Unlike couples married or confined to the same apartment, thousands of French people were separated for eight weeks from their partner, due to the epidemic of coronavirus. And if the messaging applications have obviously made it possible to keep in touch, the physical reunion after such a long separation can prove to be agonizing, with the fear that these two months could have damaged the strength of the relationship. This apprehension is experienced by Raphaëlle, who fears having lost the bond that linked her to her lover. Tuesday, in Without appointment , the sexologist Catherine Blanc advised him to take his time.
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Raphaëlle's question
After two months away, I am about to see my lover this weekend. But I'm apprehensive. Are we going to be as accomplices as before?
Catherine Blanc's response
"This apprehension accounts for Raphaëlle's questioning about the need she would have for the other. For two months, she saw that she could have done without this relationship, and that suddenly, we will have to find her partner, as if the relationship was only due to this notion of need and complementarity necessary for her own equilibrium. However, she found her equilibrium for two months, which makes her assume that complicity and necessity do not exist. would no longer exist.
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However, a relationship cannot be reduced to a story of need. The relationship is established, enriched, and each feeds on what the other is specifically, what happened for each during this time of confinement, what they have to do with. bring it again. It is not a question of living only on the past of this complementarity. There is everything to create.
"It takes a while to rediscover yourself"
Of course we are in a stressful situation. This spontaneity and this freedom in the relationship must be recreated, and it must be done with fear of the virus, the injunction of all the security measures to be put in place, etc. It turns relations up a bit. And then, during confinement, we asked ourselves several times: "Does the other always think of me? Did I always think of the other? Is it really necessary?"
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Now that the confinement is finished, we will have to create a new relationship, be imaginary, step by step in the link to the other. In addition, perhaps that the needs for distancing, at first, will give the excuse of the time that it takes us to re-tame. It is not because we have been lovers that we must necessarily jump on it immediately. It takes time to rediscover yourself, to rediscover the other person's body, their smell, their skin.
It may be pretty. There will be modesty to be turned around, conquests to be made. This is what drives relationships. "