• New births that refuse visits: rude or responsible?

Our whole life has seemed something of eccentrics, of crazy bohemians who do "weird" things . And although it is true that society has always been uncompromising with lives that do not fall into the game of the established, it is also true that the most mediatic examples we had so far of consolidated couples and children who chose to live in separate houses , it didn't help to understand the concept.

We talked about LAT couples (the English acronym for Living Apart Together) , something that sounded like something to us because that's how Mia Farrow and Woody Allen lived their relationship. Needless to say how it ended.

Already in Europe, more specifically in the London neighborhood of Kensington, film director Tim Burton and actress Helena Bonham Carter , lived for 13 years separated by a wall that divided two adjacent apartments connected by a tunnel. After two children in common, the thing also ended in infidelity and rupture.

Another example we have in the couple formed by Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre , who during the half century that lasted their history of love and intellectual collaboration, never found the time to share a roof.

CHALLENGE TO TRADITION

But what we did not know was the fact that there are many more ("real") couples than we thought to opt for a common life that ends with the day: "You, your house and I mine." They have been somewhat crouched, for what they will say, but they begin to come out of the closet, something that has caught the attention of sociologists.

Some of them even talk about LAT couples as a new form of family . Eva Juni, professor of the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couples Therapy at ISEP, confirms that having a relationship and not sharing housing is not something new. "What is new is its recognition as one more option, as a valid model and not less committed as a couple. As were homosexual relationships, these relationships imply a challenge to the traditional concept of a couple, who understands coexistence (creating a home and family) as an essential part of the commitment, but we are not always more even because we share more time, "explains the expert.

VOLUNTEER OR TAX?

A recent calculation made in the United States estimates that 3.5 million Americans (3% of all married couples) are LAT .

In the United Kingdom , where not only marriages are counted, but also long-term couples, that number rises to 9% .

The issue is especially in vogue in Canada, a country in which there are already 1.5 million people, between 25 and 64, who live separately from their partners . A type of relationship that, according to Canadian researchers, is especially between older people and millennials.

What has occurred is a certain discrepancy among social researchers when it comes to specifying the reason for the concept, since while there is a group that gives the LAT some social importance and defines it as a new form of privacy of the contemporary societies and a family formula through which people can experience both intimacy and the satisfaction of being in a relationship, another considers it another stage in the route established towards cohabitation and marriage. That is, we live like this for a while, but in the end, and although it sounds less 'cool', we all want to share a bed and toilet .

LACK OF RESOURCES: MAIN REASON IN SPAIN

That is precisely the case of the Spanish LAT. It is true that the phenomenon has also proliferated in recent years in our country, but rather it has been motivated by certain social realities that have pushed us to it, such as the late emancipation of young people or the lack of economic resources for rent or Buying a roof in common.

Precisely, the professor of Sociology at the University of Malaga, Luis Ayuso, wondered in a study whether Spanish LAT couples are actually courtships or correspond to independent couples .

The conclusion of their investigation was that, in Spain, most LAT couples are rather eternal courtships motivated by circumstances (inability to emancipate themselves), a reality that does not overshadow the fact that the number of LATS is also timidly growing by choice.

"YOU DO NOT WANT ANY MORE TO SHARE MORE TIME"

What is the objective then of the relationship? Isn't it finally sharing the same roof? Sexologist Eva Juni explains that "a relationship is a contract between two people, based on love or affection between them. Commitment, intimacy and sharing a life model are the main ingredients of this contract, which may or may not contemplate coexistence as a requirement. We can be perfectly a couple, but decide that our relationship will not include sharing a house . We will not necessarily want more and better because we share more time. "

Yes, it is logical, but we will not deny that there is a social pressure that pushes you to live together. Moreover, they have always raised suspicions those eternal couples who did not take the step. "But perhaps some of those who opt for this LAT option consider more" weird "to those who live and marry, knowing that they have more than 50% statistical probability of failing, of separating . There are people who find in this model of a balance between a shared intimate life and personal autonomy and independence, which they value very much, "says Juni.

THE DOMESTIC ROUTINE IS ALSO GOOD

Is it done then to dodge the routine? After all, there is nothing like sharing everyday life to break the mystery and passion. The sexologist disagrees. "No, more than the routine, it is the lack of enthusiasm, surprise and novelty responsible for the passion flying out the window. Routines also provide positive aspects such as safety, comfort and confidence. Couples who they live together and decide to continue taking care of their relationship, sharing projects, time, illusions and quality communication can preserve and continue feeding their love, "says Eva Juni.

In the end, the reasons that lead you to have this type of relationship can be very different (romantic, logistic, professional, for your values ​​or for a personal life model), but it is undeniable that we are facing a new example of a change in the meaning, the objective and the value we attach to the concept of a couple .

Types of couples who practice it

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Young couples who are focused on their personal and professional development and who need not have "physical ties" to be able to make decisions, such as changing residence if projects or opportunities arise. It would be the option: "We love each other, but see you when we can." In these cases, this model may be the option at a stage of life, not an end.

Couples who decide not to have children and each of them enjoys their time because they want to preserve a high degree of autonomy. In many cases they are people who have been living alone for years and who appreciate this kind of life.

People of middle or third age who have already lived as a couple, and even have family, and who believe that a new coexistence implies more disadvantages than advantages. In other cases, after having lived a long-term relationship that perhaps made us suffer, which did not end well, we are reluctant to create a new coexistence because of the fear that some situations of the past are repeated. Sometimes, it is simply too complicated to integrate a new person into your established family dynamic.

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