- France established containment of the population on March 17 to stem the epidemic of coronavirus.
- A restrictive but necessary situation that upsets the daily lives of many families.
- Couples recently separated or in the process of divorce find themselves confined together for lack of alternative accommodation or to avoid journeys to see their children.
Living confined with your spouse can already be complicated. But for those who have just broken up and are forced to stay under the same roof, confinement is a feat. Yet this is what many couples are going through right now. Without having found new accommodation or to avoid frequent trips to see their children, some separated couples find themselves confined together.
How to turn the page, move forward and not tear yourself apart by being all day alongside the one you just left? Among the numerous testimonies received at the editorial office, these couples confide the considerable efforts made over the past week to support this confinement without breaking the bond that continues to unite them. If they describe a daily life studded with inevitable tensions, some also see opportunities.
Inevitable tensions difficult to manage
After five years of relationship, Emilie and her husband made the decision, last January and "by mutual agreement", to separate. "As I was still on a trial period for a new job, and the real estate market being what it is in Ile-de-France, we continued to coexist". Before confinement, this life together while being separated "went relatively well," she says. But since March 17 and the introduction of containment to fight against the coronavirus, the couple's daily life has suddenly darkened. “The first day, we yelled at each other all morning. When you separate, it is unfortunately because you can no longer bear the faults of your other half. And there, being 24 hours a day on top of each other, I think we were both apprehensive about having to face up to what annoyed us mutually, ”analyzes Emilie.
“This situation is very complicated to manage psychologically. He doesn't want me to go and I'm afraid that this cohabitation will give him false hopes ”
These little nothing became unbearable, Vanessa also dreads them. At 41, this mother struggles to hide her annoyance: “All of her sides that I could no longer bear on a daily basis are multiplied. Before, I could give up, but since we are confined, it has bothered me. As a result, the couple went on "quarrels over trifles". And behind closed doors sometimes revives the pain caused by the breakup.
After three years of relationship, 36-year-old Mary Line announced to her friend that she intended to leave him. However, the rental of the apartment in which she was to move was finally canceled by the owner when the containment was instituted. The couple, freshly separated, is therefore reunited. “This situation is very complicated to manage psychologically. He does not want me to leave and I am afraid that this forced cohabitation will give him false hopes, ”she confides.
"We don't want it to be war"
But for the vast majority of couples who agreed to testify for 20 Minutes, this exceptional situation calls for their behavior which is just as important. At 27, Léa describes a “peaceful” relationship: “We don't want it to be war, we don't want to argue. In the evening, when we come back, we eat together, we chat. The main thing is to find moments and activities of your own without stepping on them. "
And the presence of common children is often beneficial for separated couples. "Despite our differences of opinion, we are trying to make sure everything goes well, especially for the children," says Jérôme, 43, who has been in the process of divorce since February and confined with his future ex-wife. Same observation for Stéphane, separated from his partner for almost a year and officially divorced for two weeks. This father of a three-year-old boy even feels privileged, aware of the violent crises that some couples may go through after or during a breakup. "We are lucky to be on good terms and try to be kind to each other, even if tensions necessarily arise," acknowledges the father.
Others have even made the choice to return to their ex to share this difficult period with their common child. This is the case of Lucas who says he lives "on good terms" with his ex-wife. Avoiding journeys for alternate custody, the young father explains: “It seemed to us to be the best solution for the well-being of our child. "
Couples comforted in their choice
Even more surprising, some manage to see in this forced cohabitation positive aspects. "This situation reminds us why we haven't lived together for a year", notes Stéphane for example. Because making the choice to leave is often difficult and painful, abounds Mary-Line: "He treats me well, there is a lot of respect between us. But I also realize by remaining confined to him that I made the right decision by announcing to him that I wanted us to stop, ”she slips.
This time together can also be used to soften a break that could have been more brutal, says Gaëlle, 41: "It will not put the pieces together but it will make things clear and restore a little communication. "As for separated parents, day-to-day management is simpler and more balanced by being temporarily reunited," continues Gaëlle: "It's even better for a question of organization!" Because to work and go to school at home, I assure you that we are not too many. "Stéphane, fervent optimist, completes:" The positive in all this is that we both see our son every day and we can rely on each other to reconcile work at home, domestic tasks and moments with our child ”.
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After a first morning of confinement punctuated by shouts, Emilie and her ex-companion finally had a "discussion": "We put things flat and we decided to make efforts to make this cohabitation go well". And as a last proof of love, she admits: “I'm glad he's there (…) Even if on the whole we don't talk much, it feels good to know that he's in the room. 'beside. Ironically, I probably couldn't bear to be confined with someone other than him. "
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