. Huang Ying said: "Although everyone can chat on the mobile phone during the online class, it is not the same as the real people happening in the school. The feeling at school is more intimate. We can talk about trivial and interesting things, even the bees fly into the classroom. Can be a topic."
How to solve the problem of distant companions? Cai Danyi found that some classes invented a small trick by themselves: the "punch card" was opened 20 minutes before the start of the online class, and the two students took turns to be the "anchor" every day. "Anchor" sometimes puts a song that he likes, talks about why he likes it, and then takes everyone to hum; sometimes he introduces a precious item at home and tells the story behind it. April is the psychological month of the school. The school invited an alumnus who studied in the New York University film major to remotely guide the students of the second grade, high school and high school to compile, direct and perform psychological dramas. Later, 16 classes have completed This interesting "relay" job.
Stop talking about "children of other people"
"My son is almost in third grade. I hope he will stop playing games, but he asks me: What else can I do without playing games when I am relaxed?" Wu Yulan is a junior high school teacher with 20 years of teaching experience and 10 years of class teacher experience. To her son, she found that she needed to communicate with him a lot.
Like many families, the close coexistence of parents and children for several months has created many contradictions. Wu Yulan, who used to educate students to like "quick battles and quick decisions", now feels that the "teacher is over" is wrong. Starting from discussing the playing time, she and her son chat more and more in-depth. "Some children are actually lonely now. Some children are addicted to games and do not do their homework, it may be because the parents exert too much pressure, or the parents quarrel with each other, the children do not get attention and lack love. This is what my son told me ."
At the school, Wu Yulan also met the "lack of love" students. There was a boy in the pre-first grade, who had been very active in school in the past, often coming to the teacher’s office to ask this question and that; during the epidemic, he was "out of control" at home: he did not do his homework or upload, and always supported us when he received a teacher call of. The teachers later learned that the boy was usually taken care of by grandma at home. After the parents divorced, the mother was in the field, the father was not in charge, and the electronic equipment was always around, so he could not control the "addiction" of playing games.
Wu Yulan believes that the best way to solve this situation is to communicate with family members, especially children who have just entered adolescence. Parents should be good at observing whether children have abnormalities in their words and deeds and intervene as soon as possible. "The child grows up to face, and the parent-child contradiction is not like a learning problem. Generally, he will not tell his peers. At this time, parents and teachers need positive guidance, communication, and open heart." Sure enough, the boy was comforted and encouraged by Wu Yulan. Talked to her about the deep entanglement.
"Another important point is that parents should not compare other children with their own children. This will probably cause the children to close their hearts and ignore you."
This important suggestion comes from Wu Yulan's personal experience. "Parents are also under great pressure at work. When they go home to face their children's learning situation, they are inevitably disturbed, discordant, and never satisfied. I think they are good for other children. My son likes to listen to me talk about students when he was a child. Now I don't want to listen, I think I'm comparing him with other children."
Wu Yulan believes that parents are not like teachers, and they tend to be too direct when talking to their children, which may hurt the children. "After all, there are few obedient and sensible children. Parents should learn to lower their body and talk to their children calmly. Learn to only talk about the child's status quo, not to mention other children."
Another thing Wu Yulan learned from her son is to establish an equal relationship between parents and children. "Teenage children actually know a lot of things, but adults only experience more frustrations and lessons. In fact, adults can’t completely overwhelm their children, and children just need you to give some advice. Son told me that he I know I’m doing it for him, but I don’t think I’m right. I agree.”
Growth is a matter of a lifetime
"Now children don't worry about material anymore, they think more about spiritual things. Why study and live? Children don't have the motivation to learn before there is a relatively clear answer." Cai Danyi has been a psychology teacher for 18 years Years, this is the sentiment she gained from communicating with this generation of students.
"It's either meaningful or fun to do something. Learning is not that fun for most children, which requires a sense of purpose and meaning." According to Cai Danyi, many parents are used to working and earning Money and raising a family also require the child to study hard, and then go to school and work smoothly, but they can't understand that the child doesn't pay much attention to the material. Some parents ask their children to study well, and they just swipe their phones after get off work, which will make children feel that life seems to have no purpose and meaning.
Cai Danyi believes that if the parents' requirements for their children are only good academic performance, then when they spend a lot of energy to reach the goal, the negative impact on the children will be very large. "Sometimes the pressure is not the key, the key is that the child does not find a sense of purpose and meaning in life. If there is a goal, the pressure will naturally be transformed into motivation."
"Growth is a matter of a lifetime." Cai Danyi concluded. Children look at parents and teachers to decide what kind of person they will be in the future, and they will develop a way to deal with emotions in their lives. She once encountered a child who ran away from home. Later, when asked, the child did not think that it was run away from home. "Because the child had seen her mother quarreling and fell out of the door. After a long time before returning home, she took it for granted. That’s how it should be done."
How to turn learning pressure into motivation? Wu Yulan also has an experience. She believes that parents and teachers should make appropriate small requirements according to their children's learning ability, rather than asking for too much at once. "With a little proper pressure, children can grow up happily; without any pressure at all, they can easily bear poor ability when they grow up."
In the school, Wu Yulan always encourages students to be human first and then study. "There is a difference in learning ability, it doesn't matter. As long as a person has a positive attitude, a positive attitude, and looks sunny, people around you will slowly accept you." Students who graduated for many years came back to see her and said, "Being a good person is better than studying hard." "Important" remember this sentence most firmly. "Among the students I have taught, there are masters, undergraduates, and vocational school graduates. They have done a good job at their jobs, and the purpose of educating people has been achieved." She said with a smile.
China Youth Daily · China Youth Daily reporter Wei Qimeng Source: China Youth Daily