It is not a simple matter to tell about love or write about love, but it is not complicated either. Looking at your social environment, you will find ready-made recipes for how to have a “romantic relationship”, and “10 tips for maintaining a warm marriage.” Perhaps you also stumbled upon claims to reject emotional attachment from its foundation, and you will notice that the streak is extended to the most prominent experiences of its individuality, exceptionalism and exoticism. And of course, you must have gone through characters who export themselves as competent in this type of relationship, especially with the disintegration, liquidity, and fragility that we experience in our reality in human relationships, which have contributed mainly to the spread of "capsules" dealing with the beloved, or getting rid of it !

The pages of history abound with stories of love and wanderlust. Perhaps because it is from history, it carries in its content an aura and brilliance, and it is closer in calling it to a state of "nostalgia" that longs for the past, in terms of goodness and pure love. In the “Bani Amer neighborhood,” specifically in the Arab Valley of Hijaz, narrations conveyed to us one of the most beautiful and most famous love stories ever. Who among us did not hear the night of Amiriya, and her madness Qais bin Al-Mallouh, the man who spent his life guiding in her name and his love for her, and it was mentioned in the effect that they were brought up In the same tribe, a mutual love developed between them for years, and as soon as Kais made a proposal to Laila's sermon, her family and her husband rejected him, and the madman then said:

When we met at the foot of Ramah

I found Banan al-Amiriya in red

So I said, I gave my palm to our separation?

And God forbid that so what happened

But when I saw you leaving

I cried blood until it got wet

I wiped the limbs of Lebanon with tears

And they became palms with palms as you see. "(1)

It is said, according to different accounts, that Laila died from following him after the incident, and he soon caught up with him, after he roamed the Arab countries, singing his poems about his love in them, until they found him lying among the rocks, and he died.

Baumann found no more accurate expression than "upper pocket relationships" to describe the relationships in a time of liquidity and constant renewal

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Away from the validity of this irrigation or not, what is meant here is to explore the meaning through which we see how love was associated with immortality, death, or harsh ends, which extends the span of a person’s life, ends with its end, or leaves inscriptions in the memory that are not absent. Love that can lead a person to death, or a happy life. However, it seems authentic, not fleeting. Then, one can say, "I loved."

“Have you loved one day?”, A question that if you asked many people around you, it is easy to notice the extended numbers of people who have experienced love in their lives, and they have become in the account of “the experience of love”, and this experience may range from a few months to a few years How did "love" become months, weeks, or even one night?

Love in a time of consumption

When talking about human relations and their fragility in the current era, the return to the ideas of the Polish sociologist Szigmont Baumann appears essential, when he formulated in his book "Liquid Love" a social theory through which he explains the fragility of social relations and the superficiality of love in the current era, as it is reviewed, and with a focused analysis, How capitalism and market policies interfere with individual choices that seem subjective in their appearance, extend to extend their social life, and raise the values ​​of individualism and narcissism according to the logic of pleasure and consumption. The result is a huge amount of waste, within which our lives disappear.


In these spheres of relativity and fluidity, concepts are mixed. From this, Baumann shows this confusion between the concept of love and desire, when he states: "Love by its nature seeks to perpetuate desire, but desire is its nature escaping from the bonds of love" (2). Therefore, what happens these days, and what is usually called love, is essentially a form of meeting the desires of the body like any consuming process, and it is called wrong because of love, and even one night of sex they called it "an exercise of love".

According to this analysis, Baumann did not find a more accurate expression than "upper pocket relationships" to describe the transient relationships in the time of liquidity and constant renewal. Love in the time of consumption is similar to the rapid movement process, similar to throwing a train ticket from your upper pocket after consuming it for a specific and temporary need, as soon as the job ends The moment of the relationship is thrown with ease, without feeling the weight of abandonment and loss.

Baumann's theory seems to explain the nature of human relations today, and starting from that, in Meydan we conducted a series of live interviews with a group of young people, through which we seek to examine the nature of love and emotional relationships in the way they envision, that is, as a person sees it, with his own, personal experience , Away from generalizations / general interpretations and ready-made theories. On this journey of interviews, we posed to them the central question of the report: Is the life of love really short? And why?

From here, S.L. stems from the hadith, which adopted in its content the view that sees the apparent fragility of human and emotional relations in the current era, and in his endeavor to discuss the causes of the phenomenon, he mentioned to Maidan that social media platforms provided a kind of easy access to People, and a quick ability to create dating, in the past the man used to spend months knowing the name of the girl he liked, or looking for opportunities to approach her, whereas now, with Facebook, we can find and talk to her, and approach her if the matter works. He added: "Then through this approach, after the relationship has arisen, and without any disregard for the girls or some kind of strictness in looking at the relationships, the young man can get us to love, sex and satisfy his desires, without the situation forcing him to engage in marriage, a permanent relationship and responsibility, This is what men always fear. "

What SL mentioned about men's fear of association coincides with what German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche mentioned in his book "Fun Science", when he spoke about the difference in love between the sexes, as he sees that biological differences between the sexes are related to the opposing roles he plays Each gender is in emotional relationships, and Nietzsche stresses that men and women "have no equal rights to love", because a man’s understanding of love is different from a woman’s understanding, and each sex’s expectations for the opposite sex are different, as are the experiences they share with others. While a woman succumbs completely to love, embracing it as if it is a creed, “embracing it and believing it in equanimity” (poem 363), a man’s love depends on his thirst for possession, and he quenches more than the beloved.

In a different analytical view, "AR" believes in his talk to " Maidan " that the present person can better understand his desires, because in the past the person was satisfied with what was available, and adapted to it. But today, an individual can see hundreds of options, which may change his view of the person he has previously chosen, and he may see better opportunities for him in others, and he tells " Meydan ": "I may be a fan of some girl, but today I see dozens of pictures of beautiful girls One of them is more perfect, and if I am not convinced about it enough, it will change my point of view, and choose what I think is best for me. ”And he explains:“ In fact, I was the opposite side of this equation. It happened that I loved a girl for years, and she abandoned me because she found A person, from her point of view, achieves her preferences in life more than me, and our story ended with that simple. "

The "Aq" experience led, according to his description, to change his view of himself and his conception of love from the ground up, and the impact of this experience extended to his perceptions of the whole world. At the end of his dialogue with Meydan , he said: “After that experience, I saw how every person thinks more about himself and searches for his benefits from those relationships. Why don't I also think about myself? I no longer want to be engaged, because the link will limit me, and take me What more will give me, I want to travel, develop my skills, build myself, and the link needs responsibility, restrictions, and expenses, so why do I not economize all this for myself, and enjoy it. "

Today a person thinks that his many relationships and experiences will increase his pleasures and experiences with love, but that ultimately, he will lead him to a loop, so he does not know what he wants, nor how he stands in the midst of this extreme fluidity

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As for "D.", and in a perception that some may see as pessimistic, he expressed to " Meydan " his conviction of the importance of the economic factor in explaining the shortness of the love process, as the reverence for the family is today a form of dreams that were present in the past, and he says to " Meydan " In the past, a man and a woman would marry and have children, who would work on their upbringing, and spend their lives for that, but today, both men and women have taken care of themselves and their desires, even if this leads to divorce, without giving any importance to what will happen to their children as a result That is, today they are separated from the most trivial reasons, and each of them is able to manage its economic situation, and therefore it is possible to Stgina from the marital home easily. "

Where is the problem?

Despite the differences in the content of previous interviews, they almost agree on the absence of what is known as "sacrifice" for the sake of the other, and about the ease of abandonment and replacement. Certainly, this dimension does not apply to all emotional relationships, but it is not possible to ignore the spread of this phenomenon. Returning to "Bauman", we will find a consensus between him and the "ease of giving up" feature that was agreed upon by the contents of the interviews we conducted. Love, as Baumann sees it, is linked organically to investment, investment through submission and sacrifice, care, and the pursuit of permanence, and this permanence is created through a sense of security that is generated in the same individual and reflected on the other, which leads to leaving other opportunities, even if they are better.

Moving to psychology, one of the important cognitive fields for analyzing the causes of behavior and the effects surrounding it, reviews Yale University professor Robert Sternberg, What he called the "triangle of love" theory, which is based on three sides, are intimacy, passion, and commitment (3). According to Sternberg, the two sides, intimacy and passion, cannot form the basis of a solid relationship, without commitment, which is the third important aspect of the continuation of any relationship. It is true that commitment, without intimacy and passion, can only lead to a cold relationship committed to the outward appearance, such as being forced to continue the relationship because you do not want to bear the consequences of separation. However, intimacy and passion can also be instantaneous, and limited to the biological sexual issue. By invoking the ideas of Baumann and Sternberg, it is easy to infer a contradiction of many of these meanings, by their nature, with the values ​​of modernization and rapid consumption, and also withdraws on the nature of a person imbued with utilitarian notions, and focusing on material compensation, he does not want to pay exorbitant prices, nor invest time, nor sacrifice from In order to obtain the benefits of social media or sexual contact, the alternative is always available, easily.

In order not to exaggerate the exceptionalism of the current era about the social history in the nature of human relations, Ibn Hazm Al-Andalusi had previously explored the appearances of "liquid love" in Baumann in one of the chapters of his famous book "The collar of the dove", a section that has become more widespread than others today. This is when he singled out a chapter entitled "Whoever loves from one look", as he says "Love with the heart from one look is divided into two parts: One part is that one loves a picture that does not know who it is and does not know its name or stable, and the second part is that one suspends from One current look is known by the name and the location. "Ibn Hazm gives the news of some of the caliphs They fell in love after next to see them in the market. (4)

"The Pigeon Collar" by Ibn Hazm Al Andalusi (communication sites)


In his interpretation of that character, Ibn Hazm provides a description, which can be called to explain the nature of social relations today, where he sees that the soul that falls in such a kind of passion is dominated by specific natures, then he says: "He who loves from one look, and the relationship faster from a glance of mind, It is evidence of the lack of patience, and told the speed of silence, and witness wit ", that is, souls in this section of love are predominant in their nature of lack of patience, and they accelerate in pleasure, i.e. forgetfulness and abandonment, but the wit is the party of everything, that is, its end, and the meaning of the meaning Here, the speed of love expires and expires, because it links wit with boredom quickly, and in the Arabic dictionary came the crown of the bride : "A man who is a party and a party: He does not stand on a woman or a friend." Thus, this kind of love is fast growing and rapidly annihilating, as Ibn Hazm sees, mostly depends on lust, even though it appears real in his torments, and we may not exaggerate too much if we say This is the dominant feature of the love of modern times.

Returning to the modern era, it is known with a place that every age reflects its values, and songs are one of the most popular and widespread arts, and in a way, they reflect an aspect of the culture and spirit of the era. Through some songs from the Arab and Western world, we can see aspects of the meaning of human relations in our time:

In one of the famous songs, the Colombian singer "Maluma" speaks in his song "Mala mia", meaning: "I apologize", and he says: "Did I kiss your girlfriend? I apologize, did I drink a lot? I apologize, but this is my life, not I care about your opinion about it, "describing his position with one of the girls at a party by saying:" I saw you at a party and your neglected friend came, I am here, my dear, for everything you want. Take my number to call me later. Have you destroyed your future plans with your boyfriend? I apologize "(5).

"It is the age of the next opportunity, that makes what is in your hand that can be abandoned, and it is not closely related to it," Baumann says.

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The meaning of the song is clear, as it is not linked to social / cultural values ​​that establish strong relationships or respect for existing relationships, but it changes with passion, and it is subject to shattering the rubble of supply and demand, seems affected, and may be subject to the party as Ibn Hazm said. At this point, the crisis appears more constructive than the peculiarities of individual feelings and the exceptional relationships. It falls within the framework of what is known in sociology as "social structure", which is similar to the general climate in which the individual moves, and is affected and influenced by different levels.

S says to Maidan : “When I was young, when I wanted to buy shoes, I was afraid to find something more beautiful in the market than I was, and I regret my choice, and I was wondering how I would choose my future husband, I am afraid that I will choose it today, and then I find someone I like More than that, it is a difficult issue, "she said, adding:" Indeed, today, whenever I think I fell in love with someone, I don't sleep soon after I like another person. "

The content of the hadith, in terms of its meaning and fate, is consistent with what Baumann said by saying, "It is the age of the next opportunity, which makes what is in your hand capable of giving up so that it is not closely related, and your other partner may not be willing or capable of a long relationship that deprives him of better opportunities" () 7).

Arab youth mostly suffer from chronic undiagnosed depression, and therefore are not treated, and this depression is interpreted in terms intended to make the situation more like a natural thing.

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In another interview, “Sh” tells Maidan : “I get bored shortly after the relationship. Whenever I knew a person, I got excited at first, but I was very lukewarm, but until I believe you say, since my father’s death I have been searching for the safety that was He gives it to me in another man, but so far I have not found him in any relationship. "

According to this case, we went to meet with the psychiatrist Abdel-Mawgoud Rabi` and discuss it about the situation that many Arab youth are going through in understanding themselves, and about the nature of social relations, to say to Meydan : “If you will, Arab societies are going through a phase of psychological fragility and youth is part Among them, societies that were closed to themselves and their customs and traditions, were surprised by an openness to the world not graduated, the second surprise was in the nature of the other world; a fluid world that is linked only by individualism, self-glorification, and individual aspirations, a question in its social and emotional relationships, so it was natural for a jolt to occur in Society and For young people, as a result of isolation and as a result of psychological fragility. "


Rabea believes that this fragility in relations leads to youth mostly isolation and self-expression first and foremost, and he adds: “What is the easiest unit; a sedating solution to a problem or pressure. Arab youth mostly suffer from chronic undiagnosed depression, and therefore It is not cured, and this depression is interpreted in terms intended to make the situation more like a natural thing, just as the outlook for the future is blurry and causes terror, making everyone stick to himself and only; after me the flood.


Rabi` lists Maidan’s symptoms of depression that are often underestimated in our societies, and they are: “Sad mood and unwillingness to perform activities that he enjoyed, social withdrawal, sexual disorder. Our societies have not fully accessed the culture of mental illness.” Yet, these matters are explained by things that seem neutral and give an impression of the nature of these matters. "

At the end of his talk to Maidan , Abdel-Mawgoud Rabi` is diagnosed, who says: “Young people have become selfish, social, emotional and intimate relationships have lost their sanctity by virtue of many things, the most important of which is changing the form of society and its ties, from the extended family to the nuclear family, and from interdependence to liquidity in all There is another explanatory model for what happens from a psychological point of view, which is the constant feeling of anxiety as a result of many things, the most important of which is loss of self-confidence, exposure to negative comments, and the quick and comfortable way to treat anxiety - which is an incorrect and unhealthy method - is to avoid or withdraw. In front of a generation suffering from psychological fragility and Anxiety, depression, openness to a fluid world, nuclear families, and a desire for unity or withdrawal as a result of psychosocial illness, cannot value relationships and feel unsafe.

According to these complex factors, Baumann believes that the solution is no longer an individual choice, as the whole scene needs a fundamental change. Capitalism and modernity have produced its human being that suits it and created it for the state through the tools of education and education on narcissistic and utilitarian thinking and dismantled its relations and structural ties over the centuries, and it remains for that The moment is only the bodies. These bodies are bored in the end, but rather, as Othman Amin describes them as leading to a decrease in the ceiling of ends, and a diminution in the meaning of happiness (8) , And while a person today thinks that his many relationships and experiences, one after the other, will increase his pleasures and experiences in love, and his hardships through these experiences, except that in the end, he will lead him to the wandering, so he does not know what he wants, nor how he stands in the midst of this severe fluidity, walking in a movement Almost infinite represents the saying of Zigmont Baumann in The State of Crisis when he described the current era by saying, "We know what we are escaping from, but we do not know our destination" (9).