Can confinement have an influence on our libido? While the coronavirus epidemic has forced millions of French people to limit their travel and social interactions as much as possible, the lifestyles of couples have also had to change. And this exacerbated promiscuity, like the fear of illness, can have consequences on the sexuality of both partners. This is the case of Alice, 36, whose spouse no longer wants to make love for fear of being potentially contaminated. Friday, in "Without appointment", on Europe 1, the sexologist Catherine Blanc delivered some advices to solve this problem.
>> LIVE - Coronavirus: follow the evolution of the situation
Alice's question, 36
For the past few days, my partner has not wanted to have sex for fear of the coronavirus. He even prefers to sleep on the sofa. I find this exaggerated. What do you think ?
>> Find all the sex questions in replay and podcast here
Catherine Blanc's response
This attitude of Alice's partner makes it possible to highlight the suspicions that one can have towards each other. This fear of the virus can be a good excuse to put yourself at a good distance from your partner when you do not know how to keep the right respectable distances under normal circumstances, and when you have the feeling of being suffocated by the other. This may be the case with this couple.
This couple probably does not like to make love on a daily basis, at least not with a reciprocal desire, but probably with an imbalance in their desire towards each other. One can be in high demand, and it can give the other a feeling of being eaten up by this voracious desire. However, in the case of confinement, as there is no possibility of escape like going to see friends, going to work, we are at the mercy of the other who may be expecting a lot sexually. And the anxiety of being suffocated by the other will be all the greater as the coronavirus gives an idea of possible contamination. These are only psychic constructions, but it gives an opportunity to express his distrust, his fear of the other, and his need to put distance.
The importance of dialogue
For Alice, rather than wanting to absolutely tell her partner to come back to the marriage bed, which would be useless, we must rather say that the subject may not be sexuality, but is elsewhere, and that it has consequences for sexuality. This can therefore be an opportunity to ask his partner the question: "Do you feel invaded by me, and does confinement bring it out? Are you sure it is I who invades or is it something else? " Because it can be his anguish which invades him and which he then projects on his companion, before fleeing her.
>> PODCAST - Coronavirus: find all the answers to your questions here
In these moments of disorder within the couple, where we do not speak the same language, it must be said that something else is hidden behind the announced problem, even if it leaves the subject of sexuality on the side. Finally, it should not be denied that, during periods of confinement, the nervous system is severely tested. There is potentially something that re-emerges from the order of depression. So you have to talk to each other.
If the two lovers decide not to sleep together for a few days or weeks, can that make it difficult to return to the marriage bed? It is obvious that one never sleeps as well as alone. But it is not because we get used to sleeping alone that we are not going to take pleasure in sharing our nights, even if we are a little disturbed. Let us remember our first nights with our partner. These were not nights when we slept the sleep of the just, but complicated nights when we slept halfway, often for fear of disturbing the other.